Appealing a Domestic Violence RO. (not in a "dating" relationship and no actual abuse

[CdwJava]

It is a TRO. I was never given criminal charges, the guy went to the court to apply for the RO himself.

Okay ... so, you have a DV TRO. Don't violate it. It is a MANDATORY arrest in California.

 

[CJane]

You showed up at your ex-boyfriend's house 5 months after the relationship ended/transitioned to friendship, and started CUTTING YOURSELF, and you wonder why he filed for a restraining order?

 

[FamilyGirl]

You should have a hearing date on your R.O. paper work. At the hearing, you will be able to explain your side. It is at that time you could argue that you feel it is not a domestic matter. Unfortunately your own admissions defy your own logic. You're picking at straws arguing whether or not it is or it isn't a domestic matter. The real matter you need to consider is the guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and is moving on. You're violating his right to do so. You'll need to accept the fact he does not want to be in a relationship with you and move on yourself. If you continue to harass or stalk him you will face criminal penalties. Why would you want to waste your time trying to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with you? If what your admitting to actually took place (cutting in front of him), it is very likely this will become a permanent order.

 

[Just Blue]

No. We were friends. I thought he had stopped talking to the girl he cheated on me with so we were on good terms. It wasn't until i found out she was now his girlfriend that i showed up at his house and started cutting myself.

Stay away from the man. He wants nothing to do with you. Hurting yourself will not change his mind...You will just end up in a lockdown Mental Facility.

 

[justalayman]

I stopped reading anything after this:

The person who filed the RO against me cheated on me and as a result constantly told me that we were not boyfriend and girlfriend

(b) "Domestic violence" means abuse committed against an adult or
a minor who is a spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former
cohabitant, or person with whom the suspect has had a child or is
having or has had a dating or engagement relationship. For purposes
of this subdivision, "cohabitant" means two unrelated adult persons
living together for a substantial period of time, resulting in some
permanency of relationship. Factors that may determine whether
persons are cohabiting include, but are not limited to, (1) sexual
relations between the parties while sharing the same living quarters,
(2) sharing of income or expenses, (3) joint use or ownership of
property, (4) whether the parties hold themselves out as husband and
wife, (5) the continuity of the relationship, and (6) the length of
the relationship.

so, did you date?

 

[FamilyGirl]

And even if hell froze over and you were able to have it dismissed for allegedly not being a domestic matter; he's still going to get a restraining order on you if you continue to act like this way. You're wasting your time fighting it.

 

[RRevak]

I'm at a serious loss for words here. So let me get this straight: OP actually admitted to this!?

No. We were friends. I thought he had stopped talking to the girl he cheated on me with so we were on good terms. It wasn't until i found out she was now his girlfriend that i showed up at his house and started cutting myself.

Woooooooow!

If my ex hadn't pulled this same nonsense in front of me when I would attempt to leave I would be tempted to call troll on this one. But since OP hasn't been back in a while (hopefully she's in-patient somewhere as a reason for not coming back) i'm going to just sit back and breathe yet another sigh of relief that my ex and I are not together anymore. I really really hope OP's ex and his girlfriend managed to maintain the RO and are safe from OP and her brand of crazy.

Darnit, now I want to punch my ex for the momentary memory of his antics

 

[RRevak]

Stay away from the man. He wants nothing to do with you. Hurting yourself will not change his mind...You will just end up in a lockdown Mental Facility.

Where she belongs!!

 

[justalayman]

I'm at a serious loss for words here. So let me get this straight: OP actually admitted to this!?



Woooooooow!

If my ex hadn't pulled this same nonsense in front of me when I would attempt to leave I would be tempted to call troll on this one. But since OP hasn't been back in a while (hopefully she's in-patient somewhere as a reason for not coming back) i'm going to just sit back and breathe yet another sigh of relief that my ex and I are not together anymore. I really really hope OP's ex and his girlfriend managed to maintain the RO and are safe from OP and her brand of crazy.

Darnit, now I want to punch my ex for the momentary memory of his antics

while I understand your point, I would like all to understand that cutting stems from a mental illness. While it may be fun to mock the girl, she does really need some professional help.




and while this could be a troll, I too will not go there yet as this is an issue not too far removed from myself. The story provided is quite plausible and rather than attempt to inflame her if it is true, I rather suggest she seek professional help for her problems. The cutting, the anger issues, and a few more that are peeking out need to be addressed in a professional setting.

 

[RRevak]

while I understand your point, I would like all to understand that cutting stems from a mental illness. While it may be fun to mock the girl, she does really need some professional help.




and while this could be a troll, I too will not go there yet as this is an issue not too far removed from myself. The story provided is quite plausible and rather than attempt to inflame her if it is true, I rather suggest she seek professional help for her problems. The cutting, the anger issues, and a few more that are peeking out need to be addressed in a professional setting.

There is cutting and then there is "cutting". One is part of a severe and very real mental condition. The other, while still being the result of mental illness, is cutting as a means of intense control over another person. A very desperate and public display of "look at me!" if you will. I've known real cutters. The ones who's scars we don't see because of how hard they work to cover them up. They are people who experience intense internal pain and choose self harm as an outlet for that pain. OP is the brand that does it to hurt other people. Maybe this type of thing is particularly anger inducing to me because my ex used this as a means of control over me. He would rage, kick things, throw things, grab me by the shoulders and shake me, and when that didn't work to get what he wanted he would begin slashing his arms with kitchen knives. There aren't many words to describe what its like to be in the middle of a situation like that. OP gives me that same feeling of doing it only as a means of manipulation which to be honest, makes me nauseous.

 

[justalayman]

There is cutting and then there is "cutting". One is part of a severe and very real mental condition. The other, while still being the result of mental illness, is cutting as a means of intense control over another person. A very desperate and public display of "look at me!" if you will. I've known real cutters. The ones who's scars we don't see because of how hard they work to cover them up. They are people who experience intense internal pain and choose self harm as an outlet for that pain. OP is the brand that does it to hurt other people. Maybe this type of thing is particularly anger inducing to me because my ex used this as a means of control over me. He would rage, kick things, throw things, grab me by the shoulders and shake me, and when that didn't work to get what he wanted he would begin slashing his arms with kitchen knives. There aren't many words to describe what its like to be in the middle of a situation like that. OP gives me that same feeling of doing it only as a means of manipulation which to be honest, makes me nauseous.

both types of cutter need psych counseling, for different reasons.

and I have to disagree with the claim it is to be an outlet for an internal pain with the hidden cutters, at least with some of them. Several I have known tell me it was because they felt "numb" due to a total lack of control in their life along with being overwhelmed to so great of an extent they shut down, or turn off their feelings just so they can cope. Once they do that, unless their life changes, they remain in a shut down state. The numbness becomes something that in itself is difficult to cope with so they cut simply so they "feel something". It is not an outlet for the pain but simply a means of letting themselves know they are still alive in comparison to a dead person who is as numb as you can get. I suppose it might be described as an externalization of internal pain but those I have spoken with have never described it that way to me. They are not dealing with the internal pain but the symptom caused by the internalization of the pain (overwhelming life activities) and as such are finding a way to continue the repression of the conflicts they have internalized by escaping the numbness, even if only for a short time. From my layman way of thinking, I would see it as being analogous to a person that breaks something when they are angry. It is a release from their anger. it doesn't alter the underlying reason for the anger nor does it actually fix anything but it does release them from the overwhelming feelings of anger for a period of time.

the type of cutter in this thread is yes, they do it intentionally to gain attention they can't get otherwise and in gaining that attention, they do control a person to some extent.


but they both need treatment.

 

[RRevak]

both types of cutter need psych counseling, for different reasons.

and I have to disagree with the claim it is to be an outlet for an internal pain with the hidden cutters, at least with some of them. Several I have known tell me it was because they felt "numb" due to a total lack of control in their life along with being overwhelmed to so great of an extent they shut down, or turn off their feelings just so they can cope. Once they do that, unless their life changes, they remain in a shut down state. The numbness becomes something that in itself is difficult to cope with so they cut simply so they "feel something". It is not an outlet for the pain but simply a means of letting themselves know they are still alive in comparison to a dead person who is as numb as you can get. I suppose it might be described as an externalization of internal pain but those I have spoken with have never described it that way to me. They are not dealing with the internal pain but the symptom caused by the internalization of the pain (overwhelming life activities) and as such are finding a way to continue the repression of the conflicts they have internalized by escaping the numbness, even if only for a short time. From my layman way of thinking, I would see it as being analogous to a person that breaks something when they are angry. It is a release from their anger. it doesn't alter the underlying reason for the anger nor does it actually fix anything but it does release them from the overwhelming feelings of anger for a period of time.

the type of cutter in this thread is yes, they do it intentionally to gain attention they can't get otherwise and in gaining that attention, they do control a person to some extent.


but they both need treatment.

Very much agreed!