Domestic abuse with felony strangulation

[Baileyruff]

So tonight my boyfriend had one of his pissy days ( he's the type of person that once he is mad about something he spirals off and everything makes him mad bills dogs me yard money ect) usually it only lasts a couple hours and he cools off and it's all good. Well it went up a step tonight from just verbal abuse to him putting his arm around my neck trying to drag me out of the house. I called the cops because it scared the living crap out of me. I told the officer i didn't want him to get charged with anything more or less for him to get through to him that this isn't acceptable. Well he took him for minor domestic abuse and felony strangulation. He does not need nor do I want him to get a felony. He is a good man and person just has anger issues that he needs to work on. He needs therapy to help that. We have a house together and I don't want either of us to have to leave. What are the possibilities that I can persuade the judge to drop the charges against him and just require anger management classes. This is his first offense and nothing prior at all in the system.

 

[CdwJava]

So tonight my boyfriend had one of his pissy days ( he's the type of person that once he is mad about something he spirals off and everything makes him mad bills dogs me yard money ect) usually it only lasts a couple hours and he cools off and it's all good. Well it went up a step tonight from just verbal abuse to him putting his arm around my neck trying to drag me out of the house. I called the cops because it scared the living crap out of me. I told the officer i didn't want him to get charged with anything more or less for him to get through to him that this isn't acceptable. Well he took him for minor domestic abuse and felony strangulation. He does not need nor do I want him to get a felony. He is a good man and person just has anger issues that he needs to work on. He needs therapy to help that. We have a house together and I don't want either of us to have to leave. What are the possibilities that I can persuade the judge to drop the charges against him and just require anger management classes. This is his first offense and nothing prior at all in the system.

First off, what state is this in?

Second, THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!! You could be killed! These are VERY SERIOUS offenses!

I'd say the chance of the prosecutor dropping the case is about nil, and there is no reason on Earth that a judge will drop the charges just because you feel sorry for him! A JUDGE does not dismiss charges without good cause, and you're not wanting to see him get in trouble is NOT legally sufficient.

I recommend that you seek therapy and get the assistance of a domestic violence counselor or organization first thing in the morning. You are deluding yourself if you think that this is anywhere approaching normal and that you are perfectly safe! I pray that you do not have any children together, because of you do, they will grow up to think that this is a normal relationship.

Please, seek some assistance for yourself at sunrise!

 

[stealth2]

So tonight my boyfriend had one of his pissy days ( he's the type of person that once he is mad about something he spirals off and everything makes him mad bills dogs me yard money ect) usually it only lasts a couple hours and he cools off and it's all good. Well it went up a step tonight from just verbal abuse to him putting his arm around my neck trying to drag me out of the house. I called the cops because it scared the living crap out of me. I told the officer i didn't want him to get charged with anything more or less for him to get through to him that this isn't acceptable. Well he took him for minor domestic abuse and felony strangulation. He does not need nor do I want him to get a felony. He is a good man and person just has anger issues that he needs to work on. He needs therapy to help that. We have a house together and I don't want either of us to have to leave. What are the possibilities that I can persuade the judge to drop the charges against him and just require anger management classes. This is his first offense and nothing prior at all in the system.

And this loser is still your boyfriend, because..... why?

"Dropping" the charges (which is not up to you) will teach him one thing, and one thing only - that getting physically violent really IS okay. Perhaps winding up with a record will teach him the lesson he needs. Kick him to the curb and find a man. Not this little piss-ant. Get therapy for yourself to learn why being abused is attractive to you. And do not do ANY thing that gets you pregnant by him.

 

[FlyingRon]

As CDW points out, it is NOT the victim who determines if prosecution proceeds. This isn't a VICTIM vs. DEFENDANT action, criminal charges are brought by the state. Prosecutors are specifically disinclined to accept recantations of DV victims especially where felony level crimes have occurred.

 

[STEPHAN]

He did it once, he will do it again. Next time you might be dead.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Been there. It's not going to stop. At least, not while you are together. I am glad the responding officers have taken you situation seriously.

(The alternative would be the police showing up, taking statements where both parties agree the hands violently around the neck happened, skeptical about pressing charges, and tell you that you can go into court at 10 to file a TRO, and release the dude on his own recog. at 9:15... )

The only thing that will stop this is terminating the relationship.

Houses can be sold. Your life, however, cannot be replaced. You are not destroying your family or the relationship - his behavior is.

 

[Baileyruff]

Answers

State is Minnesota. To clarify he didn't have his hands .around my neck, it was more like a headlock type deal but his arms around my neck.

 

[Zigner]

State is Minnesota. To clarify he didn't have his hands .around my neck, it was more like a headlock type deal but his arms around my neck.

And this makes it better...how?

 

[torimac]

State is Minnesota. To clarify he didn't have his hands .around my neck, it was more like a headlock type deal but his arms around my neck.

That somehow makes it ok? The fights have escalated to violence. Get out now before you become a statistic.

 

[not2cleverRed]

State is Minnesota. To clarify he didn't have his hands .around my neck, it was more like a headlock type deal but his arms around my neck.

Yeah, I know that. I was using a real life example of how an incompetent police department where I am has handled things.

My *point* is, the police DID THEIR JOB in your case.

The reason that the STATE is important is because in some states the police are required to arrest someone when responding to a domestic dispute, period. Iowa, for example. The fact is, based on your appearance and you and your "boyfriend's" demeanor, they believe you have been abused. The police don't have a magic wand to wave and fix this, so that your "boyfriend" would be a decent human being. They can arrest him. That's pretty much it.

That YOU do not think you have been sufficiently manhandled would indicate that you need a more supportive environment. Don't get caught up with your cool dramatic relationship. Because really... it's not. It's rather pitiful, and your life right now is rather pitiful. It's sad that you don't want to change it, but the police did the right thing. Our collective LEGAL advice is, and has been, stop looking at how to defend him... and take care of yourself.

 

[single317dad]

As to your boyfriend's legal defense, that is no longer in your hands. He should get an attorney and learn to obey the law.

The legal advice for you, OP, is to cooperate with the prosecution's case, because they can compel you to do so if need be. In case you're wondering, "compel" is a nice way of saying "tell the truth, take the stand if required, or you could end up in jail as well".

I offer no personal advice, as that's been offered and repeated, and no amount of yakking on my part can overcome ingrained stupidity.

 

[proud_parent]

The reason that the STATE is important is because in some states the police are required to arrest someone when responding to a domestic dispute, period. Iowa, for example.

Not relevant to the OP... but based on my personal experience, an arrest is not mandatory for all domestic disputes in the state of Iowa.

 

[CdwJava]

Section 236.12 does not MANDATE an arrest for every DV in Iowa. What an officer in Iowa IS required to do in a DV is "use all reasonable means to prevent further abuse" and this can include standing by at the scene until one party leaves, or making an arrest. However, an officer SHALL arrest a person in a DV if there is visible injury or a weapon was used, and the party is the primary aggressor. There are a few exceptions and other references in the section as well.

https://www.legis.iowa.gov/docs/code/2015/236.pdf