abuse

[stripedsox]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I live in Oregon.
July 20, 2007, I left an extremely abusive marriage of 13 years. It has been just over 3 years since he last beat me (on July 20, 2007) and I have photos of the bruising. This person has devastated my life and, now that I feel stronger, I was wondering if there is action I can take to punish him and/or insure that he does not do this again, or at least give him a record so other girls may access it to be cautious of his evil. I am thinking of going to the D.A. about the abuse and/or maybe pain and suffering and emotional distress because I still wake up sceaming in the middle of the night and am uptight during the day, always scared to see him again.
Can you give me some advice?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I live in Oregon.
July 20, 2007, I left an extremely abusive marriage of 13 years. It has been just over 3 years since he last beat me (on July 20, 2007) and I have photos of the bruising. This person has devastated my life and, now that I feel stronger, I was wondering if there is action I can take to punish him and/or insure that he does not do this again, or at least give him a record so other girls may access it to be cautious of his evil. I am thinking of going to the D.A. about the abuse and/or maybe pain and suffering and emotional distress because I still wake up sceaming in the middle of the night and am uptight during the day, always scared to see him again.
Can you give me some advice?

You should have gone to the police three years ago. So are you divorced yet?

 

[stripedsox]

I am divorced now. I wish I would have gone to the police, but I guess I was afraid. Looking back now, I don't know how I could have given up my personality, my school, my family, and my soul, but somehow he mentally and physically beat it out of me. I know he abused two of his ex girlsfriends (who he had kids with- I have no kids, thank God), and I feel it would haunt me if I didn't do something, even 3 years later.
Both of my parents died while I was with him, he would watch me like a hawk= I had no contact with my family for about 10 years. It was, and is, horrible. I now have great communication with my previously estranged family.
What do you think? I know it will be hard to have to go through all of what he did to me again, I have been trying so hard to forget, but it is always going to be there.

 

[stealth2]

It has been just over 3 years since he last beat me (on July 20, 2007) and I have photos of the bruising.

How do you intend to prove that HE caused the bruising?

 

[Zigner]

I am divorced now. I wish I would have gone to the police, but I guess I was afraid. Looking back now, I don't know how I could have given up my personality, my school, my family, and my soul, but somehow he mentally and physically beat it out of me. I know he abused two of his ex girlsfriends (who he had kids with- I have no kids, thank God), and I feel it would haunt me if I didn't do something, even 3 years later.
Both of my parents died while I was with him, he would watch me like a hawk= I had no contact with my family for about 10 years. It was, and is, horrible. I now have great communication with my previously estranged family.
What do you think? I know it will be hard to have to go through all of what he did to me again, I have been trying so hard to forget, but it is always going to be there.

Getting "revenge" on him is not going to help you heal.

You need intensive counseling.

 

[stripedsox]

I don't know, but, honestly, questions like that are what have kept me away from the police... I mean people at my work noticed me coming to work injured in the past, they saw him stalking me a couple of days after I left him, a friend who picked me up from work that day had to put him in a head lock to keep him from jumping in the car to grab me... I used to call that same friend in the middle of the night crying and telling him what was happening... I guess he felt helpless, not wanting to start more trouble.
My ex's family knows! We lived with his mom and she was right across the hallway while I was beaten and locked in the bedroom for almost 2 months because I was so beaten that I couldn't be seen by anyone! He beat me on the face with a 2x4, a had black eyes, broken nose, he spray painted my face, damaged my ribs.... so how does someone prove this?

 

[stripedsox]

Revenge? I don't feel that I want revenge. I am just concerned that he will do the same thing to another girl and he should have a record to warn girls off.
He could never repay me or society for what he has done to me and my family. Actually, for what I have allowed him to do to me. I can tell you, however, it will never happen to me again. But, what is to prevent him from finding another victim? That is what he does... he is a smooth talker at first.
So, no, it is not just revenge; and, yes, I am sure I do need counseling.

 

[Antigone*]

I don't know, but, honestly, questions like that are what have kept me away from the police... I mean people at my work noticed me coming to work injured in the past, they saw him stalking me a couple of days after I left him, a friend who picked me up from work that day had to put him in a head lock to keep him from jumping in the car to grab me... I used to call that same friend in the middle of the night crying and telling him what was happening... I guess he felt helpless, not wanting to start more trouble.
My ex's family knows! We lived with his mom and she was right across the hallway while I was beaten and locked in the bedroom for almost 2 months because I was so beaten that I couldn't be seen by anyone! He beat me on the face with a 2x4, a had black eyes, broken nose, he spray painted my face, damaged my ribs.... so how does someone prove this?

Three years ago it would have been a no brainer.

 

[stripedsox]

"Three years ago it would have been a no brainer."

Are you serious? Is that your response? I am obviously on the wrong web site, because that is the most insensitive statement after what I have posted! I am sorry, but who are you really? Obviously NOT someone who has been in a domestic abuse relationship or even really cares about someone who is because if you were you wouldn't open the door for someone to relive something like that just to reply "Three years ago it would have been a no brainer."

Thanks, but no thanks, you just keep communicating into space with people you know you will never meet with your computer, and leave us REAL people with REAL feelings alone!
HOW HURTFUL!

 

[stealth2]

so how does someone prove this?

One proves this by reporting it to the police every time it happens. WHEN it happens. Three years down the road? You have no proof that it was him! It really isn't our fault that you chose not to report it then.

 

[Antigone*]

"Three years ago it would have been a no brainer."

Are you serious? Is that your response? I am obviously on the wrong web site, because that is the most insensitive statement after what I have posted! I am sorry, but who are you really? Obviously NOT someone who has been in a domestic abuse relationship or even really cares about someone who is because if you were you wouldn't open the door for someone to relive something like that just to reply "Three years ago it would have been a no brainer."

Thanks, but no thanks, you just keep communicating into space with people you know you will never meet with your computer, and leave us REAL people with REAL feelings alone!
HOW HURTFUL!

Sorry you didn't like the delivery but you are asking to nail this guy three years later???? You got accurate legal information. If you are looking for a support group you are in the wrong place.

 

[stripedsox]

O.K. From what I can assess from the posts so far is this:
you are all a bunch of stay at home house wives with nothing to do but play on the computer and act like attorneys. Get a life!
By the way, the statute of limitations on a sexual assault is 4 years, so if you don't know what you are talking about.... DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
The three years I have had to grow and learn are nothing in comparison of the 13 years of hell I have gone through, not that I expect you to understand, or care if you do.

I feel you are liable for infliction of emotional distress at this time, and I do not have the time for such frivolous "chatting" with you and your self riteousness! Go torment someone else. I am done with you.

 

[mistoffolees]

O.K. From what I can assess from the posts so far is this:
you are all a bunch of stay at home house wives with nothing to do but play on the computer and act like attorneys. Get a life!

Wrong - for quite a few of the posters, anyway.

By the way, the statute of limitations on a sexual assault is 4 years, so if you don't know what you are talking about.... DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

No one said you couldn't FILE for sexual assault. They said you'd have a hard time PROVING it - which is true.

Besides, I'm not sure your facts are right. Nothing that you've cited appears to be sexual assault. (Sexual assault and domestic violence are not the same thing). Even so, I'm not sure your timing is right.
Oregon Criminal Statute of Limitations Laws - OR Criminal Statute of Limitations Laws - FindLaw for the Public

I feel you are liable for infliction of emotional distress at this time, and I do not have the time for such frivolous "chatting" with you and your self riteousness! Go torment someone else. I am done with you.

Emotional distress - for giving you a valid, legal response to your question? You really need to grow up.

 

[Zigner]

O.K. From what I can assess from the posts so far is this:
you are all a bunch of stay at home house wives with nothing to do but play on the computer and act like attorneys. Get a life!
By the way, the statute of limitations on a sexual assault is 4 years, so if you don't know what you are talking about.... DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
The three years I have had to grow and learn are nothing in comparison of the 13 years of hell I have gone through, not that I expect you to understand, or care if you do.

I feel you are liable for infliction of emotional distress at this time, and I do not have the time for such frivolous "chatting" with you and your self riteousness! Go torment someone else. I am done with you.

You need more help (legally AND mentally) than an internet forum could ever provide. PLEASE seek help from a mental health professional.

 

[AnotherTenant]

OP, from one formerly abused wife to another: listen to what I say. I know what I'm talking about.

What happened to you was awful and wrong and you did not deserve it. No doubt everyone who knows you believes you. It does not matter, though: at this late date no judge, or cop, or juror is interested in hearing your story. They will not help you to have your ex prosecuted at this point in the game. They have long since moved on from July 20, 2007, and it's time that you did as well.

Revenge doesn't help. You need to regain your own power and you don't do that by hurting him - you do it by making yourself into a strong and healthy individual. Your tremendous emotional investment in hurting him is only evidence that you're still allowing him to control your life, albeit in a completely different manner.

Get counseling. Find a support group. There are lots of us out there and we are one another's best allies. You may always be afraid of him (it's been 14 years for me, and I'm still afraid of running into him on the street), but until you focus on making your life better, rather than making his worse, he's still running the show.

Good luck to you. I know you can do it.