Wife Having Affair - says I am stalking her

[LiteWait]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

My wife has been having an affair with an ex-police officer who (guess) has experience in domestic abuse. During the past 3 months I have been doing everything I can to find out the nature of the relationship and to put pressure on her and bring her into reality (she still even with written proof denies she is even having one) to end the affair. The other man has convinced her to gather evidence to support that I am emotional abusing her and stalking her.

1. I have send an anonymous (untraceable) text message calling her a liar - she reported that to the police.
2. After I exposed the affair to her friends and family (which she said was illegal) she told are children(13/14) that daddy was saying mean things about mommy and tracking her. I decided to tell the children the truth about the affair (they already suspected) and they confronted her with me there later that day. The next day she reported that to the police as child abuse and threatened to bring DCF in.
3. After she took $20,000 out of our family's account as safe keeping for a divorce money into a personal account she opened, I ran down to the bank and she saw me (same shopping center where she and the other man park in the back parking lot to fool around when she drops my kids off for their workout) when I was going to close out bank account. She called the police saying I was stalking her.
4. I found out about the affair with a keylogger on a shared home family computer, is that illegal?
5. I develop GPS tracking software and have used it (again in our shared family car) to track her off and on when she has gone to his house or met him in the park.

Other than her word she has no proof of any of these I have done.

My real question is am I at risk if I confront her with the OM or is any of these things considered illegal.

Thank you.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

My wife has been having an affair with an ex-police officer who (guess) has experience in domestic abuse. During the past 3 months I have been doing everything I can to find out the nature of the relationship and to put pressure on her and bring her into reality (she still even with written proof denies she is even having one) to end the affair. The other man has convinced her to gather evidence to support that I am emotional abusing her and stalking her.

1. I have send an anonymous (untraceable) text message calling her a liar - she reported that to the police.
2. After I exposed the affair to her friends and family (which she said was illegal) she told are children(13/14) that daddy was saying mean things about mommy and tracking her. I decided to tell the children the truth about the affair (they already suspected) and they confronted her with me there later that day. The next day she reported that to the police as child abuse and threatened to bring DCF in.
3. After she took $20,000 out of our family's account as safe keeping for a divorce money into a personal account she opened, I ran down to the bank and she saw me (same shopping center where she and the other man park in the back parking lot to fool around when she drops my kids off for their workout) when I was going to close out bank account. She called the police saying I was stalking her.
4. I found out about the affair with a keylogger on a shared home family computer, is that illegal?
5. I develop GPS tracking software and have used it (again in our shared family car) to track her off and on when she has gone to his house or met him in the park.

Other than her word she has no proof of any of these I have done.

My real question is am I at risk if I confront her with the OM or is any of these things considered illegal.

Thank you.

I guess rather than worrying about the legality, you should be worrying about why you feel the need to do all of this.

She's having an affair. You claim to have written proof. So what good do you expect to do by keylogging her computer, telling her family and friends, and sending her anonymous text messages?

You can't make HER do anything she doesn't want to do. Stop doing stupid things and make a decision on what YOU are going to do.

 

[LdiJ]

Telling your children about the alledged affair and getting them involved in a confrontation with their mother about it was inexcusable on your part.

I also think that you are basically stalking her.

 

[LiteWait]

I appreciate your feedback. If you have ever had your wife of 20 years openly lying to your face over and over for 4 months and not even caring that she is hurting you (and my children -- what do you think they think of a mother who openly guards her purse and cell phone and has threatened to put a padlock on our bedroom door in front of the kids -- is that abusive? ) She is the one who brought the affair into our home and my children figured it out way before I confirmed the truth to them (she said mommy just has a friend when they confronted her). Now that is not abuse.

I don't expect you to sympathize with my story, my question is am I doing something illegal?

The first poster is right though I should be worrying about what I am gonna do NOT what she is doing. Very tough to call it quits when I've got 2 wonderful kids and a great wife -- until she turned into a fantasy-loving family abusing affair addict.

 

[mommyof4]

I appreciate your feedback. If you have ever had your wife of 20 years openly lying to your face over and over for 4 months and not even caring that she is hurting you (and my children -- what do you think they think of a mother who openly guards her purse and cell phone and has threatened to put a padlock on our bedroom door in front of the kids -- is that abusive? ) She is the one who brought the affair into our home and my children figured it out way before I confirmed the truth to them (she said mommy just has a friend when they confronted her). Now that is not abuse.

I don't expect you to sympathize with my story, my question is am I doing something illegal?

The first poster is right though I should be worrying about what I am gonna do NOT what she is doing. Very tough to call it quits when I've got 2 wonderful kids and a great wife -- until she turned into a fantasy-loving family abusing affair addict.

Are you kidding me?

I'm HAPPILY married. Yet, neither my kids NOR my husband is permitted to get into my purse or go through my cell phone without my express permission. My husband is the same way. I don't go through his wallet, lap top, phone, etc. without his express permission.

I didn't threaten to put a lock on our bedroom door. I did put a lock on our bedroom door after reapeatedly telling my kids to stay out of our room.

NONE of that is abusive in any way.

The ONLY abusive behavior you have described is YOURS. Why don't you read back over this thread and see if you can't figure out why she would have an affair. Don't get me wrong. I'm not condoning her extra-marital activity. If it were me? I'd have just left you and moved on.

Yep, you're stalking her, no matter how many excuses (just happened to be running into the bank to close the account? riiiiiight) you try to think up to cover your actions.

STOP tracking her. You apparently have the information you need. What do you think you are going to accomplish? Force her to bend to your will? I think she's made it pretty clear that that isn't going to happen.

 

[LiteWait]

I guess rather than worrying about the legality, you should be worrying about why you feel the need to do all of this.

She's having an affair. You claim to have written proof. So what good do you expect to do by keylogging her computer, telling her family and friends, and sending her anonymous text messages?

You can't make HER do anything she doesn't want to do. Stop doing stupid things and make a decision on what YOU are going to do.

Anyone who has been the betrayed spouse in an affair will tell you it is fantasy-based. Before I exposed her affair to her family she, him, and me were the only ones keeping the secret. I didn't want to be enabling her by keeping the secret (and of course tearing me apart at the same time) and allowing the fuel of secrecy to keep the flame going. Affair experts suggested that I expose to bring the light of reality onto the fantasy.

I really hope this never happens to any of you.

 

[mommyof4]

Anyone who has been the betrayed spouse in an affair will tell you it is fantasy-based. Before I exposed her affair to her family she, him, and me were the only ones keeping the secret. I didn't want to be enabling her by keeping the secret (and of course tearing me apart at the same time) and allowing the fuel of secrecy to keep the flame going. Affair experts suggested that I expose to bring the light of reality onto the fantasy.

I really hope this never happens to any of you.

Oh BS.

You outed her to gain more power and control over her. You confronted her with the children (nice going, by the way. Nothing like a little emotional assault on your children to show your love) to show them that Mommy is bad and dirty while Daddy is good and pure.

Let me tell you something. I don't believe for ONE MINUTE that any of these little actions you have taken to pull your wife back in line are anything new. I have a sneaking suspicion you have always kept tabs on her and tried to hold as much power as you could over her.

Affair experts? Exactly how did these 'expertise' acquire their expertise? By having affairs?

 

[LiteWait]

Are you kidding me?

I'm HAPPILY married. Yet, neither my kids NOR my husband is permitted to get into my purse or go through my cell phone without my express permission. My husband is the same way. I don't go through his wallet, lap top, phone, etc. without his express permission.

I didn't threaten to put a lock on our bedroom door. I did put a lock on our bedroom door after reapeatedly telling my kids to stay out of our room.

NONE of that is abusive in any way.

The ONLY abusive behavior you have described is YOURS. Why don't you read back over this thread and see if you can't figure out why she would have an affair. Don't get me wrong. I'm not condoning her extra-marital activity. If it were me? I'd have just left you and moved on.

Yep, you're stalking her, no matter how many excuses (just happened to be running into the bank to close the account? riiiiiight) you try to think up to cover your actions.

STOP tracking her. You apparently have the information you need. What do you think you are going to accomplish? Force her to bend to your will? I think she's made it pretty clear that that isn't going to happen.

I have stopped tracking her. So you are saying she is having an affair BECAUSE I am tracking her? You are putting the cart before the horse. When you are betrayed and lose all trust in your spouse, would you just stick your head in the sand and ignore everything.

The only reason she is going to all these lengths is to keep the affair addiction going and she was spitting mad when I told her family...you know why...because her exciting little secret addiction was being forced into reality.

Take a look and marriagebuilers.com or survivinginfidelity.com if you want to see the harrowing stories much worse than even mine of families broken apart by infidelity (and there are 1000's of them)

 

[LiteWait]

Oh BS.

You outed her to gain more power and control over her. You confronted her with the children (nice going, by the way. Nothing like a little emotional assault on your children to show your love) to show them that Mommy is bad and dirty while Daddy is good and pure.

Let me tell you something. I don't believe for ONE MINUTE that any of these little actions you have taken to pull your wife back in line are anything new. I have a sneaking suspicion you have always kept tabs on her and tried to hold as much power as you could over her.

Affair experts? Exactly how did these 'expertise' acquire their expertise? By having affairs?

Ahh to walk a mile in my shoes. The funny thing is until the affair, I never would even concieved of checking where she was going or what she was doing. I work out of my house and I rarely asked her she was going other than to maybe pick up something at the store.

Of course people change...when confronted with this kind of thing...

when this all broke I had a few clues...why did she all of a sudden start hiding our computer screen when I walked by...and then put a password on it...why did her girlfriend call our house one day when my wife was supposed to be with her...why did she take 5 trips to the grocery store a week coming back with 10 items each time but taking 4 hours to do it...

Yeah I changed right then and there I wasn't looking for anything ever, I would never expect my wife to have an affair... I hope this NEVER happens to you.

 

[Bali Hai]

I have stopped tracking her. So you are saying she is having an affair BECAUSE I am tracking her? You are putting the cart before the horse. When you are betrayed and lose all trust in your spouse, would you just stick your head in the sand and ignore everything.

The only reason she is going to all these lengths is to keep the affair addiction going and she was spitting mad when I told her family...you know why...because her exciting little secret addiction was being forced into reality.

Take a look and marriagebuilers.com or survivinginfidelity.com if you want to see the harrowing stories much worse than even mine of families broken apart by infidelity (and there are 1000's of them)

It gets worse, imagine how you're going to feel when you are ordered to pay her permanent alimony.

 

[xylene]

Instead of wondering why putting a GPS chip in your wife's car comes across as creepy and honestly doubting if illegally key logging her is a crime...

Simple question-

Why haven't YOU hired a divorce lawyer?

 

[LiteWait]

It gets worse, imagine how you're going to feel when you are ordered to pay her permanent alimony.

And why that comment...

is that legal advice, something to make me feel even worse, to beat me down futher?

 

[LiteWait]

Instead of wondering why putting a GPS chip in your wife's car comes across as creepy and honestly doubting if illegally key logging her is a crime...

Simple question-

Why haven't YOU hired a divorce lawyer?

I have a lawyer but I have not moved yet on filing. She saw the lawyer yesterday and decided not to file for now (I guess). People in affairs want to sit on the fence and have their cake and eat it to. I am working hard all day at home (she was a stay-at-home-mom), taking care of the kids when she is off doing "errands". I guess I need to knock her off the fence ... is that what you are implying?

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

Anyone who has been the betrayed spouse in an affair will tell you it is fantasy-based. Before I exposed her affair to her family she, him, and me were the only ones keeping the secret. I didn't want to be enabling her by keeping the secret (and of course tearing me apart at the same time) and allowing the fuel of secrecy to keep the flame going. Affair experts suggested that I expose to bring the light of reality onto the fantasy.

I really hope this never happens to any of you.

It has happened to me. And I was arrested for stalking (at age 19 when I was young and stupid). We worked together, and one day as I was waiting to go home with her afterwork, she told me she was going home with her boyfriend instead (who also worked there). The next day she came to work with hickies all over her neck, face, arms, and hands. All of our co-workers started giving me a hard time about the wild time I had with my wife--until I explained it wasn't me.

File for divorce, seek personal counseling for yourself. Start healing.

 

[Bali Hai]

And why that comment...

is that legal advice, something to make me feel even worse, to beat me down futher?

It's the best legal advice you've received so far, something you're probably going to deal with.

If you're feeling beat down now, wait until her lawyer and the judge finishes with you.