Wife Left & Took Our Kid Without My Consent

[bowlingboy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

About 2 1/2 months ago, my wife left me with our child. She took him without my consent. She is living at her parents house right now (in a different county) with our kid and she tells me when and for how long I can visit the kid. We do not have a legal separation.

She tells me that I am an "unfit" parent and will not allow me to take my kid to the park or whatever. I have a history of seizures for which I take meds. I had a tumor when I was 11 years old and the seizures are the result of that. She says that I need to take more meds to fix my memory problems. I have short term memory issues and diminished concentration skills due to the tumor and to the side effects of my anti seizure meds. She told me that she won't come home until I take these other meds.

I don't know what to do. I miss my kid and my family! I want to work it out but she doesn't. Please help. I'm not sure if I should file for separation or not. She has complete control over the situation and our kid.

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

About 2 1/2 months ago, my wife left me with our child. She took him without my consent. She is living at her parents house right now (in a different county) with our kid and she tells me when and for how long I can visit the kid. We do not have a legal separation.

She tells me that I am an "unfit" parent and will not allow me to take my kid to the park or whatever. I have a history of seizures for which I take meds. I had a tumor when I was 11 years old and the seizures are the result of that. She says that I need to take more meds to fix my memory problems. I have short term memory issues and diminished concentration skills due to the tumor and to the side effects of my anti seizure meds. She told me that she won't come home until I take these other meds.

I don't know what to do. I miss my kid and my family! I want to work it out but she doesn't. Please help. I'm not sure if I should file for separation or not. She has complete control over the situation and our kid.

Thank you.

Has your doctor recommended that you take these other meds? If so, why don't you want to take them?

She didn't need your permission to leave with the child. If you are subject to seizures and have short term memory problems its possible that you would be required to visit your child on a supervised basis, even with court orders.

It sounds to me like she is willing to work on the marriage too, after all, she said she would come home if you took the other meds.

 

[Silverplum]

Absolutely, file for divorce and primary custody and child support, with a pleasant parenting time schedule for her.

Do it before she's had 3 months to establish some sort of residency in her parents' home.

Seizures, controlled by meds, do NOT make you UNFIT. Sheesh. Get an attorney. Make her toe YOUR line, Dad. You're just as much a parent as SHE is.

 

[Ohiogal]

Its possible that she is also waiting three months to establish residency in the other county so that the venue would be there. Both parents have equal rights to the child under the law. You can file in your county and ask that the child be returned to your home. If you wait much longer you will not be able to do that.

 

[Silverplum]

Its possible that she is also waiting three months to establish residency in the other county so that the venue would be there. Both parents have equal rights to the child under the law. You can file in your county and ask that the child be returned to your home. If you wait much longer you will not be able to do that.

Yep, and I hereby amend my answer to 3 months! Yikes!

Get a move on, Dad. Just file ASAP. Work out details later. Hire an attorney (who specializes in family law) at once.

 

[LdiJ]

As someone who has lived through a family member having short term memory problems I can tell you that its a serious problem with small children. If the seizures are controlled by meds that's one thing, but the short term memory problems are entirely another.

It would not be in any child's best interest to spend alone time with someone with short term memory problems, unless the child were old enough to get help as needed. A toddler certainly is not old enough.

It also doesn't sound like a divorce is a sure thing at this point either.

 

[Silverplum]

As someone who has lived through a family member having short term memory problems I can tell you that its a serious problem with small children. If the seizures are controlled by meds that's one thing, but the short term memory problems are entirely another.

It would not be in any child's best interest to spend alone time with someone with short term memory problems, unless the child were old enough to get help as needed. A toddler certainly is not old enough.

It also doesn't sound like a divorce is a sure thing at this point either.

That's your opinion. Mine is different. Surprise, surprise. I suspect your experience is with Alzheimer's -- mine is with seizures. Neither of us is a medical professional.

Poster, you ARE the child's FATHER. She CHOSE you as the father.

Make her PROVE you unfit in a court of law. Don't just bend over because she has an *opinion.*

 

[bowlingboy]

Thanks

Hi.
Thank you for your replies and suggestions.

I don't get the 3 month residency thing. I never heard of that before. How would that hurt me in the long run?

 

[Silverplum]

Hi.
Thank you for your replies and suggestions.

I don't get the 3 month residency thing. I never heard of that before. How would that hurt me in the long run?

You're welcome.

The residency thing matters because of this:
Firstly, it looks like you just let her run off WITH your child without a whimper. Don't allow her to tar you with some sort of "doesn't care" brush. File at once, require the child to be returned immediately.

Secondly, if she files first and has residency in a different county, then you will forever have to go to that county for hearings. SHE moved. Make HER do the driving, make HER be inconvenienced.

Thirdly, if she establishes residency THERE, then she has a better chance of being allowed by a court to move FURTHER. Stop it NOW.

 

[LdiJ]

You're welcome.

The residency thing matters because of this:
Firstly, it looks like you just let her run off WITH your child without a whimper. Don't allow her to tar you with some sort of "doesn't care" brush. File at once, require the child to be returned immediately.

Secondly, if she files first and has residency in a different county, then you will forever have to go to that county for hearings. SHE moved. Make HER do the driving, make HER be inconvenienced.

Thirdly, if she establishes residency THERE, then she has a better chance of being allowed by a court to move FURTHER. Stop it NOW.

The actual distance between the two homes will have a major impact on things. They could be hours apart or minutes apart.

 

[Ohiogal]

The actual distance between the two homes will have a major impact on things. They could be hours apart or minutes apart.

He should still file in HIS COUNTY now and not wait until she has established the three months to get VENUE in HER COUNTY (since he used county and not state I am assuming both counties are in the same state).

 

[LdiJ]

He should still file in HIS COUNTY now and not wait until she has established the three months to get VENUE in HER COUNTY (since he used county and not state I am assuming both counties are in the same state).

Right, and two counties in the same state could be minutes apart or hours apart. Whether or not she is ordered to return the child depends a great deal on the distance. Whether or not its a hardship for him if she files in another country, also depends on the distance.

Example:

My home is two miles from the county border. It would actually be easier for me to attend court in the other country rather than my own. In addition, someone can live 5 minutes away from me in the other county, and 40 minutes away from me in my same county.

So, distance also matters.

 

[Ohiogal]

Right, and two counties in the same state could be minutes apart or hours apart. Whether or not she is ordered to return the child depends a great deal on the distance. Whether or not its a hardship for him if she files in another country, also depends on the distance.

Example:

My home is two miles from the county border. It would actually be easier for me to attend court in the other country rather than my own. In addition, someone can live 5 minutes away from me in the other county, and 40 minutes away from me in my same county.

So, distance also matters.

Now I understand what you were saying. But if I were him I still wouldn't wait due to the whole "doesn't care" brush.

 

[bowlingboy]

Distance

Hello.

The distance is about 45 minutes for me. They are in Waukesha County.

My neurologist has advised me not to take the new meds because of my condition.

My wife knows this but still refuses to come home with our kid.

Last week I bought her a used car because her other car wasn't working and she was bugging me for one. I thought this might get her to come home, but it didn't work. She did not thank me for the car. Now she is planning to sell her old (non working) car to her sister for $200. I am worried that she will use this money to file papers.

My friends keep telling me to file for separation but I am afraid that this will piss her off and that she won't let me visit my kid again. Don't they have something where the courts tell you when and where you can visit your kid. Who decides that in separation filing?

Thank you for your suggestions.

 

[Ohiogal]

Hello.

The distance is about 45 minutes for me. They are in Waukesha County.

My neurologist has advised me not to take the new meds because of my condition.

My wife knows this but still refuses to come home with our kid.

Last week I bought her a used car because her other car wasn't working and she was bugging me for one. I thought this might get her to come home, but it didn't work. She did not thank me for the car. Now she is planning to sell her old (non working) car to her sister for $200. I am worried that she will use this money to file papers.

My friends keep telling me to file for separation but I am afraid that this will piss her off and that she won't let me visit my kid again. Don't they have something where the courts tell you when and where you can visit your kid. Who decides that in separation filing?

Thank you for your suggestions.

File for divorce and request custody of the child as well as temporary orders regarding visitation and child support.