Will it never end? Suggestions please

[bmulder2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

I filed for divorce nearly two years ago and moved out of the marital home. No children of the 15 year marriage, I make about 18k a year...he makes avg 85k.
The paperwork has been going between our two attorneys VERY slowly, but the soon to be ex and I are on decent speaking terms. I have tried giving him just about everything just to get him to sign the final agreement to present to a judge. Basically he gets the house, 401k, 70% household belongings and debt shared 70/30..my taking the majority since I had better credit back then and most is in my name.

Here is my latest problem. Paperwork has him having to refi the home in his name only. I had my attorney put down 6 months....he has countered with 'take out a time limit and put EVERY EFFORT TO REFINANCE IN HIS NAME ONLY'. We are both on the deed and mortgage. I know this guy and he will not make any effort to refi. Both our credit is bad at the moment and as an alcoholic (ie:forgetful) he has lates on the house payments already. I do not want to be tied up in this indefinately as someday I would like to get a house of my own.
Suggestions?

Second major thing he wants changed is a paragraph my attorney added in saying 'The issue of attorneys fees and costs shal be reserved'. From the start my attorney has said that he would ask the judge to award my lawyer fees to the stbx since I was taking the majority of the debt. I know it's not a given. But at this point my attorney is ready to roll over and wants to counter with the stbx paying the first $2,500 of fees with me taking the rest. I have no clue what remains.

I am seeing my attorney this Friday a.m. to hash out the latest counter. There are other smaller stuff the stbx wants changed..mostly simple wording here and there. The stbx refuses to sign anything until he gets it all his way..he has told me so.

My attorney failed me terribly in the original Temp hearing 2 years ago. He is far from assertive/active and I have had to be proactive and pushy from the start. Now this. I cannot afford to hire a new lawyer. EDITED TO ADD: Judge ordered stbx to pay on all debts until final divorce. He has not paid a penny (thus my bad credit) so I know he is in contempt. Cover letter reminded his attorney of this fact with hopes of getting him to sign, didnt help.

I am giving everything to the stbx as it is. I get one car and a few items from the house (which I have in storage, nothing of value believe me) My credit is ruined and with 70k marital debt on top I am going to have to file bankruptcy. My lawyer is assuming I am listing the house. I had not planned on that..I was hoping to be OFF the house prior to filing.

What would you all suggest if you were in my shoes? I know that there really isnt a LEGAL question here. I just need to know what my direction should be from here...

Thanks for any and all responses.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

I filed for divorce nearly two years ago and moved out of the marital home. No children of the 15 year marriage, I make about 18k a year...he makes avg 85k.
The paperwork has been going between our two attorneys VERY slowly, but the soon to be ex and I are on decent speaking terms. I have tried giving him just about everything just to get him to sign the final agreement to present to a judge. Basically he gets the house, 401k, 70% household belongings and debt shared 70/30..my taking the majority since I had better credit back then and most is in my name.

Here is my latest problem. Paperwork has him having to refi the home in his name only. I had my attorney put down 6 months....he has countered with 'take out a time limit and put EVERY EFFORT TO REFINANCE IN HIS NAME ONLY'. We are both on the deed and mortgage. I know this guy and he will not make any effort to refi. Both our credit is bad at the moment and as an alcoholic (ie:forgetful) he has lates on the house payments already. I do not want to be tied up in this indefinately as someday I would like to get a house of my own.
Suggestions?

Second major thing he wants changed is a paragraph my attorney added in saying 'The issue of attorneys fees and costs shal be reserved'. From the start my attorney has said that he would ask the judge to award my lawyer fees to the stbx since I was taking the majority of the debt. I know it's not a given. But at this point my attorney is ready to roll over and wants to counter with the stbx paying the first $2,500 of fees with me taking the rest. I have no clue what remains.

I am seeing my attorney this Friday a.m. to hash out the latest counter. There are other smaller stuff the stbx wants changed..mostly simple wording here and there. The stbx refuses to sign anything until he gets it all his way..he has told me so.

My attorney failed me terribly in the original Temp hearing 2 years ago. He is far from assertive/active and I have had to be proactive and pushy from the start. Now this. I cannot afford to hire a new lawyer. EDITED TO ADD: Judge ordered stbx to pay on all debts until final divorce. He has not paid a penny (thus my bad credit) so I know he is in contempt. Cover letter reminded his attorney of this fact with hopes of getting him to sign, didnt help.

I am giving everything to the stbx as it is. I get one car and a few items from the house (which I have in storage, nothing of value believe me) My credit is ruined and with 70k marital debt on top I am going to have to file bankruptcy. My lawyer is assuming I am listing the house. I had not planned on that..I was hoping to be OFF the house prior to filing.

What would you all suggest if you were in my shoes? I know that there really isnt a LEGAL question here. I just need to know what my direction should be from here...

Thanks for any and all responses.

Why are you letting him have everything? Stand firm on the house being refinanced within a specific amount of time...or being put on the market. Although, if you are going to file bankruptcy, you can file against the house as well.

 

[mistoffolees]

Why are you letting him have everything? Stand firm on the house being refinanced within a specific amount of time...or being put on the market. Although, if you are going to file bankruptcy, you can file against the house as well.

I agree. There's no reason why one person should take all the assets and leave her with the debt. In fact, since she is planning to file for bankruptcy, it may be considered fraudulent (although if the assets are not pledged as security for the debt, I don't know if the creditors would have any recourse or not).

If she got half of the assets and spousal support (which might be a consideration after 15 years), she might not need to file for bankruptcy.

And she should certainly not budge on him refinancing. The terms should be very clear - he refinances within some time period or the house goes on the market.

 

[bmulder2]

Thanks both of you! Like I mentioned above, my attorney is rolling over faster than I am in giving him everything he wants..and he is the one in contempt!

My 'alimony' is the car I have. He purchased it for me and I gave him my paid off car which he wrecked shortly after. There is roughly 10k left on the car loan. He was ordered to make the payments..so that is my one asset from the marriage. Unfortunately my name is not one the loan or title, so I do worry about that.

I do not want to be attached to the house for ever. I am asking him to refi in 365 days.. I dont think that is asking too much but he refuses to sign the papers unless he gets what he wants. Can I just demand my attorney to take it to the judge? AND when I do file for bankruptcy do I add the house at all? If I do, what happens to it?

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks both of you! Like I mentioned above, my attorney is rolling over faster than I am in giving him everything he wants..and he is the one in contempt!

My 'alimony' is the car I have. He purchased it for me and I gave him my paid off car which he wrecked shortly after. There is roughly 10k left on the car loan. He was ordered to make the payments..so that is my one asset from the marriage. Unfortunately my name is not one the loan or title, so I do worry about that.

I do not want to be attached to the house for ever. I am asking him to refi in 365 days.. I dont think that is asking too much but he refuses to sign the papers unless he gets what he wants. Can I just demand my attorney to take it to the judge? AND when I do file for bankruptcy do I add the house at all? If I do, what happens to it?

Yes, you can ask your attorney to have the judge rule, but that will be more expensive than if you agree on things. Whether it is worth it depends on your situation.

You can also go to the judge with an agreement that you agree on everything but the house and ask the judge to order it sold. There is no way I would let him leave your name on it.

 

[bmulder2]

Thank you mistoffolees... I am just so fed up at this point, with the stbx and my attorney.

I am going to talk over your suggestions with my attorney Friday, but dont feel I am going to get anywhere.

I have no clue why my attorney wont even file for contempt! I have mentioned it twice.

*SIGH*