Can I get a restraining order for this?

[esamisa]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California


So I went out with this guy close to 2 years ago ago (went out with him around april-july 2013) We broke up in July 2013 and he was quiet for several months. Around November 2013 he started sending me lots of emails. You could see him going on this emotional roller coaster because he was like I love you come back to me and then went into I hate you you are a dirty whore mode very quickly. I told him through an email that I no longer wanted to have any contacts with him and then he went into this crazy rage mode and called me all sorts of sexually derogatory terms. He continued to send me his super long emails. I've received around 60-70 at this point which I haven't replied to except for the one where i told him stop contacting me.

I tried my best to ignore his crazy emails but then he started calling me a whore publicly on facebook with all sorts of fabricated information. I cut contacts with bunch of people, stopped going to the church where I was going (that's where we met), closed down a lot of my social media, etc.

I continued to ignore him best as I could but he also started contacting my parents across the country by googling them. I think he started posting on their church website + emailed my father. My parents are VERY VERY traditional and religious and I would like to keep them out of my nightlife/relationship/sexual life for obvious reasons. This guy is just making it super hard for me to ignore him. I was all irritated for a few months thinking he might pop up at my place at any moment (he did it to his ex) and I already had depression so this just made it 10000 times worse. He was stalking me online as well and finding posts I made like 6 years ago and using it against me (I haven't done anything too crazy, he just keeps on twisting the facts.) I think he might have BPD (or he fits into all the criteria) but I'm not a doctor so who knows.

He's still emailing me and calling me (I changed my phone number now so he shouldn't be able to do it anymore and I trying to not read his emails) and when I ignore him, he goes onto contact other people around me. I just want him to leave me alone and stop contacting my family. My reputation is ruined and I had to receive counseling because I was scared he might show up and hurt me or something (Also dealing with what was written in those emails was difficult too.) I honestly don't even know what he wants from me because he should know by now that we are never ever going to get back together. He's quieter now but when he was bad he was sending me a long email every 2-3 days or so. He was quiet for about 2 months or so and he just wrote me a long email and then sent something to my parents as well.

I don't know what else to do at this point to make this guy leave me alone? I'm still slightly scared he might snap and come after me in real life because I went out with him close to 2 years and this is still happening. I'm wondering if this is enough for a restraining order? I have email records and the last attempted phone call attempt.

 

[CdwJava]

You can't get a restraining order to prevent him from contacting other people. You CAN report unwanted phone, text or email communications to the police (a potential violation of PC 653m - a misdemeanor). If the contacts continue and you fear for your safety, you can apply for a TRO through the court (check with the local court to find out the specific process and see if they have a self-help office that can advise you).

If his actions are causing you mental anguish, see a therapist to help you work through it. It shouldn't matter what this yutz has to say about you, and the sooner you can stand up and realize that the better you'll feel.

 

[esamisa]

I did see a therapist already because of this - however since my problem was just him constantly bothering me, she couldn't really help me too much.
I'm just trying to stay the heck away from him but he keeps on contacting me. I've been trying my best to ignore him for 2 years and since he's even contacting my family (through googling them?? really?) it's really hard for me to ignore him. I'm just running out of ideas. I'm considering moving as well.

 

[Eekamouse]

Document every contact you get from him. Keep a record as proof of what he has been doing to you. Write down every person he contacts about you, what he says to them, every time he stalks you on social media. He's stalking you and that is a crime and the more proof you have of his actions, the better chance you'll have of the police believing you.

 

[esamisa]

The only issue is the emails/comments he wrote are in Korean (we are both Koreans). Do I have to get these translated?

 

[CdwJava]

I did see a therapist already because of this - however since my problem was just him constantly bothering me, she couldn't really help me too much.
I'm just trying to stay the heck away from him but he keeps on contacting me. I've been trying my best to ignore him for 2 years and since he's even contacting my family (through googling them?? really?) it's really hard for me to ignore him. I'm just running out of ideas. I'm considering moving as well.

You have no control over other people's actions, and a restraining order that protects you will not prevent him from contacting them. If, however, the contacts are frequent enough and always result in an effort to attempt to contact you, a creative detective and prosecutor might be able to make a case for stalking against him, but it will require more than a few queries or contacts over the past couple of years.

 

[CdwJava]

Document every contact you get from him. Keep a record as proof of what he has been doing to you. Write down every person he contacts about you, what he says to them, every time he stalks you on social media. He's stalking you and that is a crime and the more proof you have of his actions, the better chance you'll have of the police believing you.

This is good, but it's not so much a matter of the police believing her as it is the police being able to prove the elements of a crime - including stalking. Stalking is a serious felony and it has been able to be made in similar circumstances, but, a lot will depend on the nature of the contacts, the frequency, and the time frame.

 

[Zigner]

I would think that it would be a violation of the RO if the guy were to contact others as a way to harass the OP. The specific wording of the RO would be important.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You know that you can block his emails, right? Every service is different so you would have to go into the help section but if it is causing you this much anguish, it would be worth blocking him.

 

[CdwJava]

I would think that it would be a violation of the RO if the guy were to contact others as a way to harass the OP. The specific wording of the RO would be important.

To harass via a third party would be a violation. But, harassing someone related to or friends with the protected person would not.

 

[esamisa]

I did block his emails. He contacts people around me instead and harrasses them. I'm just tired of being constantly agitated. I shut down alot of social network sites as well and cut contacts with lots of people. I've changed my phone number and changed the mutual church we used goto. If he can't tell me that I'm a whore then he tells other people that I'm promiscuous (including my father). He says in his emails if you won't talk to me, then I'll talk to your father instead.

He also has a blog where he writes several questionable entries. Could I use that as evidence as well to show that he is mentally unstable? I'm really pulling at anything at this point but =_= sigh.... I'm just tired of dealing with this. My personality has changed because of this. I'm semi scared of people because of this. I might move away because of this. I was finally living my life again then he goes and ruins my reputation yet again. seriously? I only went out with this guy max 3-4 months and he just won't simply leave me alone.

Like emailing only me I could deal with and I did deal with it for a year by myself. I just got theraphy and got over it the best as I could. But I can't get over how he's contacting people we know on purpose to talk about me and ruin my reputation.

 

[Silverplum]

I did block his emails. He contacts people around me instead and harrasses them. I'm just tired of being constantly agitated. I shut down alot of social network sites as well and cut contacts with lots of people. If he can't tell me that I'm a whore then he tells other people that I'm promiscuous (including my father). He says in his emails if you won't talk to me, then I'll talk to your father instead.

He also has a blog where he writes several questionable entries. Could I use that as evidence as well to show that he is mentally unstable?

You are not his doctor, and do not have the right to "diagnose" anyone.

 

[esamisa]

You are not his doctor, and do not have the right to "diagnose" anyone.

I do not give a rats ass about his mental instability or whatever he writes in his own free time long as he leaves me the hell alone. Unfortunately he's not leaving me alone and I just want the judge or whoever to see why I am scared of him snapping or something.

 

[Zigner]

I do not give a rats ass about his mental instability or whatever he writes in his own free time long as he leaves me the hell alone. Unfortunately he's not leaving me alone and I just want the judge or whoever to see why I am scared of him snapping or something.

If you have no proof of a diagnosed medical condition, then you shouldn't bring it up. That's the point that was being made.

 

[Silverplum]

I do not give a rats ass about his mental instability or whatever he writes in his own free time long as he leaves me the hell alone. Unfortunately he's not leaving me alone and I just want the judge or whoever to see why I am scared of him snapping or something.

I've already explained basic civil rights once this morning...do you not understand that you need proof for every accusation?

Frankly, you seem like you might *snap.* I get that you're stressed, but you are asking legal questions.