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Child Abuse... how to prove it?

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tater_tot

Member
This is for my brother-in-law and he is going by TN state laws, but he now resides in NC. His oldest daughter is 8 years old and everytime my brother-in-law gets the kids for his visitation (every other weekend) for the past 1- 1.5 months his oldest daughter has bruises on her legs which she says are from belt marks where her mom is whipping her with a belt, but my brother-in-law was going to take photos, but by the time he gets the kids the bruises are so faint that a camera really won't pick it up that well. Is there anything he can do to prove the bruises are there? Is there anyone (like the school) that he could call and have them on the look out for fresh bruises? I mean he doesn't want them left in an abusive situation and in fear that Child Services wouldn't do anything, because of lack of proof from faded bruises or whatever he doesn't want to call them and possibly get his daughter abused worse for nothing. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
 


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blidiot

Guest
Try the school thing. At the very least (if they choose to get involved) they can help document what is happening. Remeber though, in most states the school will report suspected child abuse to the police and to social services anyway.

This is only the beginning of a very long battle for your brother-in-law.
 

tater_tot

Member
Yes, I understand that the school would eventually involve the police, but like you said then that would be documented proof and they would also be witnesses to the fact. Thanks for the advice though.
 
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cott2

Guest
in the same boat

we live in va. and are going through the exact same thing. 1st all the bruises were blamed on the kids at the 5 different daycares that my step-son has been in and then the school he goes to. my step-son has finally admited to us, he is now 7yrs old, that his mother has been the one beating on him and then she admitted it too,plus said she has forced soap into his mouth and made him eat it.we have tried to tell the school what has been going on and at 1st they said they didn't want to get involved but now he is in so much trouble for not doing his school work and being violent towards the other students that we have went to 4 i.e.p. meetings, which they still have no clue why he acts the way he does and no one will believe what we have said about the abuse & neglect. we have called child prot. services and when they questioned him he told them he got hit at daycare but he told us he is scared to tell because his mom said if he does then they will take her away and he will be a little boy with no mommy and he will get beat again if no one believes him.she even told him if anyone asks him why he is hitting the other kids to tell them because i'm beating on him when he comes to visit his dad and me.take pictures anyway and call c.p.s. and at least it will be docum. that she has been accused.we were told to put a taperecording device on our tele. to keep track of all that is said & boy do we have alot of stuff on it that could get her put in jail but we have to get the $ to take it to court and get the judge to listen to the recordings. don't give up, it's worth all the hassle & hopefully for all concerned parents justice will prevail and the kids will be safe.sorry this is so long,it's very hard to try and help if no one knows my story and that i'm still going through it.
 

nailtech

Senior Member
Try a DR.'s visit,........they have to by law report it... the schools should also.. but there seeing a custody battle their not wanting to get involved in.. if you take the child to the dr. they I bet will do something... and then take the child to a therapist...

maybe if you make an appt. with cps and take the tapes with you, you might get them to listen to them, let them use the tapes in their investigation and save yourself some money on getting a lawyer... let them do it... if they will listen to the tapes and hear what abuse is being done... they should take care of the situation... lets hope anyway... prayers are with you and the children........

maybe you should talk with the child and tape the conversations and ask direct questions on what "Mommy Dearest" told the the child to tell people about the whippings... just a thought...
 
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cott2

Guest
reply:nailtech

in our case when we went to court 2yrs. ago it was court ordered that he be seen by a child psych. but the bio-mom got to talk to her before we did and she told the psych. dr. that we were harrasing her all the time and my step-son didn't even want to go on the visits with his dad and she had to force him and she was just so upset about it all because i had taken him away from her and her son, they had been split up for 3yrs. before we got 2gether, and the dr. told my husband that his son was having problems and it was his fault for leaving his mom & him and he needed to quit doing things with him like playing outside,etc. and grow up and be a normal father & act more like an adult and authority figure in his son's life. needless to say that mad my husband very upset and he tried to tell her the truth but she wouldn't listen to anything that we had to say because she said that the bio-mom was the one bringing him to the sessions and the mom didn't even want to she only did it because it was court ordered but we were paying for it.she only took him to 2 sessions that was it. we would like to find another dr. but she won't let us take him, we would have to go back to court again, which we will.
 

nailtech

Senior Member
what kind of custody does father have,.... joint? if so he shouldnt need her permission... the therapyst should have remained neutral until she found out what was going on I dont think 2 visits would have done that in my opinion....
 
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cott2

Guest
reply

he has joint cust. but everytime the bio-mom can she tries to keep his son away from him, she has signed him up for boy scouts which took away the mon. visits everyother week and then she signed him up for tee-ball which now takes away wed. night, the only other night that he is allowed to visit during the week. we get him everyother weekend and now the tee-ball games are on our weekends and he told her we weren't going to bring him to the games because we only have 2days with him and she blew a gasket and threatened to take it back to crt. and he told her to go ahead and do it because we were told we didn't have to take him to anything that she has signed him up for on our weekends, but everytime it goes to court or infront of the g.a.l. she claims we have been doing everything to keep him out of ex. crr. acts. and it's just a bunch of bull, we always took him to everything and then we found out she wasn't taking him to the prac. ,games and scout meetings, she only signs him up for show, to make herself look good.she is the dr. jeckal & ms. hyde type, really nice infront of the crt. people and plays the wounded ex. and behind their backs she is a psycho.b..... we feel that he should be getting more help with his school wrk. and maybe tutored, instead of being signed up for all this ex. stuff, but she said as long as she isn't called about his behavior and he doesn't get suspended "again", she doesn't care what he does because she is the one who taught him to not take no crap off of anyone and she didn't like school either so she knew he wouldn't.
 

tater_tot

Member
upbeat update

Well, my niece has went to her guidance counselor at school over the bruises and her guidance counslor has said that if it happens again then they will report it to the proper athorities. Also, during the summer my brother-in-law and sister have already planned on putting these kids in therapy. I will keep you updated. Thanks for all the advice.
 

nailtech

Senior Member
what do they mean "AGAIN" if they would report it, there would be no "AGAIN"....... grrrrrrrrrrrrr......... guess its like a restraining order, they cant do anything until you get hurt, but if your killed you wont need one.......grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
 
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cott2

Guest
my sympathy to the kids

you are exactly right, one time is toooo many and they shouldn't wait until it happens again. we have been seeing the bruises for years and no one believes us about it, even the the bio-mom admitted it to us that she was the one doing it and my step-son also admitted it to us but when we called c.p.s. and told them and they went to his school and checked him, seen the bruises and asked him what happened, the problem there was he wouldn't tell them the truth, he said "i think it happened at daycare or my backpack might have done it", so they said "since he didn't tell them that his mom did it there was nothing that could be done except for document it, take pictures and talk to the mom.end of story, unless she really hurts him and he has to go to the hospital or he finally tells them she has done it, so the claim against her was "unfounded". what does it take for these people to see that he is being abused, coming up to his casket after she has done it "one too many times" and saying "oh, we are so sorry, we should have listened to you and seen that there was a problem." it makes me sick. when things like this happens the whole family is affected by it, you feel helpless, especially when the child keeps asking you "protect me,i don't want to get hurt anymore, i thought you loved me." what can you do but to keep telling him to tell the truth when anyone asks him where the bruises are coming from, but to a child they have to protect theirselves and when they are threatened if they do tell the truth then what do you expect them to do but to lie and not point fingers at the one doing the abuse. we have tried everything, any more advice?
 

tater_tot

Member
I agree with you also, but lets face it if you were able to do something after one time than the culprit may be able to lie their way out of it and say it was an accident or whatever, so if there is a history than it's harder to get out of it if it's even possible to get out of it. All we can do is just say our prayers that in the long run she will be safe overall and we (my brother-in-law) will win in the end. Thanks.
 

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