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Wife became doctor now wants "freedom"

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ilzz89

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NJ

Hi my story is simple, I worked, took care of kids, while my wife was studying to become a doctor. I sacrificed everthing for her, even quit my job to move where they offered her bigger contract. Now she wants to split our family, we have 2 kids. She basically kicked me out changed all the bank account passwords, gave me 3k, and pretty much told me to get a job and take a hike. (I currently own a business, but its not giving any money because its young) What are my options? What am I to do? Shall just hire an attorney? She suggested doing Mediation.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state? NJ

Hi my story is simple, I worked, took care of kids, while my wife was studying to become a doctor. I sacrificed everthing for her, even quit my job to move where they offered her bigger contract. Now she wants to split our family, we have 2 kids. She basically kicked me out changed all the bank account passwords, gave me 3k, and pretty much told me to get a job and take a hike. (I currently own a business, but its not giving any money because its young) What are my options? What am I to do? Shall just hire an attorney? She suggested doing Mediation.
How did she kick you out? Why did you leave? Are the bank account passwords to JOINT accounts? If so then you can call the bank and tell them you need to withdraw the money in the joint account. Move back in, hire an attorney and sue her for alimony, custody and child support. In that order. Also ask for sole possession of the marital home.
 

ilzz89

Junior Member
Thanks for the reply.
She kept the kids, I can visit them at "her" convinience. She also changed our "joint" account to personal. She kept all the money. She makes with all the bonuses around 300k a year, what realistcly could I count on?(Rent, pay few bills is 5k a month too much?) I know she is a woman, but all of our friends knows she has drinking problem and history of depression. Could that be used somehow to help my situation?
 
What is the name of your state? NJ

Hi my story is simple, I worked, took care of kids, while my wife was studying to become a doctor. I sacrificed everthing for her, even quit my job to move where they offered her bigger contract. Now she wants to split our family, we have 2 kids. She basically kicked me out changed all the bank account passwords, gave me 3k, and pretty much told me to get a job and take a hike. (I currently own a business, but its not giving any money because its young) What are my options? What am I to do? Shall just hire an attorney? She suggested doing Mediation.
Mediation?...after she just ripped you apart? Has she filed yet? If not get an attorney and file yourself, that way you'll get the standard financial protections immediately. Then try mediation or collaboration. If you reconcile...you can drop the petition...but it sounds like you need to level the playing field ASAP. Get back into the house and get all your financial records...stay cool and document everything. Don't put yourself in any compromising situations. Beware of ex parte bogus restraining orders...
 

ilzz89

Junior Member
What rights do I have? She told me I could meet her and discuss things, but not in the house. Is hiring a lawyer my only alternative?
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? NJ

Hi my story is simple, I worked, took care of kids, while my wife was studying to become a doctor. I sacrificed everthing for her, even quit my job to move where they offered her bigger contract. Now she wants to split our family, we have 2 kids. She basically kicked me out changed all the bank account passwords, gave me 3k, and pretty much told me to get a job and take a hike. (I currently own a business, but its not giving any money because its young) What are my options? What am I to do? Shall just hire an attorney? She suggested doing Mediation.
Yes hire an attorney and do what the other posters have advised.

And REMEMBER, if the roles were reversed, she would likely "OWN" a portion of your earning power for the rest of your life!!
 
What rights do I have? She told me I could meet her and discuss things, but not in the house. Is hiring a lawyer my only alternative?
Well I don't recommend you try to represent yourself with kids and finances at stake like this....so the only other alternative for you is to roll over and play dead!!! Seriously now...read the last two posts...if what you say is true you are clearly putting yourself in a very compromising position here. Now is the time to stand up for yourself, and trying to save a few bucks now is being penny wise! I don't recommend you discuss anything further with her in person until you get an attorney.... and for your own protection....USE EMAIL!!! I have clients who live in the same house and they email each other on important issues just to protect themselves!!!!
 
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mistoffolees

Senior Member
What rights do I have? She told me I could meet her and discuss things, but not in the house. Is hiring a lawyer my only alternative?
No, hiring an attorney is not your only alternative. You're free to let her walk all over you if you wish.

How long were you married? That is likely to be the factor which most affects whether or not you'll receive alimony.

As for the house, you have as much right to it as she does. I would move back in. If she tries to stop you, call the police - it's your home as much as hers. Moving out may impact your ability to obtain custody.

Kids are a tougher issue. In some parts of the country, mothers still have preference, but this is going away (slowly). On paper, each parent has equal custody rights in most areas (in a few areas, it's legislated). In your case, you have a number of factors in your favor - you've been the primary care giver and, as a doctor, her hours are likely to be quite erratic. The relevant standard is what is best for the kids. You should be able to make a case that being with you is better for the kids. However, your moving out of the house weakened that argument.

Get a very good lawyer ASAP (the first step that lawyer is likely to do is petition the court to pay his salary out of joint marital assets so she can't block it). Make sure it's an attorney who has some experience in dealing with men who want custody. Move back into the house. File for sole custody. As soon as you file for divorce (or she does), a bunch of orders kick in on money issues. Once you file for divorce, all of your assets above those required for basic living expenses will be untouchable (it doesn't matter if they're in her name or both of your names).

Don't delay-get an attorney NOW - the longer you're out of the house, the harder it will be on the kids when you go back. Not to mention that it gives her more time to hide the money.

Finally, get your job going. Depending on how long you've been married, you may not get any alimony, so you have to rely on your own earning ability.
 

ilzz89

Junior Member
Thank you all for kind suggestions.

I have been married for 10 years, I am jeweler by trade, and was making 70-80k in my company about 2 hours away by car from here.(So the only way I could work there is only if I move back) Now I moved in with my sister's family for the time being. I also invested in the business, and its still very raw, but its also in the same area where I live in. So I cant really get a job and flush that down the toilet. I'll try to find a good lawyer who represented man before. Thanks again for all your advice.
 

seagoing

Member
Bud,you need to take the advice that was given,and get some backbone.She can't throw you out of your own house .When I left my house for a few days "So my then wife could sort things through,she wanted divorce) my atty.told me leaving could be looked at as abandonment,especially if she was playing that game. Get back home to the kids YOU were the nuturing parent for while she was in school.you basically supported her through her school yrs and that counts.Get the atty. agood one and as said atty.to be paid by marital funds ,or hers.Dont delay,it could cost you.She was on the game looooong before she told you.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Thanks for the reply.
She kept the kids, I can visit them at "her" convinience. She also changed our "joint" account to personal. She kept all the money. She makes with all the bonuses around 300k a year, what realistcly could I count on?(Rent, pay few bills is 5k a month too much?) I know she is a woman, but all of our friends knows she has drinking problem and history of depression. Could that be used somehow to help my situation?
First of all she cannot change a JOINT account with personal -- since 911 it takes a heck of a lot more to do that -- such as YOUR permission. She may have opened a personal account but the joint account is still there even if it has no money in it.

She cannot just KEEP the children. YOU left. Why? Move your butt back into the house. As the marital residence you are ALLOWED to live there.

As for how much -- how long you been married/ How much do you earn? All of your friends know about the drinking problem? Not going to be any help since you willingly left the children with her. Hence she is a fit parent.
 

ilzz89

Junior Member
I didnt willingly left the house, she kicked me out. She said pack up and leave, she packed my stuff. Next day I picked it up and left for my sisters. I have seen my kids few times since than, I had them for the weekend, but I dont have places to take them since she "took" the house.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I didnt willingly left the house, she kicked me out. She said pack up and leave, she packed my stuff. Next day I picked it up and left for my sisters. I have seen my kids few times since than, I had them for the weekend, but I dont have places to take them since she "took" the house.
Sorry, but you willingly left. So what if she packed your bags? So what if she told you to leave? You have to start taking responsibility for your life and making your own decisions. SHE DID NOT FORCE YOU TO LEAVE. The sooner you get that, the better.

Move back in. If she threatens you or physically tries to remove you, call the police. You have every bit as much right to be there as she does (arguably, as the primary caretaker for the children, you might have more rights - morally, although probably not legally).
 
I didnt willingly left the house, she kicked me out. She said pack up and leave, she packed my stuff. Next day I picked it up and left for my sisters. I have seen my kids few times since than, I had them for the weekend, but I dont have places to take them since she "took" the house.
All the more reason to get help ASAP. If you won't fight for yourself the least you can do is fight for your kids. They have a right and a need for both parents! You should see them every week and call them every night to tell them how much you care for them. Why don't you take them to your sisters if your not going to move back in or until you get things straightened out or get a rental. She is their Aunt, and I'm sure she cares for them too!!!
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I didnt willingly left the house, she kicked me out. She said pack up and leave, she packed my stuff. Next day I picked it up and left for my sisters. I have seen my kids few times since than, I had them for the weekend, but I dont have places to take them since she "took" the house.
Did she then carry your butt out the door and change the locks before you could get back in? YOU CHOSE TO LEAVE. Why did you listen to her?
 

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