another "trying to fight a BS TRO" plz offer advice

[CYBERPUNK]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I am in FL but the TRO was filed in Hawaii

first a lil backstory:

I used to live in Hawaii with my then wife

our relationship was obviously not as good as I thought it was and went downhill after I discovered that she had an affair in Nov 08

also fyi I am prior military but I got out shortly b4 we got married, early 07, but she is still active duty military

she deployed for 6 months in Dec 08 (so shortly after the affair), I was under the impression that we were "reconciling" during the month prior to her leaving, but basically the 6 months away was the coup de grace

i received the request papers for the divorce on our anniversary (apr 09), she then returned to hawaii late june 09, but we did not live together, and over the next several months we went through a bitter divorce process

basically from dec 08 to nov 09 when I finally left hawaii and got into FL I had little to no contact with her aside from the occasional bitter/argument on the phone and the few times that she had to come to the house to get some of her things, so I really have no clue what is going on in her life, but I assume that she is screwing up just like she did with me (just IMHO I know)

ok so the divorce was finalized in Oct 09 and shortly thereafter I was flown to FL at the government's expense (since I was a spouse being sent home)

now enough of the backstory, here's the deal

sometime shortly b4 thanksgiving my now ex-wife contacted my father and asked him if I was sending her nasty txt msgs

then in early december her father emailed me and my father asking me to stop sending her nasty emails and to leave her alone and move on with my life

so, here I am, finally taking everyone's advice that I spent the last year not listening to and I am finally trying to move on with my life, and then this happens

I have NOT sent any such txt msgs to her (she knows how much I hate txting) and I have NOT sent the above mentioned emails

regardless I have received a TRO from the first circuit family court of honolulu hawaii and I have a court date for the middle of Jan 2010

I used to work for the government and I know that law enforcement can work with cell phone companies and yahoo and pull records to identify these kinds of things, but since I am not the person claiming the harrassment they will not let me conduct my own investigation to figure out who the hell is sending this crap

ironically enough I am on her side (my ex) in this because I DO want to find out what the hell is going on here because my name is being dragged thru the mud on this

I dont really care about not contacting my ex, because I have no interest or reason to (at least not until this), but I do not want to sit idly by and let this crap go down on my record as I am not guilty of these accusations

let me also say this, I am by no means perfect, shortly b4 discovering her affair my then-wife told me that she wanted a divorce, this came out of the blue to me and I basically snapped, i threw stuff and smashed stuff and got suicidally depressed, I even tried to threaten her hoping that she would end my misery in self-defense, this is not something that I am proud of but I realize now that I let the depression really take over and that kind of vicious circle can really ruin any logical thinking and/or reason, not to mention I have had over 12 months to learn and grow wiser

but that was/is the past and I have no reason to want to be malicious to her anymore

I do not know if she is just making up false claims to try and make me miserable or if she really is being harrassed by someone (I am sure that she has had plenty of time to make new enemies tho), on one hand I do wish that I could help her if the later is the case, but of course I am not going to shoot myself in the foot by trying to contact her

another thing, I do not even have any contact information for her, no phone #, no emails, I do not even know how she thinks that I was able to get this information in the first place

I have discovered that I represent myself telephonically and that I do not have to fly back to hawaii to be in court but I do not know how comfortable I am with this

plz inform me if I really should get a lawyer and how am I supposed to prove that I am not doing something that I am not doing? (how can I show records of txt msgs that I did not send from a number that I do not own?)

many thanks in advance for any and all assistance

desperately seeking justice
CYBERPUNK

 

[Hot Topic]

It's up to her to prove that you authored the messages.

You have a passive/agressive relationship with your ex-wife. If you don't go to Hawaii and don't want to testify by telephone, what do you expect to happen? If you want to fight for your reputation, you have to hire a lawyer and fight for it. You can't sit around going, "This isn't fair, this isn't right, but on the other hand...."

 

[CYBERPUNK]

thank you for your response

again, thank you for responding

could you please elaborate more on how/why you feel that I have a passive aggressive relationship/behavior model? I do not want to deny something if I do not completely understand it

but also let me say that by no means do I plan on sitting idly by while all this happens, I am just loathe to have to deal with all this mess (ie I do wish that it could be settled and go away and I could get back to moving on with my life)

I find it ironic that the nature of a RO is to keep people apart but that I might have to travel 5000 miles to get closer to my ex to deal with all this crap

I also do not want to have to shell out money to get a lawyer to defend myself from these false accusations, because I am probably going to want to sue her for my travel/legal/emotional/etc expenses (I was planning on starting school in Jan, but now I will have to wait till the next semester)

I understand default court decisions, just as I had 30 days with which to make an answer to the original divorce form that I received, had I not given a response the original divorce would have gone through with no input from me (ie everything she wanted, me getting screwed, etc), so I do not plan on letting this TRO become a PRO as long as I can do something about it

and I am under the impression that the nature of this forum and the nature of my post was to try to get as much outside input from hopefully other wiser sources about what all exactly that I can be doing

right now I am under the impression that I can represent myself telephonically as long as I can write a letter or fax to the court and the judge approves it (ie they do not have to), or I can hire a lawyer to represent me instead, or I could fly back and represent myself and/or have a lawyer with me as well

I would truly rather be in person with legal counsel but I do not want to spend that much money unless I can be assured (or as close as possible) that I will be able to re-comp my losses somehow (I am not rich by any means and I am just trying to get my life back on track without going into the hole defending myself from something that I am not doing)

and yes it's true that I am shaking my fists and screaming "this isn't fair" and I know that life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean that I should take this lying down, and I was under the impression that this would be a justifiable civil suit (something else which I was never interested in having to go thru, but alas)

if I am mistaken or you believe that I am seeing any of this through some kind of rosy or other colored glasses/vision, please let me know

thank you again for your response

 

[Hot Topic]

If you don't want to travel 5,000 miles to contest the issue or you don't want to be there with a lawyer unless you receive assurance that you can recover your losses, you might as well stay home and deal with it from there. I would be leary of an attorney who not only assured you that you'd win but that you'd recoup all your expenses. I don't see you getting emotional distress because then everyone who goes to court would automatically be entitled to it.

And not everyone who goes to court is rich.