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Domestic Abuse

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nicp1552

Junior Member
I have been abused by my husband due to my alcoholism. He has torn my MCL, my arm is currently in a sling due to him dragging me and as of last night, he put a pillow over my face to "wake me up". This morning, of course, "I made him do it." I am a stay at home Mom. I am on the PTCO Board, volunteer at school, do the housework, etc.....He only equates accomplishments with money. And yes, I drink wine. He has taken away all access to money, canceled our YMCA membership (which was my outlet) and now I must answer/ask for any financial needs that come up. I am a prisoner. He tells me that he can't afford to divorce me as he makes a very nice income but threatens me with taking my son away. I quit my full-time job to stay home with him and my life has revolved around him. My husband uses that against me. I start counseling next week. I have asked him to go to anger management counseling but it was not until his Mom knew of the situation that he "may" go. She even tried to make an appointment FOR him. His parents are incredibly controlling and I see it but it seems the other family members do not.


Any suggestions?
 


Antigone*

Senior Member
I have been abused by my husband due to my alcoholism. He has torn my MCL, my arm is currently in a sling due to him dragging me and as of last night, he put a pillow over my face to "wake me up". This morning, of course, "I made him do it." I am a stay at home Mom. I am on the PTCO Board, volunteer at school, do the housework, etc.....He only equates accomplishments with money. And yes, I drink wine. He has taken away all access to money, canceled our YMCA membership (which was my outlet) and now I must answer/ask for any financial needs that come up. I am a prisoner. He tells me that he can't afford to divorce me as he makes a very nice income but threatens me with taking my son away. I quit my full-time job to stay home with him and my life has revolved around him. My husband uses that against me. I start counseling next week. I have asked him to go to anger management counseling but it was not until his Mom knew of the situation that he "may" go. She even tried to make an appointment FOR him. His parents are incredibly controlling and I see it but it seems the other family members do not.


Any suggestions?
How about starting with calling the police when he hurts you. In fact why on earth are you still there???
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
Call the police, contact a domestic violence support agency or organization, take your child and get out!

Depending on the state you are in, you might even be eligible for an almost immediate emergency protective order that will keep him away from you.

However,NONE of this will work until or unless you decide to make this change. The police are not going to be able to come in and make HIM change, you have to help yourself and your child and get out. Think of this as the best interests of the child ... what does he see? He sees how daddy treats women and this is what he will learn. The cycle will continue into another generation if you do not stand up for yourself - and for him.

Likewise, one day your son might be taken away from BOTH of you! From him for beating on you, and you for failing to take action to get out and remove your child from exposure to the dangers of domestic violence.

There are many programs out there, find one, contact them, call the police , and get out!
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
And you may also want to consider AA. You're not doing your child any good with your drinking.
 

xylene

Senior Member
What is your state?

If he is physically injuring you, like with provable injuries from assault, you can have help today pretty much.

---

How much do you drink?

How badly are you addicted? Do you experience withdrawal if you don't drink?

What time of day is your first drink? What time is your last?

Do you have a doctor? If yes, is he aware of your drinking? Have you looked into rehab and detox programs?

Is it really your husband stopping you from working? Be honest. Are you functionally able to work or has drinking made that impossible?

Is your husband actually ENABLING your alcoholism?
 

nicp1552

Junior Member
I drink 3 or 4 times a week, early evening and I usually am in bed around 9 p.m. since I get up with my son at 5 a.m. No, I do not have withdrawals and I was in a rehab program 3 years ago. No, my husband is not stopping me from working, in fact, he is encouraging me to. I am very committed to my volunteering. I did not mention before that I do work part-time but only about 10 hours a week as they do not have the hours available at this time. Before quitting my full-time job to stay home, I worked in a corporate office and made decent money but the flexibility to be available to volunteer and be available for my son (school days off, sick days, activities, etc.) is more important than the money, at least for now. My husband has now refused to pay the credit cards which will affect my credit and I want to keep that intact in the event that we divorce and I need to buy/rent a house.

I have pictures of the bruises that he has given me although I have not reported them. My 18 year old daughter has witnessed and heard the physical, verbal and emotional abuse. He doesn't technically "beat" me. It's more of a grabbing and throwing/pushing. Not that that makes it any better.

What sets him off physically is if I drink so it's almost as if he justifies it because of my actions. I have found that when I am not drinking, he still has to find a way to undermine me. There is always a complaint and I do everything wrong. I met with my counselor recently and that certainly helped me to start to put things into perspective. But I realize that is just the start...
 
You must leave - now! No waiting for anger management classes or counselling because none of that will matter if you are dead. And you can't possibly know when the next time will be the time he loses total control and it's too late....at the *very* least your son deserves better. You left working for him, why not this situation?

I am sorry if you feel I'm being too aggressive, but *I* was an idiot. I stayed with an abuser just short of too long. I finally threw what I could into some hefty bags, grabbed my baby, and left. Smartest thing I've done in my life.

There are women's shelters in every town. Start there if there's nowhere else safe to go..
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I drink 3 or 4 times a week, early evening and I usually am in bed around 9 p.m. since I get up with my son at 5 a.m. No, I do not have withdrawals and I was in a rehab program 3 years ago. No, my husband is not stopping me from working, in fact, he is encouraging me to. I am very committed to my volunteering. I did not mention before that I do work part-time but only about 10 hours a week as they do not have the hours available at this time. Before quitting my full-time job to stay home, I worked in a corporate office and made decent money but the flexibility to be available to volunteer and be available for my son (school days off, sick days, activities, etc.) is more important than the money, at least for now. My husband has now refused to pay the credit cards which will affect my credit and I want to keep that intact in the event that we divorce and I need to buy/rent a house.

I have pictures of the bruises that he has given me although I have not reported them. My 18 year old daughter has witnessed and heard the physical, verbal and emotional abuse. He doesn't technically "beat" me. It's more of a grabbing and throwing/pushing. Not that that makes it any better.

What sets him off physically is if I drink so it's almost as if he justifies it because of my actions. I have found that when I am not drinking, he still has to find a way to undermine me. There is always a complaint and I do everything wrong. I met with my counselor recently and that certainly helped me to start to put things into perspective. But I realize that is just the start...
When you drink, how MUCH do you drink? Are we talking a couple of glasses of wine? A bottle?, Two bottles? I ask, because if you are going to bed at 9:00PM, which is early, that begs the question of just how much you are drinking.
 
Who cares what the correct term is for what he is doing to you. You need to GET OUT AND GET OUT NOW. The next time could land you in the hospital unconscience or worse!

Call the police....NOW. And, go to a woman's shelter that will keep you safe. STAY AWAY FROM HIM
 

nicp1552

Junior Member
Not too early....

When you drink, how MUCH do you drink? Are we talking a couple of glasses of wine? A bottle?, Two bottles? I ask, because if you are going to bed at 9:00PM, which is early, that begs the question of just how much you are drinking.
For one, that is not too early....it gives me 8 hours of sleep. Second, just because I drink (typically about 1 bottle) does not warrant physical abuse from my husband. Specifically when my son is sleeping and my husband just wants to "wake me up" by holding a pillow over my face so he could continue to verbally abuse me. He is using my problem as an excuse for his. I realize my problem but since when did it become acceptable for someone to abuse someone else because they did not "like" what they were doing??
 

Antigone*

Senior Member
For one, that is not too early....it gives me 8 hours of sleep. Second, just because I drink (typically about 1 bottle) does not warrant physical abuse from my husband. Specifically when my son is sleeping and my husband just wants to "wake me up" by holding a pillow over my face so he could continue to verbally abuse me. He is using my problem as an excuse for his. I realize my problem but since when did it become acceptable for someone to abuse someone else because they did not "like" what they were doing??
Hello...so why haven't you taken our advice...why haven't you left:eek:
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
I realize my problem but since when did it become acceptable for someone to abuse someone else because they did not "like" what they were doing??
It is not acceptable. But, until you choose to take some action to protect yourself, it is not going to change.
 

nicp1552

Junior Member
Honestly, because I feel I cannot do anything....I feel completely obligated and dependent, specifically financially.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Honestly, because I feel I cannot do anything....I feel completely obligated and dependent, specifically financially.
GET.
OUT.
OF.
THERE.
NOW.

there is NO more reasoning, explaining, rationalising, NOTHING.

GET. OUT.

Please. Please get out of there. Please???
 

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