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  1. #1
    tgs123 is offline Junior Member
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    Wife left, refuses to pay half the bills

    I live in North Carolina and my wife and I are both on a mortgage that we are upside down on by a lot. She just got a job 2 months ago after staying home and raising our two girls ages 2 and 4 and decides she wants a divorce and left. This was 3 weeks ago. We have been rocky for awhile so it was not a huge surprise but now things are getting crazy. I'm staying in the house currently and asked her to pay half the mortgage and utilities until a divorce is final because I do not make enough money to cover them by my self and I need a place to live and don't want to destroy my credit by abandoning it altogether. Previously when we were single income, we were on some gov't programs that helped us get through month to month and I took many side jobs to make ends meet. Now, I will most certainly lose the house if she doesn't pitch in until I can figure something out and essentially will be homeless and have no place to bring my kids when its my turn. She doesn't seem to care and refuses to pay anything.

    Cliffs:
    1)She says if she pays half the bills she can't afford to make it on her own and pay her mother rent, split daycare with me and survive.

    2)I say, that's something she should have thought about before taking off and that just because you got up and left, shouldn't nullify your obligations to our bills and you should have to pay half of them regardless of where she resides. I say until a Judge say differently, I believe you have to help out.

    3)We haven't even been legally separated yet.

    Conclusion:

    I don't know what my rights are so I'm scared I will be out on the street with no way to see my kids. Mortgage is due no later than the 15th so i'm freaking out. She agreed by word of mouth that she wasn't a monster and would split everything to help but now she's reneging. I'm text msging her and trying to call her with no recourse and said she now feels she shouldn't have to pay, to leave her alone and she will be getting a lawyer. What are my options? Any suggestions are extremely appreciated.
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    The reality is that until a Judge orders her to pay something, she doesn't have to pay anything at all.

    If you want to preserve your credit and the property, you're going to have to pony up the money yourself, it seems.
  3. #3
    justalayman is offline Senior Member
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    Let's suppose she helps until the divorce..6 months, a year, whatever. Once the divorce is final, she now isn't going to pay anything because a court isn't going to make her. What will you do for housing now?

    You need to think in realistic terms. If you cannot afford the house, you need to figure out how to pay for housing without that house in the picture. She is not going to help pay for the house for however many years are left on the mortgage loan.
  4. #4
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    she is under no obligation to give you one single red cent without a court order? who are you to be making up rules?

    file for divorce. you paid the bills just fine up until two months ago. looks like you spent money you should not have been spending.
  5. #5
    tgs123 is offline Junior Member
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    she is under no obligation to give you one single red cent without a court order? who are you to be making up rules?
    Where did I say this anywhere? It was obvious I suggested that I assumed it she is responsible by law to help, hence why I'm asking for advice because i wasn't entirely sure.

    file for divorce. you paid the bills just fine up until two months ago. looks like you spent money you should not have been spending.
    We had gov't help i.e. food stamps and I took on side jobs to make ends meet just as I stated. If you are not going to read what I posted, please do not contribute at all. She got the new job, we don't qualify for those programs any longer nor would I have wanted to be on those programs one sec linger than we had to. We obviously don't qualify for food stamps and medicaid for the kids so I had to add coverage at work which takes up the extra funds that were made available by having duel incomes. Food is no longer covered. I make 30k a year pal, and have had a hell of a time supporting myself , 2 kids and the wife so until you walk a mile in my shoes i suggest you take your smug self righteous replies somewhere else.
  6. #6
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tgs123 View Post
    Where did I say this anywhere? It was obvious I suggested that I assumed it she is responsible by law to help, hence why I'm asking for advice because i wasn't entirely sure.



    We had gov't help i.e. food stamps and I took on side jobs to make ends meet just as I stated. If you are not going to read what I posted, please do not contribute at all. She got the new job, we don't qualify for those programs any longer nor would I have wanted to be on those programs one sec linger than we had to. We obviously don't qualify for food stamps and medicaid for the kids so I had to add coverage at work which takes up the extra funds that were made available by having duel incomes. Food is no longer covered. I make 30k a year pal, and have had a hell of a time supporting myself , 2 kids and the wife so until you walk a mile in my shoes i suggest you take your smug self righteous replies somewhere else.



    Please re-read my post.
  7. #7
    justalayman is offline Senior Member
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    I missed it if you said but:


    if you have the kids, you may qualify for state aid. File for it.


    If she has the kids, keep on with those side jobs. If that doesn't give you enough to pay the mortgage and such, start looking for ways to cut your budget fast.
  8. #8
    tgs123 is offline Junior Member
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    Let's suppose she helps until the divorce..6 months, a year, whatever. Once the divorce is final, she now isn't going to pay anything because a court isn't going to make her. What will you do for housing now?
    That's the thing, I have no idea but having a year would be great to help figure that out.

    You need to think in realistic terms. If you cannot afford the house, you need to figure out how to pay for housing without that house in the picture. She is not going to help pay for the house for however many years are left on the mortgage loan.
    This seems to be it. I considered renting it out but it would take forever to get out from being upside down and God forbid something expensive breaks, i'd have no way of replacing anything.

    Bankruptcy and just call it a day?
  9. #9
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Have you considered a roommate?
  10. #10
    tgs123 is offline Junior Member
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    Please re-read my post.
    Sorry I see it now.

    So, what if I find some miracle and side jobs are steady, work hard and pay it until the divorce finalizes. Can I sue her for what she owed and I paid on her behalf? I feel like i'm being left high and dry with this "Its your problem not mine" attitude from her and I have to eat it and like it? There must be SOME kind of recourse....
  11. #11
    tgs123 is offline Junior Member
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    Have you considered a roommate?
    I have considered this but what I was thinking is I would hopefully have the kids 2-3 days a week overnight if possible and that would mean they would need their own room so I would have to convert one of their rooms into the renter's room and i just can't feel like a roommate would be able to handle it and feel comfortable in that situation. I mean crying kids in the middle of the night, toys pretty much ending up everywhere. No privacy. No smoking or drinking of course. They would pretty much have to be a saint for me to feel comfortable enough as well.
    All my friends and family live up north so they couldn't help so i'm essentially alone on this.
  12. #12
    justalayman is offline Senior Member
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    You are in a tough spot and sorry to say but there is no easy way out and quite likely, no real way out without some seriously major changes.

    I take it the children live with mom. If so, that means once anything goes to court, you will likely have to pony up child support. That is going to cut your budget even tighter than it is.

    as to recouping anything from her: most likely; no. The financials will be dealt with in the divorce so whatever happens there is what it is going to be, the end. You may be given some credit for anything she righteously should have been paying but more than likely, you will get nothing. If you were to gain something there, it would be part of the negotiated settlement.
  13. #13
    tgs123 is offline Junior Member
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    You are in a tough spot and sorry to say but there is no easy way out and quite likely, no real way out without some seriously major changes.

    I take it the children live with mom. If so, that means once anything goes to court, you will likely have to pony up child support. That is going to cut your budget even tighter than it is.

    as to recouping anything from her: most likely; no. The financials will be dealt with in the divorce so whatever happens there is what it is going to be, the end. You may be given some credit for anything she righteously should have been paying but more than likely, you will get nothing. If you were to gain something there, it would be part of the negotiated settlement.
    Thank you and everyone else who replied. It seems like i'm in a corner and the only way out is there isn't one. I will do whats best for my girls so that will be my spear point of my drive whilst considering all of the advice I was given. I am thankful for it. Peace.

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