Child assaulting parents and siblings

[WIResident8943]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

I live with my S.O., he has 4 kids with ex wife and 50% custody. Child ages are 5, 8, 10 & 13.

The 13 yr old has been physically assaulting her bio-parents and her siblings for a few months now. By assaulting I mean, punching in the face, throwing books at them, hitting them in the head with hard cover books, throwing cell phone at, throwing any hard object at, pushing, hitting, etc...

She doesn't respect anyone or anything. She will smash things if she doesn't get her way. If she knows 100% that something is MY personal property she will be extra hard on it, attempt to break it or break it.

We have her in counseling, but I feel that something needs to be done in addition to the counseling. Her behavior has been getting worse instead of better. She has also stolen property from me (I'm talking grand theft value here). She feels that she did nothing wrong, and shows no remorse. She doesn't understand why I'm mad at her for taking my valuables (I also have not gotten my property back, she "lost" it).

I have not pressed charges for the theft yet - I want to - but her dad is concerned about her well-being and has asked me to hold off. Charges will be pressed. I fear what she will do to me once I do press charges.

I do not trust her at all. I do not feel safe around her. I'm pregnant and the stress she causes me is very bad for my baby. I do not intend to move out of my home.

I worry about the safety of the other children. I worry about the safety of my baby once it's born.

What are our options for dealing with her? We're at a point where we won't leave her home alone because she can't be trusted. We can't leave her with the other children because she assaults them. She's 13 yrs old and we have to either sit home and keep an eye on her or take her with us wherever we go.

What can we do to protect the other children from her? Her bio-parents can fend for themselves, obviously, but the children are smaller than her and don't stand a chance. She will attack them unprovoked. She will be upset about something that happened at school or upset because her dad wouldn't let her get her way, etc... so she'll go corner the 8 yr old and start hurting her.

She hasn't laid a hand on me yet, but the moment she does I'm calling 911 and having the cops come out. I already told her dad that so he won't be surprised when I do it.

Is this a police matter or a social services matter? Both?

 

[eerelations]

Both. Contacting both right now will resolve all the other issues you've listed. There's no reason you or anyone else should have to put up with this. If your husband continues to refuse to take action, either take action yourself or dump him. One or the other, now.

 

[stealth2]

At the end of the day, OP, your ONLY option is to get out of the situation. That and to file a police report - the DA will decide whether to carry through and press charges.

As for how to help the child, there is nothing you can do. She is not your child. THAT is on Mom & Dad. I would suggest they speak with her therapist openly and honestly regarding how to help her.

I must ask - how long have her parents been split up? How long have you and Dad been together? Were you at all involved in the marriage splitting?

Puberty is a tough time for a lot of kids, and it seems especially so for this young lady. All signs point to a great deal of anger, particularly towards you.

 

[WIResident8943]

At the end of the day, OP, your ONLY option is to get out of the situation

Are you suggesting I leave my S.O. because of his daughter?

how long have her parents been split up?

Approx 3 years, give or take a few months...I'm not sure of the exact date mom was kicked out of the house.

How long have you and Dad been together?

Just under 1.5 years.

Were you at all involved in the marriage splitting?

Nope, I didn't know him at that time. The divorce was final before I met him.

 

[stealth2]

If the situation is intolerable, and your SO is unwilling to do anything further? Then yes, you need to leave the relationship and probably the house. Assuming you really are concerned for the safety of your own child(ren). It is a no-win situation. Especially if you prevail on Dad to do something against his child taht is against his will.

But... your choice.

And with the relative timing? I suspect that the entire divorce dynamic, coupled with her age through it all, is a reason for her acting out. You should all be in therapy. But YOU can do nothing if teh parents do not agree. Except remove yoruself.

 

[eerelations]

Yep, both stealth2 and I are suggesting you leave your SO if he continues to allow this behaviour. By continuing to allow this behaviour your SO is effectively saying to you that he doesn't give a good you-know-what about what happens to you and your unborn child. If that's the kind of guy (SOB) you want to live with then fine, you do what you want. Personally I have 'way more self-respect than that.

 

[Ladyback1]

Are you suggesting I leave my S.O. because of his daughter?


Approx 3 years, give or take a few months...I'm not sure of the exact date mom was kicked out of the house.


Just under 1.5 years.


Nope, I didn't know him at that time. The divorce was final before I met him.

the young lady has issues...and you have the option, the ability, the capability and the RESPONSIBILITY to protect your unborn child!

I would never ask any parent to choose between me and their child(ren)---but, I would not place myself or my unborn child in danger. You owe it to yourself and your child to at least take a huge step back.

 

[Proserpina]

If the situation is intolerable, and your SO is unwilling to do anything further? Then yes, you need to leave the relationship and probably the house. Assuming you really are concerned for the safety of your own child(ren). It is a no-win situation. Especially if you prevail on Dad to do something against his child taht is against his will.

But... your choice.

And with the relative timing? I suspect that the entire divorce dynamic, coupled with her age through it all, is a reason for her acting out. You should all be in therapy. But YOU can do nothing if teh parents do not agree. Except remove yoruself.

Agreed.

I suspect "new baby on the way" might be a factor here, too.

 

[stealth2]

This thread has been with me all day. This young lady is in some pretty terrible pain, and it seems as though the adults in her life are not doing enough to help her. I suspect this is not a situation that has sprung up overnight.

Now, I DO commend OP for being concerned for her other stepkids and her soon-to-be-born little one, but unfortunately she can do nothing. Beyond involving the authorities.

If this were MY child, I would likely look at separating the four children so that one parent had the 13yo and the other had the three younger ones. With, of course, some type of visitation with each parent and between the siblings. I do not think I would want this child around an infant, unsupervised. So certainly not for any overnights. Now, that could well mean, OP, that when Dad has his eldest child (and yes he COULD be the one who has her more than not), the two of you need to be separated.

It's not ideal, but your SO has as much of an obligation to his 13yo (if not a greater one) as he does to your child-to-be.

Best of luck to you.