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Wife Lied from day we met.. 2 years late find out she has 2 kids then puts me in jail

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elements

Junior Member
This takes place in Miami Dade, Florida

On Tuesday August 7th I was in some way set up by my wife and went to jail for a misdemeanor domestic battery charge.

The situation with my wife.
On November 24th 2002. My wife and I met at a bar in New York where we were both living at the time. I asked her if she had any kids. She said no so in my mind i thought she was ok for me. We can start a family of our own if things work out.

On April 11 2004 we got married. She*immediately*moved to miami telling me she had a job offer and would want to take it. After 2 weeks of getting things together to move.. I moved to florida. Shortly after she had gotten pregnant. Throughout the*marriage there had been many arguments over how she needs to stop being an angry person. Most arguments turn ugly. She would keep me in the room and stand in my way so i would not be able to walk away.
*I would spend hours listening to her and not say a word. Finally after a while she would try to kiss me and things would magically go away but she would never get rid of her anger towards everything.*

On July 19th Our daughter was born. My parents came down to help out. she got into a huge fight with my mother and told her to get out of her house. The fight was over my mother was about to give the baby a bottle and my wife wanted to breast feed. As my mother came to the baby my wife came running out of the room and pushed her away from the baby. screaming, "get out of my house". My parents had to leave shortly after.
After the incident with my mother we got into continuous fights over nonsense.. ie. I was not allowed to go to the store by myself

About a month after our daughter was born we got into a small fight over me going to the store alone. so we ended up going together. I got out of the car thinking my wife would stay in the car while i run in and out. She followed me. I opened the door to the store. She accused me to closing the door on her when i had no idea she was following me.. The fighting started as we entered the store. I walked in then right out. She followed behind arguing. I stayed quiet. I walked to a pretty busy street. she stopped me said a few things and punched me a couple times in the stomach and spit in my face. She then walked away and left me to walk home. When i got to the house i see that she had gouged one of the tires of my truck. I did not think of going into the house at all. i took the spare and put it on the truck and started to leave when she got into her car and started following.. She followed about 20 mins up I95 then turned off the exit. I got off the exit soon after then went to a precinct so that i would be able to have an escort to get some of my stuff before leaving the state. I took my tools of the trade then left the state for PA.*

I spent a year in PA talking to her occasionally. She came up a couple times. We decided to work it out a year after me staying in PA.*

On returning to Miami I stop by my wife's mothers house in Brooklyn. Her brother was there. I was sitting in the kitchen when i seen pictures on the wall of kids. so i said. Who is that. He then said oh. that is danny. you know... Your wifes son. I was astounded. I played along saying.. i thought brandon was his name. He then said no. that is her other son...(Brandon is a 13 year old who was staying with us all along. She always told me he was her cousins who had died so she took care of him) Throughout the whole time I thought she was being a nice person. Even though i was floored, I accepted it all just to be with my daughter.*

I returned in August 2006, Things started out ok but knowing that she lied soo much to me it sorta took toll. the fighting started again.*

On the day of Tuesday August the 7th i had gone to the mall to look for something for my daughter and thinking about what to do about my situation. She was constantly text messaging me on where i was. At that point i told her i wanted a divorce. She then became angry. I started getting stressed, thinking she would break my belongings. she has that temper. So i tried to get home as quick as possible. When i got there I opened the door to get into the apartment. My daughter came running saying daddy daddy with her arms open.. as she came to me my wife jumped off the couch and into me, in front of the baby and grabs her. She then took her to the other room. I followed her into the bedroom still reaching for the baby.*She ended up backing up and tripping onto the bed.. Soon as i reached around her to try to hold the baby she started screaming and running out the door saying help me.. I stood there for a minute thinking what is going on. It just seemed like i was being set up at that point. I walked outside. The police was there. They did not want to hear anything i had to say. I was then arrested and taken to jail.

I tried to reason with myself in jail that I would stay with her but deep down i know i have to get out of this relationship. I really thought she would have got me out of jail on pretrial but no. I ended up staying in jail from tuesday till late thursday night. I finally found a person in jail that was nice enough to get his wife to make a 3 way call to my brother in pennsylvania. I did not realize that it was soo hard to get in touch with anyone outside of jail. my brother and family in pennsylvania is the only numbers i could remember without my phone.

At the moment I am awaiting trial.

I really would like to be there for my daughter. I just know that she will do anything and everything to hurt me. my daughter means everything to me.. she told me to sign off on my daughter. i can not do that.
My question is this... she has a restraining order against me. i am fine with that. i really do not mind it at all. i am at peace when i am not speaking to her. She calls me 10 - 15 times a day. if i do not answer she gets irate. I am trying to keep her happy before the trial date then i would like to move forward to the divorce. Is this the right thing to do? I know i am in the bad for answering her call in the first place and now i feel if i do not answer i can put myself into jeopardy.
 
Last edited:


Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I read your entire story so that I could intelligently answer your question.
Imagine my surprise when it never came!
 

happybug

Member
I have to say, I don't understand much of this either. I will have to say most nursing mothers would be irate if a grandparent tried to rush in with a bottle. I don't know about the rest of this or even what your question is BUT, your Mother was way out of line,
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I have to say, I don't understand much of this either. I will have to say most nursing mothers would be irate if a grandparent tried to rush in with a bottle. I don't know about the rest of this or even what your question is BUT, your Mother was way out of line,
I absolutely agree. His mother was totally out of line.
 

lwpat

Senior Member
I would suggest that you file to have the marriage annulled on the basis of fraud. Lying about having children would go to the "essentials of marriage." The problem is that she will probably say she did tell you.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I would suggest that you file to have the marriage annulled on the basis of fraud. Lying about having children would go to the "essentials of marriage." The problem is that she will probably say she did tell you.
According to OP one of the children was actually living with them...I don't think a judge will believe that he didn't know about the children...;)

I played along saying.. i thought brandon was his name. He then said no. that is her other son...(Brandon is a 13 year old who was staying with us all along
 

elements

Junior Member
the child later told me that she bribed him with video games to tell me that she was not his mother..

According to OP one of the children was actually living with them...I don't think a judge will believe that he didn't know about the children...;)
 

elements

Junior Member
ok. thanks. I guess you are telling me it depends on her and if that is what you are saying then i guess i should play her game until the criminal case is over.

Q: I am trying to keep her happy before the trial date then i would like to move forward to the divorce. Is this the right thing to do?

A: I don't know the woman so I couldn't say.
 

Tania123

Member
Sounds like your soon to be ex wife has NPD. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (google it for more details on what this is)

She does not truly have an anger problem, she just uses anger and bullying to get her way. Her fights about nonsense is just her way of distracting true issues.

Go ahead and file for divorce, and knowing that she has this, here is how you fight her so you get what you want.

For one, she is a pathological liar, so make sure you have all your facts straight with along with collaborative evidence.

She hang herself with lies, and after a while, it may take a while, but a judge and all those who are involved will eventually see her for what she is, and she will lose, everything.

I went through something similar with my ex husband.

I am now happily re-married.

He was a horrible abusive person, but he thought he was dad and husband of the year!! After I was remarried for some time, we decided it was in our childs best interest to terminate his rights.

In my state, you can not terminate a parental right. In order for a judge to grant it, you have to prove that a spouse murdered two previous children.

Here is the thing though. My ex was stupid with all his pathological lies, to avoid Jail for non payment of child support, and to lying to the court for over a year, he signed the termination papers.

Dealing with someone who is crazy like this, and has NPD, you just have to be firm, calm, not too emotional, (since they get off on making people angry) possibly to the point of indifference, and then go about filing your case.

If this does go to court, do your best to goad her into an angry statement by insulting her in some way, and she will totally lose it in front of everyone.
 

Bruno

Member
assumption of risk

I would suggest that you file to have the marriage annulled on the basis of fraud. Lying about having children would go to the "essentials of marriage." The problem is that she will probably say she did tell you.
one might argue there was "assumption of risk" in nurturing the concept of marriage in a bar?
 

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