Advice for CPS and "Assault BI FV" situation?

[Gintoki]

Arlington, TX
Tarrant County

So my fiance and I got into a ridiculous fight with various objects being broken (not thrown though) and involved one of us wrestling away a baseball bat and 2 incidents of biting. Now, we had told our son to go to his room for a while but at one point upon returning to our home from outside he saw us come through the doorway, one of us with our arms around the other, wrestling away an arcade stick (to prevent it from being destroyed). As far as I was aware, our son never saw anything other than that and we soon stopped the scuffle. One of us threatened to call the cop at one point and then the other called the cops claiming violence..etc. So the police show up and we are already cooled down and ok and didn't want to answer the door until they threatened to beat it down. So they patted one of us down and forced the 2 of us to sit, in separate locations. We both told our stories,I personally had a hazy memory and it took a long time to get the stories lined up. Eventually they handcuffed us both and took us to the station. The police officers at no point warned us of our miranda rights and the both of us were told by officers multiple times that this was more than likely just going to be thrown out. We were both charged with "Assault Bodily Injury Family Violence" with a $2500 bond. I was released for $75 the next day because I had never been arrested. I bailed the other of us out the same day.

Of course neither of us feel our behavior was at all acceptable but in our personal opinion we really don't see it as anything the law has any good reason to get involved with except to extort money. On the other hand we do deeply regret that our son saw us in that particular moment, thankfully he was never scared, just alarmed, and was immediately playful and friendly after it was calm. There is no excuse for him to have seen any of that, whether you consider it violence or not. My significant other's sister came to pick up our son after we were taken away.

CPS is coming for a visit in 4 days and we are terrified by all we have read about them. We are currently living in a 1 bedroom apartment with the living room as his bedroom, this is only temporary and a means of staying afloat as we build our new business (which is thus far successful, still a ways to go). Some say we should avoid letting the CPS into our homes at all costs as there are a lot of case workers that will twist and use anything you say against you, as well as claim an emergency to take your kid at any time, others say to comply and answer all questions...I don't know which. We will definitely be recording anything that takes place. We have also learned it is likely they will take him from school to interrogate and manipulate him into saying anything they want. Are we legally aloud to be present if our son were to request to call us before leaving with them? Can he refuse to go with them? Any psychopath with a nice enough record and college can become a CPS caseworker and many people have unjustly had their families torn apart by them. How cooperative should we be? Should the wife and son stay at a friend's house as a means of showing intention of repairing our relationship (even though we both feel we're on a great start)? What can we expect from their visit?

I understand a lot of these questions are for an attorney for the charges we recieved, probably for the CPS visit as well. But we don't have the money for one and should have plenty of time to educate ourselves. I personally am fine with going to jail instead of paying them a penny for this. Everybody knows our legal system is disgusting. What do you think we are looking at and what actions we should take?

 

[Proserpina]

Arlington, TX
Tarrant County

So my fiance and I got into a ridiculous fight with various objects being broken (not thrown though) and involved one of us wrestling away a baseball bat and 2 incidents of biting. Now, we had told our son to go to his room for a while but at one point upon returning to our home from outside he saw us come through the doorway, one of us with our arms around the other, wrestling away an arcade stick (to prevent it from being destroyed). As far as I was aware, our son never saw anything other than that and we soon stopped the scuffle. One of us threatened to call the cop at one point and then the other called the cops claiming violence..etc. So the police show up and we are already cooled down and ok and didn't want to answer the door until they threatened to beat it down. So they patted one of us down and forced the 2 of us to sit, in separate locations. We both told our stories,I personally had a hazy memory and it took a long time to get the stories lined up. Eventually they handcuffed us both and took us to the station. The police officers at no point warned us of our miranda rights and the both of us were told by officers multiple times that this was more than likely just going to be thrown out. We were both charged with "Assault Bodily Injury Family Violence" with a $2500 bond. I was released for $75 the next day because I had never been arrested. I bailed the other of us out the same day.

Of course neither of us feel our behavior was at all acceptable but in our personal opinion we really don't see it as anything the law has any good reason to get involved with except to extort money. On the other hand we do deeply regret that our son saw us in that particular moment, thankfully he was never scared, just alarmed, and was immediately playful and friendly after it was calm. There is no excuse for him to have seen any of that, whether you consider it violence or not. My significant other's sister came to pick up our son after we were taken away.

CPS is coming for a visit in 4 days and we are terrified by all we have read about them. We are currently living in a 1 bedroom apartment with the living room as his bedroom, this is only temporary and a means of staying afloat as we build our new business (which is thus far successful, still a ways to go). Some say we should avoid letting the CPS into our homes at all costs as there are a lot of case workers that will twist and use anything you say against you, as well as claim an emergency to take your kid at any time, others say to comply and answer all questions...I don't know which. We will definitely be recording anything that takes place. We have also learned it is likely they will take him from school to interrogate and manipulate him into saying anything they want. Are we legally aloud to be present if our son were to request to call us before leaving with them? Can he refuse to go with them? Any psychopath with a nice enough record and college can become a CPS caseworker and many people have unjustly had their families torn apart by them. How cooperative should we be? Should the wife and son stay at a friend's house as a means of showing intention of repairing our relationship (even though we both feel we're on a great start)? What can we expect from their visit?

I understand a lot of these questions are for an attorney for the charges we recieved, probably for the CPS visit as well. But we don't have the money for one and should have plenty of time to educate ourselves. I personally am fine with going to jail instead of paying them a penny for this. Everybody knows our legal system is disgusting. What do you think we are looking at and what actions we should take?

Ask your attorney.

The state will step in to consider the welfare of your child if you're unwilling to do so yourselves.

 

[Silverplum]

Do note that "any psychopath" can become a parent. And with any background and any criminal record, and with much less effort.

You may want to bear that in mind.

 

[stealth2]

Also, your fiance/SO/wife may want to get that part of your story "lined up", too.

 

[Gail in Georgia]

"We both told our stories,I personally had a hazy memory and it took a long time to get the stories lined up."

Probably be a good idea to be sober too when CPS shows up.

Gail

 

[stealth2]

So wait a minute. You live in a 1BR apt, and your child's "bedroom" is the living room. I can't imagine the place is all that large, with multiple other rooms available - BR, LR, Bath, K and eating area, perhaps? When you told your son to "go to his room", where did he go? The Living Room(i.e. the main living area of the home)? Which one would expect is likely the first room you step into from the front door? And you think he saw nothing except a snippet of a struggle? Heard nothing of his parents fighting physically? I have some beachfront property in Arizona I'd happily sell you!

How old is your child? How much had the two of you had to drink? Were you driving with the child in the vehicle? Any other substances involved? Do you honestly, in the harsh light of morning and sobriety, believe that physical fighting and biting is NOT a reason for the authorities to get involved? What have the two of you done with regard to counseling (individual, couples and perhaps both sobriety and anger management) since this incident? Do you realize that the cops aren't there to teach each other a lesson?

Personally, I hope Auntie is both willing and able to care for the child until the two of you "adults" are able to pull yourselves together. I suspect you need to speak with an attorney ASAP (actually - likely one for each of you) and become resigned to the fact that you will not be bringing your son home in the next few days. Kiddo deserves better than to watch his parents brawling and biting one another and the hauled away in cuffs. Shame on you both.

 

[Gintoki]

My family has already received help and information from good people on other forums and we are on a healthier path. Empathy is a very valuable thing to develop in life. I understand that making quips and sharing reflective opinions helps you feel better about yourself among others on forums, but I do hope you consider why you are on here and why you say what you do with the sponsoring thought being your focus.

Stealth2 I'm not pretending to be just and I do not feel like I've made good choices and I am not defending my behavior. I mentioned that we told our son to go to his room with hopes that it would be useful information in some way, not to show that I felt that it in itself was an acceptable, practical measure. We were not intoxicated, my wife has a fatty liver disease and for obvious reasons does not drink or do drugs and to show support, neither do I. I WOULD think it plenty of reason for the authorities to get involved...but in finding that the law's intention in coming to "help" is simply putting you in jail and demanding money instead of assisting with say...demanded counseling, therapy, a probationary program in which case workers assist you in discovering better means of communication and healthy life choices with compassion and good will...I feel better off without them. If they wanted to help they'd have put thought into it, instead of just using us and our money to keep taxes low, pretending it's for our and other's own good. We have been waiting for MHMR to open (closed for holidays) for counseling and plan to take classes that will assist our case and well being. I respect your personal opinion of our situation but I do not care for shame, I care for growth. Also, thanks for the property offer, unfortunately I highly doubt I could afford it.

The fact that any of you could potentially be our attorney scares me. Like I said, empathy is valuable, if not one of the most important virtues to develop in life.

 

[Silverplum]

I saw the OP viewing his thread a few minutes ago. Left without responding.

 

[Proserpina]

I've read and reread this several times and all I can say is that I hope we've been trolled. The alternative is tragic and heartbreaking in just about equal amounts.

Quoting again because ... because.

So my fiance and I got into a ridiculous fight with various objects being broken (not thrown though) and involved one of us wrestling away a baseball bat and 2 incidents of biting. Now, we had told our son to go to his room for a while but at one point upon returning to our home from outside he saw us come through the doorway, one of us with our arms around the other, wrestling away an arcade stick (to prevent it from being destroyed). As far as I was aware, our son never saw anything other than that and we soon stopped the scuffle. One of us threatened to call the cop at one point and then the other called the cops claiming violence..etc. So the police show up and we are already cooled down and ok and didn't want to answer the door until they threatened to beat it down. So they patted one of us down and forced the 2 of us to sit, in separate locations. We both told our stories,I personally had a hazy memory and it took a long time to get the stories lined up. Eventually they handcuffed us both and took us to the station. The police officers at no point warned us of our miranda rights and the both of us were told by officers multiple times that this was more than likely just going to be thrown out. We were both charged with "Assault Bodily Injury Family Violence" with a $2500 bond. I was released for $75 the next day because I had never been arrested. I bailed the other of us out the same day.

Of course neither of us feel our behavior was at all acceptable but in our personal opinion we really don't see it as anything the law has any good reason to get involved with except to extort money. On the other hand we do deeply regret that our son saw us in that particular moment, thankfully he was never scared, just alarmed, and was immediately playful and friendly after it was calm. There is no excuse for him to have seen any of that, whether you consider it violence or not. My significant other's sister came to pick up our son after we were taken away.

CPS is coming for a visit in 4 days and we are terrified by all we have read about them. We are currently living in a 1 bedroom apartment with the living room as his bedroom, this is only temporary and a means of staying afloat as we build our new business (which is thus far successful, still a ways to go). Some say we should avoid letting the CPS into our homes at all costs as there are a lot of case workers that will twist and use anything you say against you, as well as claim an emergency to take your kid at any time, others say to comply and answer all questions...I don't know which. We will definitely be recording anything that takes place. We have also learned it is likely they will take him from school to interrogate and manipulate him into saying anything they want. Are we legally aloud to be present if our son were to request to call us before leaving with them? Can he refuse to go with them? Any psychopath with a nice enough record and college can become a CPS caseworker and many people have unjustly had their families torn apart by them. How cooperative should we be? Should the wife and son stay at a friend's house as a means of showing intention of repairing our relationship (even though we both feel we're on a great start)? What can we expect from their visit?

That child needs to be removed from the two "any psychopath" "parents" (and I use the term "parent" as loosely as I'm able) who clearly are fit to care for nothing more complex than a carrot.

If the little boy was not negatively affected, but calm and friendly and happy, it's because family violence is no stranger to his household. Lest I need to spell it out for the abusive parents (and yep, THEY ARE ABUSING THAT CHILD), what I mean is that he's used to seeing you go at it. It no longer affects him. It's become his normal.

 

[Proserpina]

(As an aside, I won't be surprised if the OP returns to tell us it was a dreadful mistake and that they're actually Buddhists. I'm not kidding - and there's a reason why I've mentioned that )

 

[Eekamouse]

I've read and reread this several times and all I can say is that I hope we've been trolled. The alternative is tragic and heartbreaking in just about equal amounts.

Quoting again because ... because.




That child needs to be removed from the two "any psychopath" "parents" (and I use the term "parent" as loosely as I'm able) who clearly are fit to care for nothing more complex than a carrot.

If the little boy was not negatively affected, but calm and friendly and happy, it's because family violence is no stranger to his household. Lest I need to spell it out for the abusive parents (and yep, THEY ARE ABUSING THAT CHILD), what I mean is that he's used to seeing you go at it. It no longer affects him. It's become his normal.

Yes, indeedy. And that is how he will conduct himself in his own adult relationships when he is older because as the old saying goes, "Children learn what they live."

 

[Just Blue]

I've read and reread this several times and all I can say is that I hope we've been trolled. The alternative is tragic and heartbreaking in just about equal amounts.

Quoting again because ... because.




That child needs to be removed from the two "any psychopath" "parents" (and I use the term "parent" as loosely as I'm able) who clearly are fit to care for nothing more complex than a carrot.

If the little boy was not negatively affected, but calm and friendly and happy, it's because family violence is no stranger to his household. Lest I need to spell it out for the abusive parents (and yep, THEY ARE ABUSING THAT CHILD), what I mean is that he's used to seeing you go at it. It no longer affects him. It's become his normal.

I actually thought the reason child was "calm and friendly and happy" was because seeing the violence his parents visited upon one another, he was afraid if he cried or was upset they would attack him. Not an unreasonable fear.

Poor child.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I think the *best* thing OP and his partner can do is get psychological help - or at the very least, get into an anger management program.

When you're at the point of biting each other in anger - well, let's just say that most of the people responding to this thread haven't done that since they were toddlers. It is not normal behavior.

The other thing OP should do is adjust his attitude towards the legal system. If you go into court thinking the system is "disgusting" and that you'd rather go to jail than deal with your problems, then the outcome is unlikely to be pleasant.

Most people would prefer to do what they have to to stay out of jail and maintain custody of their child. That OP would rather be in jail speaks volumes - and not in a good way.

Considering the obvious lack of stability in this relationship, we all have to wonder what the age of this child is, and whether leaving the child unattended (while having a knock-down-drag-out) is neglectful in and of itself.

I suspect OP would find the idea of therapy or anger-management training as disgusting as the legal system. I doubt that OP will volunteer any more info, so long as no one posts anything in a replay that he'd want to hear.

 

[Gintoki]

Excuse my absence. I've been trying to reply for a while now but any large message that requires approval never makes it through and any edits to small messages don't work and delete my reply. So, in knowing that I have not made insult in my post and it it is a practical reply. I'm going to post my reply broken up into smaller messages till it works:

My family has already received help and information from good people on other forums and we are on a healthier path. Empathy is a very valuable thing to develop in life. I understand that making quips and sharing reflective opinions helps you feel better about yourself among others on forums, but I do hope you consider why you are on here and why you say what you do with the sponsoring thought being your focus.

 

[Just Blue]

I've been trying to reply since this morning...but for some reason, even though I have not said anything offensive and am validly replying to someone's questions and statements I have no idea why it won't fly.

Well you seem able to post now. So feel free to "validly reply".