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Abuse?

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cjones

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

OK, I am the step mother to a 6 year old little girl born out of wedlock. 2 years ago, my husband had joint custody with every other weekend and holiday visits according to a local rule. As of August, he has residential custody with the mother having extended every other weekend visits.

My question for you all is this: There have been several instances where the mother has done inappropriate things that the child is shown or subjected to. The child has reported these issues to her father, myself and other members of the community. First instance was her mother using a syringe full of "pain medicine" to inject into her arm- at home- in front of the child where she could demonstrate the action very well. Husband was concerned- confronted the mother who said she had a bone disease and had to take this medicine per doctor's orders- Mother has a prior history of drug use and drug related dealings including her house being raided by the KBI 3 times in the previous years. When this was brought up to the lawyers etc there was nothing to be done except go to court.

In December, the child was shown images on her mother's phone of a miscarried fetus the mother had delivered. Mother admitted all over town to showing this and many of the elderly and older women became upset about it- I was confronted in the store by one such lady that thought I had miscarried and shown the images to the child. The child said no, I wasn't her mom that I was her step mom so the woman calmed down but, was going to call the abuse hotline about it. Husband was notified that there was a report but that it was emotional abuse and SRS/Child Protection does not deal with it especially when there is a custody case as well.

Last night, we received 3 phone calls from angry parents because my step daughter announced at recess that her grandpa- her mother's father- gave her a bath outside with the garden hose- without clothes on-and that her mother had taken pictures of it. She then said her grandpa had the picture on his refridgerator at home. One of the mothers accused child pornography and said she didn't want her child anywhere near my step daughter and would speak to the school about keeping them seperate during recesses. My husband was upset and asked his daughter about it- she confirmed everything that the mothers had said on the phone. He spoke to his lawyer this morning who said that he was going to try and get a case manager appointed to monitor the custody case/ issues but that there wasn't much else we could do about it for now that the mother just continually makes bad decisions.

I know SRS and Child Protection are probably pretty busy etc but it seems like this stuff keeps adding up. And more and more people are becoming involved due to my step daughter's actions/ discussions at school. The school has spoken to the child on a couple of different occasions for things she's said that have upset the parents- my husband found out because the parent told him- not the superintendent that had spoken to his daughter.

Does anyone have any recommendations for this type of stuff? We don't want the child shunned at school and have talked to her about what's appropriate and what's not but...we have suspicions that it might be true too. And if she thinks it ok to be outside nude, that seems like an invitation for pedophiles.

Does anyone have experience dealing with the public on issues like this with regard to the child at least- some people in town really aren't that nice about filtering what they say about situations
 


Gracie3787

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

OK, I am the step mother to a 6 year old little girl born out of wedlock. 2 years ago, my husband had joint custody with every other weekend and holiday visits according to a local rule. As of August, he has residential custody with the mother having extended every other weekend visits.

My question for you all is this: There have been several instances where the mother has done inappropriate things that the child is shown or subjected to. The child has reported these issues to her father, myself and other members of the community. First instance was her mother using a syringe full of "pain medicine" to inject into her arm- at home- in front of the child where she could demonstrate the action very well. Husband was concerned- confronted the mother who said she had a bone disease and had to take this medicine per doctor's orders- Mother has a prior history of drug use and drug related dealings including her house being raided by the KBI 3 times in the previous years. When this was brought up to the lawyers etc there was nothing to be done except go to court.

In December, the child was shown images on her mother's phone of a miscarried fetus the mother had delivered. Mother admitted all over town to showing this and many of the elderly and older women became upset about it- I was confronted in the store by one such lady that thought I had miscarried and shown the images to the child. The child said no, I wasn't her mom that I was her step mom so the woman calmed down but, was going to call the abuse hotline about it. Husband was notified that there was a report but that it was emotional abuse and SRS/Child Protection does not deal with it especially when there is a custody case as well.

Last night, we received 3 phone calls from angry parents because my step daughter announced at recess that her grandpa- her mother's father- gave her a bath outside with the garden hose- without clothes on-and that her mother had taken pictures of it. She then said her grandpa had the picture on his refridgerator at home. One of the mothers accused child pornography and said she didn't want her child anywhere near my step daughter and would speak to the school about keeping them seperate during recesses. My husband was upset and asked his daughter about it- she confirmed everything that the mothers had said on the phone. He spoke to his lawyer this morning who said that he was going to try and get a case manager appointed to monitor the custody case/ issues but that there wasn't much else we could do about it for now that the mother just continually makes bad decisions.

I know SRS and Child Protection are probably pretty busy etc but it seems like this stuff keeps adding up. And more and more people are becoming involved due to my step daughter's actions/ discussions at school. The school has spoken to the child on a couple of different occasions for things she's said that have upset the parents- my husband found out because the parent told him- not the superintendent that had spoken to his daughter.

Does anyone have any recommendations for this type of stuff? We don't want the child shunned at school and have talked to her about what's appropriate and what's not but...we have suspicions that it might be true too. And if she thinks it ok to be outside nude, that seems like an invitation for pedophiles.

Does anyone have experience dealing with the public on issues like this with regard to the child at least- some people in town really aren't that nice about filtering what they say about situations
Your husband should gather up any proof he has and consult with his attorney about the problem.

If he doesn't have an attorney he should definately find one because the situation is very complicated and may be hard to prove in court.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Your husband should gather up any proof he has and consult with his attorney about the problem.

If he doesn't have an attorney he should definately find one because the situation is very complicated and may be hard to prove in court.
Not 'may be hard to prove', but WILL BE hard to prove.

It may require a GAL and full custody evaluation since there probably won't be enough admissible evidence to get the court to simply change the custody order.
 

cjones

Junior Member
There was a GAL appointed in March of this year. She investigated until the May 25th court date- she was about 8.5 months pregnant at the hearing.
She did not meet with the child for more than 5 minutes she did however meet with the mother, grandmother, and little sister for 1.5 hours and she spoke to my husband and I for about 5 minutes.
I don't think she spoke to the school or anyone else involved either. Our lawyer was pretty confused- her "report" was that it was sad that the step mom was the most responsible parent, the mother was unstable but readily available to the child because she is unemployed and the father was unavailable due to working until 6 in the evening. She did not recommend a change in custody- at that time it was 50/50.
My husband's spoken to the lawyer about all of this on several occasions. The only time it seems that it could come up etc is if we go back to court.
We've gotten a second opinion from another lawyer/ GAL who indicated that the GAL the court appointed could have been influenced by hormones because the issues - some were severe enough to warrant further checking but the report didn't show she checked on any of it.
I know my husband tried to raise heck about the GAL not speaking to him or the child but, because her report came in a week before the hearing, there wasn't much that could be done. She was however upset by the lawyers agreeing to take time from the mother as she said it was unjustified. And she made a stipulation in the parenting plan that the mother and father had to meet face to face once a week for an hour to discuss their child without anyone else present. Thank god the lawyers changed the wording where it could be a call or text and could last a minute or up to an hour...
Now, we just heard that a case manager has been appointed to take care of all these "little issues" that the parents cant agree to. And the lawyer mentioned speaking to her about the pictures and some of the concerns of abuse. I don't know anything about a case manager either so, we will see what happens from here.
 

Hot Topic

Senior Member
Since you are the stepmother, you have no legal standing. Your husband needs to take the lead and do everything necessary regarding the child's welfare.
 

cjones

Junior Member
Thank you for the news flash, its not like I haven't heard that in the last 2 years before.
However, as we are partners, and I work at the computer all day, I do research to direct him where to go for help. I also escort the child to numerous after school functions as girl scout assistant, etc. Oh and to counseling starting next week.
Regardless of how the law feels, I'm a parent.
 

Hot Topic

Senior Member
You may have heard it, but obviously you didn't listen.

You didn't give birth to the child. You were selected by the child's father to be his wife. The child just happened to be part of the picture.

You do considerably more than just computer research and taking the child to functions.

As gracie3787 said, YOUR HUSBAND should gather the information up that he has and see a lawyer because the information he has is complicated and may be hard to prove in court. I note that you failed to get the point.
 
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cjones

Junior Member
Yes I do and the judge commended me for it as did the GAL. Our judge's point of view is that step parents are involved.
 

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