is this considered abuse?

[prof]

What is the name of your state? Missouri

I'm sure I'll be getting a divorce soon. My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive to my 14 year old son and to me, sometimes even to our 2 year old. He's never physically touched me, but he has kicked my son in the back and knocked the breath out of him. He's also put scratch marks on his neck. Of course, none of this is documented. He scares me pretty bad, but like I said, has not YET hit me and I don't think he's stupid enough to do that now. This morning, however, he was angry with my 14 year old and he went in his room and I heard from my bedroom my son say, "Don't hit me!". I went to the hallway and told him that he can't touch him. He said he'd do whatever he wants. I asked my son what happened and he said he pushed him (pretty hard) on the shoulder. Any thought on this?

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by prof

What is the name of your state? Missouri

I'm sure I'll be getting a divorce soon. My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive to my 14 year old son and to me, sometimes even to our 2 year old. He's never physically touched me, but he has kicked my son in the back and knocked the breath out of him. He's also put scratch marks on his neck. Of course, none of this is documented. He scares me pretty bad, but like I said, has not YET hit me and I don't think he's stupid enough to do that now. This morning, however, he was angry with my 14 year old and he went in his room and I heard from my bedroom my son say, "Don't hit me!". I went to the hallway and told him that he can't touch him. He said he'd do whatever he wants. I asked my son what happened and he said he pushed him (pretty hard) on the shoulder. Any thought on this?

not to down play anything that could be abuse, but how is your son behaving in these instances, 14 yo boys can be pretty wiley? The kicking in the back should have been reported immediately.

[HomeGuru]

Originally Posted by prof

What is the name of your state? Missouri

I'm sure I'll be getting a divorce soon. My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive to my 14 year old son and to me, sometimes even to our 2 year old. He's never physically touched me, but he has kicked my son in the back and knocked the breath out of him. He's also put scratch marks on his neck. Of course, none of this is documented. He scares me pretty bad, but like I said, has not YET hit me and I don't think he's stupid enough to do that now. This morning, however, he was angry with my 14 year old and he went in his room and I heard from my bedroom my son say, "Don't hit me!". I went to the hallway and told him that he can't touch him. He said he'd do whatever he wants. I asked my son what happened and he said he pushed him (pretty hard) on the shoulder. Any thought on this?

**A: this is a no brainer; call the cops.

[prof]

How was the 14 year old behaving? Good question. The answer is that all he did to deserve this was not cleaning up his room. My husband screamed and yelled. My son said nothing except, I'll get it cleaned up.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by prof

How was the 14 year old behaving? Good question. The answer is that all he did to deserve this was not cleaning up his room. My husband screamed and yelled. My son said nothing except, I'll get it cleaned up.

abusive behavior generally escalates, I wouldn't stay with the we"ll probably be getting divorced soon- get your son out of there now.

[justalayman]

The problem with the OP is she seems to think this is somehow acceptable (in a minimal way I'm sure) but as she stated "he has not YET hit me". That thought scares me Make the kids the 1st priority.

If you don't want to get out, then get help. Serious formal help for the whole family.

Dad: anger management
Mom and the kids: some psych. counseling to guide you to deal with of get rid of the problem

[liliggy]

Originally Posted by prof

What is the name of your state? Missouri

I'm sure I'll be getting a divorce soon. My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive to my 14 year old son and to me, sometimes even to our 2 year old. He's never physically touched me, but he has kicked my son in the back and knocked the breath out of him. He's also put scratch marks on his neck. Of course, none of this is documented. He scares me pretty bad, but like I said, has not YET hit me and I don't think he's stupid enough to do that now. This morning, however, he was angry with my 14 year old and he went in his room and I heard from my bedroom my son say, "Don't hit me!". I went to the hallway and told him that he can't touch him. He said he'd do whatever he wants. I asked my son what happened and he said he pushed him (pretty hard) on the shoulder. Any thought on this?

Of course, this is only my opinion, but if your 14 year old is scared of him, then it may be considered mental abuse. It seems to me that you're afraid that he might hit you. That's also mental abuse in my opinion. Abuse doesn't have to be physical. You should find out more from an attorney.

[snostar]

Originally Posted by prof

He's never physically touched me, but he has kicked my son in the back and knocked the breath out of him. He's also put scratch marks on his neck.

Are you out of your mind?! If ANYONE laid a hand on my children their hands would be in cuffs and their a$$ in a jail cell (after they suffered my personal wrath). And, I'd have myself a restraining order!

[panzertanker]

Originally Posted by snostar

Are you out of your mind?! If ANYONE laid a hand on my children their hands would be in cuffs and their a$$ in a jail cell (after they suffered my personal wrath). And, I'd have myself a restraining order!

Agreed. Abuse, by anyone directed to anyone, is NOT tolerable. I see too many people come into the office at the end of a long battered relationship, too emotional damaged to care about themselves. Don't let your husband do that to you or your children. PLUS, it is ILLEGAL. He should be sitting in jail, getting to know "Bubba"...intimately.

[stealth2]

Originally Posted by prof

Of course, none of this is documented.

Why not? Why do you find it accceptable for him to get physical with the boy?

[BelizeBreeze]

How much intelligence does it take to call the police and file domestic abuse charges?

[justalayman]

Well Prof: you got alot of thoughts on it. As you can see pretty much all in agreement at some point.

the question now is; What are you going to do?

BTW if/when you go to court at some time concerning all this, it doesn't help you if you were aware of abuse and did nothing to change things.

[prof]

Yes, thanks a lot for all of the responses. I'm just now reading them because I took the afternoon off yesterday and went to see a lawyer. Enough is enough. Again, thanks to all of you. I have another issue, maybe for another forum, but we've all (including husband) got tickets to go to my parents house for Christmas. We're supposed to leave on Thursday. I know from someone on this site and from my attorney that it is legal for me to leave even though he refuses to go and refuses to let me take the 2 year old. Only problem is that I don't know how I'll actually get us to the airport and on that plane without a fight, and I don't want to put the baby in the middle of it, obviously he does. I was hoping I could call the cops to help me out, my my lawyer says no.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by prof

Yes, thanks a lot for all of the responses. I'm just now reading them because I took the afternoon off yesterday and went to see a lawyer. Enough is enough. Again, thanks to all of you. I have another issue, maybe for another forum, but we've all (including husband) got tickets to go to my parents house for Christmas. We're supposed to leave on Thursday. I know from someone on this site and from my attorney that it is legal for me to leave even though he refuses to go and refuses to let me take the 2 year old. Only problem is that I don't know how I'll actually get us to the airport and on that plane without a fight, and I don't want to put the baby in the middle of it, obviously he does. I was hoping I could call the cops to help me out, my my lawyer says no.

that is a logistical problem that you will have to work out, none of us could tell you how to do it, especially since your lawyer already said the police won't help