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Can this even be reported?

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breezymom

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York



Ok, I realize I should have called the police when he threatened suicide or when he was calling me upwards of 15 times or better at all hours of the day/night.



I've done what folks in the C&V forum have suggested with non-committal replies and such during exchanges of the child and so on. Everyone's thoughts all around: You ignore his idiocy and he'll stop. No, he won't.



Fact is, my child's father and I have joint legal custody. I can't ignore him and the non-committals are not working. They are pushing him further and further over the edge.



What the non-committals have lead to:



He is now making accusations (not stating the two words "sexual abuse," but...) concerning my step father. My parents watch the child while I work. There are NO signs of sexual abuse. A toddler (you know how toddlers speak) saying, "Papa tickle me," turned into, "Papa hurt me," while pointing to her belly button is his grounds. I've asked the child what she and Papa do. Her reply has been, "Papa tickle me." It is hard to understand.



So, here is the situation:



I left him a message, per joint legal custody reasons, to call the child psychologist, if he wishes, and make an appointment. That she wants to talk to the parents separately, first, then each parent with the child in separate appointments. He told me he needed to call because he had questions about this. Apparently he couldn't type. Any time he needs to call, it is to pressure and try and get a reaction out of me. He gave the time of when the child would be in bed to call. The night passed and he didn't call. He sent a message saying he wasn't feeling well. Then he sent a message saying he would call last night about the same time. Last night went by, he played games on Facebook, but no call.



This late morning rolls around, kid is awake, he calls. I told him to hold on a moment as we were watching a movie and left the child to watch the movie and I moved to another room where she couldn't hear. Long story short on this, I ended up having to go downstairs. I had, at the beginning, asked him why he would call when he knows the child is awake. Sidenote: After all...toddlers aren't exactly the age group to keep busy for a long-ish period of time while you have to speak on the phone. He turned it around, later, and asked if we could speak at a better time...much later.



He went on demanding things, asking if my stepdad were going to be in the counseling and I said not at this time. The purpose, first, was to get things out in the open and discuss things we thought were issues. (The child shows no signs of sexual abuse.) I kept telling him it was up to him if he made the appointment and he didn't like that. So he starts flipping a lid and starts saying, "Well WE think" this and that, to which I responded, "The only we in this is you and I. My parents are not legal parties to this and neither is your mother.



He didn't like this, either. He then proceeded to say that the counseling is not the way to go and kept pressing the issue that he can and will call the "authorities" about the matter. I told him to do what he thought he needed to do. He kept repeating that so I finally said, "This call is done. It's your choice."



He called when the kid was up for a reason: to catch me off guard and get me riled up, especially considering the content he brought up.



He kept repeating the same crap to intimidate and since he wasn't getting control, he kept repeating it.



This is a repeated issue. If it weren't part of the content he brought up, then I could handle it fine. The last time I had to phone the police about this constant bullying of things, the officer said he was really treading that fine line of aggravated harassment, but since he brought up the remote chance of it involving the child, he couldn't be charged. BUT it was documented and once Dad was finally put back on track for good with the officer, after rambling about an indeterminate amount of irrelevant matters, he was told to stop. Really, that's all I want. I just want him to STOP. Ignoring him hasn't worked for anyone else, isn't working for me, and is just pushing him harder.



His purpose of the call wasn't about the counseling. Once again, his own agenda. Apparently both of his children are being "sexually brutalized."




Would it be ridiculous to report this for an ongoing record? Or should I just pretend like it didn't happen, again? I can't change HIS behavior. I've been changing mine in response, but when he continues his tirades about the same things that have been addressed over and over again, especially when he already HAS the power (i.e. he CAN call and report it IF he believes something is going on. He CAN take her to the doctor, as well.) to get things resolved. Besides the fact that he now has another option: The child psychologist. I involve him in things and he responds with these little fits of if I don't say exactly what he wants me to say or do what he wants me to do, then he is going to "call the authorities."



Last side-note: No, misto, I'm not panicking. I am calm. I never did panic. Get frustrated a bit, yes. I got my advice from my lawyer on what to do in regards to the C&V situation.



My guess is that I just have to keep putting up with the mind games he tries to play...well...I'll use his terminology: "The gaaaaaaammmmeeee!"
 


mommyof4

Senior Member
It's only a game if you agree to play. He can't practice any sort of control if you do not allow it.

He's a weak, spineless loser who has no idea how to function as a man. Let him be miserable. You just document all of his nuttiness and go on with your life. You have one. He? He has a pathetic existence in which he is wasting everybody's oxygen.

As far as reporting? Nothing to report. You know, you don't HAVE to answer the phone just because he calls. Disengage. Communicate ONLY if it is something that is vitally important about the child or is required by your court order. That does not mean you have to let him know everysinglelittlebittything the child does.
 

breezymom

Member
The phone call was supposed to be about a medical decision concerning the child, which, with joint-legal custody, has to be discussed. My mistake was allowing it to go further than my saying, "This is your decision. You can decide whether or not to go," and hanging up. I suppose that is all I will say regarding these things from now on. I'm sorry. It's frustrating. Thank you for your response. I got the answer that I figured and that's what I was looking for, so I will close it and document it.

It's just a bit difficult trying to coparent with someone who tries to play with your head and threaten you every time a decision needs to be made.
 
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