wishing for a divorce in NY

[CharlzO]

Alrighty...here's my situation:

Two years ago, while married, I became friends with someone I met. We talked, had a great time. My marriage had dwindled and I hadn't been really "Happy" in a while, so it was a nice change. Last January, I told my wife that I couldn't stay with her anymore, and moved out of the house, and into an apartment on my own. Eventually, my new GF moved in with me, and stayed for about a year.

The issue I ran into, is this. She's refusing to file for a divorce, and I've been reading a lot of articles, and seems that NY is a pain in the rear for getting them granted. Since I'm the one that left, what I've read makes it seem like SHE has to be the one to file, and she's refusing. My GF and I are no longer together (due to drama the "wife" caused), but we're still friends. However, my "wife" still refuses to work with me, or file, because she feels that I only want it to please the GF.

However, I really DO want the divorce, as it's going to be impossible to move on in my life without it. I just have no idea what course of action I'm supposed to take. I've been out of the house, and away from the "wife" for a year and a half now. I'm planning on moving in a week, and she's still fighting me about even filing the stupid thing. I left her with everything, the house, car, all the furniture. All I took when I left, was my computer and clothes. And honestly, I don't even want anything that's there. I left that there for her and the kids to keep. I just want out of my marriage.

Am I just mistaken in what I read, and do I have any way to initiate this?

[Silverplum]

I don't know if you're mistaken in what you've read, but here's a link I *know* is good on NY divorce law:
[url]http://www.divorcesource.com/NY/ARTICLES/NYgrounds.html[/url]

Originally Posted by CharlzO

Alrighty...here's my situation:

Two years ago, while married, I became friends with someone I met. We talked, had a great time. My marriage had dwindled and I hadn't been really "Happy" in a while, so it was a nice change. Last January, I told my wife that I couldn't stay with her anymore, and moved out of the house, and into an apartment on my own. Eventually, my new GF moved in with me, and stayed for about a year.

The issue I ran into, is this. She's refusing to file for a divorce, and I've been reading a lot of articles, and seems that NY is a pain in the rear for getting them granted. Since I'm the one that left, what I've read makes it seem like SHE has to be the one to file, and she's refusing. My GF and I are no longer together (due to drama the "wife" caused), but we're still friends. However, my "wife" still refuses to work with me, or file, because she feels that I only want it to please the GF.

However, I really DO want the divorce, as it's going to be impossible to move on in my life without it. I just have no idea what course of action I'm supposed to take. I've been out of the house, and away from the "wife" for a year and a half now. I'm planning on moving in a week, and she's still fighting me about even filing the stupid thing. I left her with everything, the house, car, all the furniture. All I took when I left, was my computer and clothes. And honestly, I don't even want anything that's there. I left that there for her and the kids to keep. I just want out of my marriage.

Am I just mistaken in what I read, and do I have any way to initiate this?

[VeronicaLodge]

hire a NY lawyer, he/she will know exactly what you need to do.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by CharlzO

Alrighty...here's my situation:

Two years ago, while married, I became friends with someone I met. We talked, had a great time. My marriage had dwindled and I hadn't been really "Happy" in a while, so it was a nice change. Last January, I told my wife that I couldn't stay with her anymore, and moved out of the house, and into an apartment on my own. Eventually, my new GF moved in with me, and stayed for about a year.

The issue I ran into, is this. She's refusing to file for a divorce, and I've been reading a lot of articles, and seems that NY is a pain in the rear for getting them granted. Since I'm the one that left, what I've read makes it seem like SHE has to be the one to file, and she's refusing. My GF and I are no longer together (due to drama the "wife" caused), but we're still friends. However, my "wife" still refuses to work with me, or file, because she feels that I only want it to please the GF.

However, I really DO want the divorce, as it's going to be impossible to move on in my life without it. I just have no idea what course of action I'm supposed to take. I've been out of the house, and away from the "wife" for a year and a half now. I'm planning on moving in a week, and she's still fighting me about even filing the stupid thing. I left her with everything, the house, car, all the furniture. All I took when I left, was my computer and clothes. And honestly, I don't even want anything that's there. I left that there for her and the kids to keep. I just want out of my marriage.

Am I just mistaken in what I read, and do I have any way to initiate this?

If you were going for a "fault" divorce, she would have to be the one to initiate it, because she has fault grounds against you, but you have no fault grounds against her.

However, you could initiate a legal separation, wait another year, and then divorce on a no fault basis.

However, you really should get a consult with a local attorney, even if you don't hire one, to see what your full options are.

[CharlzO]

well, with everything else, I'm a bit strapped for money, and it's hard to hire a lawyer for nothing. I realize it's gonna cost me anyway, but still..I hate to have to fork out money if there's really not much I have going for me. Doesn't help that I've given her 1000 a month since I've been gone, and barely been surviving on what's left.

Yeah, that article reads like what I've read. From what I can understand, even though I've been apart, apparently I have to file for another separation, live apart for ANOTHER year, before I can even start the divorce proceedings? NY has some serious issues with it's system..

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by CharlzO

Yeah, that article reads like what I've read. From what I can understand, even though I've been apart, apparently I have to file for another separation, live apart for ANOTHER year, before I can even start the divorce proceedings? NY has some serious issues with it's system..

Bummer 'bout that. We didn't make the law, and we have no more power than you to change it.

[CharlzO]

Oh, I know. Just a general sigh about how they make it so hard to get through certain processes. And her acting as she is doesn't help me any. Also doesn't help that she has a lawyer friend feeding into her spitefulness.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by CharlzO

Oh, I know. Just a general sigh about how they make it so hard to get through certain processes. And her acting as she is doesn't help me any. Also doesn't help that she has a lawyer friend feeding into her spitefulness.

I'm sure she has plenty to say about how your cheating didn't help any, either.

Quit bitching about personal stuff. You aren't lily-white, either. And we don't care. This is NOT an emotional support site, but a legal info site.

[CharlzO]

My apologies. Wasn't trying to bring that into it. Frustration over lack of options, sure. But it gives me a starting point, and we'll see where it goes from there I guess. Looks like it'll take a bit of time.

Thanks for the info so far.

[VeronicaLodge]

youve been paying her 1000 a month since you've been apart but you have no money for a lawyer? there is no court order requiring you to pay her 1000 a month, you could have gotten a lawyer and gotten this ball rolling correctly over a year ago!

[BL]

Originally Posted by VeronicaLodge

youve been paying her 1000 a month since you've been apart but you have no money for a lawyer? there is no court order requiring you to pay her 1000 a month, you could have gotten a lawyer and gotten this ball rolling correctly over a year ago!

Yeh , then come here ranting .

You play , you pay .

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by CharlzO

well, with everything else, I'm a bit strapped for money, and it's hard to hire a lawyer for nothing. I realize it's gonna cost me anyway, but still..I hate to have to fork out money if there's really not much I have going for me. Doesn't help that I've given her 1000 a month since I've been gone, and barely been surviving on what's left.

Yeah, that article reads like what I've read. From what I can understand, even though I've been apart, apparently I have to file for another separation, live apart for ANOTHER year, before I can even start the divorce proceedings?

That is basically correct.

This sounds like a case where NOT consulting an attorney will cost you more than hiring one. Why should she file for divorce - she has her freedom and $1 K per month. Not to mention that you're committing adultery all the while.

You're going to be far better off in the long run if you consult an attorney and get it over with.

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by CharlzO

Oh, I know. Just a general sigh about how they make it so hard to get through certain processes. And her acting as she is doesn't help me any. Also doesn't help that she has a lawyer friend feeding into her spitefulness.

You left her for another woman and then shacked up with her. Why should your wife be going out of her way to make your life easier?