Will judge favor him?

[cimmaryn]

What is the name of your state?GA

Can you reassure me?

If I decide to go to court: Currently, I make more than he does. We have been married 5 years, and I have a 16 year old son.

He is perfectly capable of making what I do. Over the 5 years, he only worked full-time consistently for 1 of those years. I supported him while he "tried" taking classes to be a PA (he barely worked at all for 8 mo.), then changed his mind. He mostly worked 32 hours (although would sometimes get extra hours). We have no real assets (except the house, which we are selling).

I have proof that he dented our metal front door (he was angry the phone was buzzing, so he threw it at the door); that he broke a door frame (rather than go around and unlock it); lots of journaling about his anger/rage/verbal abuse; the Ph.D. diagnosis of Narcissism (but I do not know if he would be willing to testify); I think I can also get a copy of the vet documenting an emergency call I made because of nerve damage to the cat's tail (although I lied about how it happened, because H was there panicking that they would arrest him for it -- he was giving cat bath because he was angry at it, slammed the cat down so hard to make it sit that he damaged the tail nerves -- thankfully cat recovered).


**Anyway, I guess I am concerned because I have a steady job and make more than he does that the judge will think it unfair for him to take half the debt and pay the other amounts he owes to me.** Does anyone think that would be the case? I mean, he has CHOSEN not to take full-time work (granted, not great jobs) in his field. He is capable of making as much as I do or more.

I am (obviously) not seeking alimony or anything like that.

Any suggestions or advice?

Cimm

[dallas702]

And you chose to marry him. What kind of "amounts" does he owe you, and how does he "owe" them?

He's not going to have any advantage because he makes less than you. Obviously your son is not his child, and you have been married only 5 years, so there shouldn't be anything but a division of marital assets and debts.

Don't bring up all the crazy behavior stuff. Judges really don't like to hear all that crap unless you are in a "fault" state.

[cimmaryn]

<<And you chose to marry him.>>

Dallas, you are right, I did make the choice to marry him. And the truth is I knew there were problems with his anger before we married -- but I convinced myself the good outweighed the bad, and that the anger was just a 'phase'. Truth be told, we met in grad school and I believed much of what he told me about himself, even if it did not agree with his actual behavior. I understand why I did this now (basically, he was 'familiar' in an unconscious sense -- my issues, my dysfunction fit his. He needed to take up all the space in a relationship, and I was more than willing to give him that space.) I do not deny that I made a poor choice. I have learned from it, though, and I am a better person for it. I do NOT blame him -- he is who he is.

<< What kind of "amounts" does he owe you, and how does he "owe" them? >> WE owe $7500 to my family for work they did on our home, that we agreed to pay back when we sell the house.

Additionally, I used $30,000 of my inheritance (loaned to me by my mom) to pay off a school loan he brought into the marriage, because the interest rate was nearly 9% and was killing us. Nothing in writing, of course, although he has verbally acknowledged on several occasions the he felt "honor-bound" to repay this to me. Since I asked for a divorce, apparently he has decided the honorable thing would be different.

Othere than that, there is only the debt, much of which we accrued since he left his full-time work last September and turned down at least 4 full-time positions.

<<He's not going to have any advantage because he makes less than you. >>

That is good to know.

<<Don't bring up all the crazy behavior stuff. Judges really don't like to hear all that crap unless you are in a "fault" state.>>
Is GA a fault state? If I decided to go to court, can I file under emotional abuse?

[MargieK2]

First of all, it is there fault, there is plenty of help for plenty of ailments, one has to choose to change, when they don't it is their fault. But if you find laws to support emotional abuse, please let me know. I think a slap in the face would be easier to walk away from. Good luck and stay strong.