Wife told 13y daughter she was cause of our problems

[12198]

We've been married for 19 years. Almost all of it with stife and conflict. I can't tell how many times my wife has told me she doesn't love me or wishes she hadn't married me.

Last night she told our daughter she was the cause of our problems and if we didn't stay together that my daughter was the reason we would get divorced. When I stearnly told her that was a mean thing to say she repeated it twice. She has told everyone in the family, (2 kids-- daughter 13, and son 17) many times terrible things to them. How she wished she had never had our son, (honor student, good kid no trouble) and now it looks like she is doing the same thing with our daughter.

We are presently in marital counseling and have been before with no help.......... Everyone tells me to get on with it... ??? Your suggestions..

 

[Grandma B]

Same as everyone--get on with it. What an abuser! Whatever you do, take those kids with you and make sure they understand that THEY are not the problem.

 

[LegalBeagle]

Grab the kids and leave. File for divorce and custody of the children. Although I hate to see any child in court, you might have to have the children speak with a judge in the custody matter.

 

[12198]

Moved Out!!

Wednesday night after downing a couple large glasses of wine,, while I sat rocking on the front porch chatting a friend who stopped over,, She and my 17 y old son got into it..

She had told him to turn down his stereo (he was doing his homework) and he didn't comply quick enough to suit her. She threatened and started to destroy the stereo. He put her in a 1/2 nelson or something similar....

Time Out!!!!

For the last several days it has been calm. She is at her mothers for now but plans to stay with a girl friend starting Monday.

So in the course of a couple weeks,, My life has been threatened, (to kill me), my daughter has been told she is responsible for our problems, and my son has physically restrained his out of control mother..

I miss her in some wierd way..! I remember the good things about her and if I didn't write down the bad things I might forget them... Don't want to do that...

 

[Grandma B]

Re: Moved Out!!

Wednesday night after downing a couple large glasses of wine,, while I sat rocking on the front porch chatting a friend who stopped over,, She and my 17 y old son got into it..

She had told him to turn down his stereo (he was doing his homework) and he didn't comply quick enough to suit her. She threatened and started to destroy the stereo. He put her in a 1/2 nelson or something similar....

Time Out!!!!

For the last several days it has been calm. She is at her mothers for now but plans to stay with a girl friend starting Monday.

So in the course of a couple weeks,, My life has been threatened, (to kill me), my daughter has been told she is responsible for our problems, and my son has physically restrained his out of control mother..

I miss her in some wierd way..! I remember the good things about her and if I didn't write down the bad things I might forget them... Don't want to do that...

Doesn't sound like you're ready to trash the marriage. Could you and she discuss the "problem" amicably? Would she maybe be willing to attend anger management classes and family counseling? Good luck in whatever you decide. Hug those kids!

 

[12198]

Marriage trash

I don't like to quit something I start.
Having said that, at what time is it time to call it quits?

I have a feeling most folks would have ended it long ago. I know that I'm not perfect but I try not to verbally or mentally abuse my kids. (I find myself starting to 'lash' back at my wife more and more)

She has said things to my son like she wished she never had him and that she wished he was never born.

My gut instinct is that she is in a severe case of depression. She constantly askes me if I love her or if I ever loved her, She has told me many times that she doesn't think anyone has ever loved her.

BTW....she is adopted. And an RN. She has multiple multiple prescribtions for many ailiments. All of which seem to cause more problems than they cure.........??????????????

 

[Smithy]

When she started to say these things to your kids, your marriage became the little thing, and your kids mental health became the big thing. It doesn't matter what nice things you may remember about her, she is damaging your children. Get them away from her. Maybe this will be good for her too BUT she forfeited her feelings being taken into consideration when she began doing this to your children.