Domestic Assault (Nebraska)

[semery622]

My girlfriend and I were in an argument that got a little heated and she ended up hitting me. I was shocked and very angry so I called the police and they came and cited her for domestic assault (even though I urged them not to). In no way does she deserve to be charged for this. I was not injured or hurt and the hit did not leave any kind of mark on my body. It was a huge mistake in judgment on my part to call the police but it did happen and now I have to deal with this. WHAT CAN I DO? I cannot let her be charged with this crime and potentially end up in jail or heavily fined. PLEASE HELP

 

[mistoffolees]

It's largely out of your hands. She is being charged with a criminal offense - so it's up to the DA.

You could talk to the DA and he might choose not to press charges since it's difficult with an unwilling witness, but that's about it. If he chooses to go ahead, she's in for a trial.

I would suggest, however, that dropping the charges might not be in her best interest for the long run. If she has a temper that causes her to hit someone simply because of a disagreement, she needs help. Abuse is abuse regardless of whether it's the man or the woman throwing punches.

If I were in your position, I would encourage her to get an attorney. I obviously can't guarantee it, but she might well be able to plead to a lesser charge if she agrees to attend an anger management program.

 

[liandrajade]

Well, its wrong for EITHER partner to put their hands on the other. Male, Female it doesn't matter. There is no reason to resort to physical violence.....period.....

Your girlfriend hit you during an argument, arguments in a relationship is normal, HITTING your partner is NOT and never will be normal, it is NOT acceptable and is a complete lack of respect shown to you.

I suggest you make this an ex girlfriend and find someone who can express herself without swinging on you.

We tell women who get hit all the time, to NEVER back down and to continue with their abuse case/charges. The likelihood or probability of someone hitting you again is extremely high and if you drop it now and it happens again later, you basically told the courts and police you are OK with being hit and abused.

You back down now and then in the future she does it again, she will think you will always feel bad for her and NOT make her suffer the consequences of her actions.

 

[semery622]

Who would I need to contact at the DA's office? And what would you suggest I tell them? I've been losing sleep over this because it is such a minor, minor incident which potentially carries a very serious punishment. It is something we could've worked out between the two of us and I messed up by bringing the police into it. Trust me when I say, she does not deserve it.

 

[Banned_Princess]

Do NOTHING and get her a lawyer.

get that?

 

[semery622]

I agree with you completely about the hitting, which is why we most likely will not continue our relationship. But I still do not want her to have to go through this when it is undeserved. It wouldn't just be a fine for her, it would be a stain on her record which would prevent her from getting a teaching job that she has spent 6 years in college trying to achieve. This is something that could ruin her whole life. That's why I am so adament about this. That and the fact that I have no marks/bruises or pain from the actual incident.

 

[CdwJava]

Who would I need to contact at the DA's office? And what would you suggest I tell them? I've been losing sleep over this because it is such a minor, minor incident which potentially carries a very serious punishment. It is something we could've worked out between the two of us and I messed up by bringing the police into it. Trust me when I say, she does not deserve it.

You did not "mess up" by bringing the police into it, SHE "messed up" by resorting to violence.

This attitude is typical of domestic violence victims.

If this was an isolated incident, fine ... but, if not, then one or both of you have a problem and need help.

The only thing you can do at this point is talk to the DA and let him or her know of your feelings on the matter. The DA may choose to drop the matter, or they may not. Chances are a deal might be made that will keep her out of toom much trouble if she attends anger management and jumps through some other hoops. The specifics will depend upon the actual statute under which she has been charged.

Note that visible injuries are NOT required for a crime to have occurred.

 

[stealth2]

I sympathize with the person who was in legitimate need of the police, and whose response was delayed for this pair.

 

[semery622]

I also sympathize with the person who was in actual need of the police, which is why I am admitting that I messed up. At this point I would just like to know if it would be better to contact the DA and express my opinion or to leave it alone and just get a lawyer, or both (talk to the DA AND get a lawyer)?

 

[Banned_Princess]

I also sympathize with the person who was in actual need of the police, which is why I am admitting that I messed up. At this point I would just like to know if it would be better to contact the DA and express my opinion or to leave it alone and just get a lawyer, or both (talk to the DA AND get a lawyer)?

Both.

At the court, on the court date, after arraignment, speak to the DA.

If you are unsuccessful in requesting the DA drop the case, get a lawyer (or legal aid) immediately for the next court date. and then leave it all alone, theres nothing else you can do.

 

[semery622]

Both.

At the court, on the court date, after arraignment, speak to the DA.

If you are unsuccessful in requesting the DA drop the case, get a lawyer (or legal aid) immediately for the next court date. and then leave it all alone, theres nothing else you can do.

Are you suggesting that I wait until the court date to talk to the DA? Or would it be better to talk to them in advance, because I have the phone number ready to dial. Also, does anyone know the actual odds of getting this dropped? The fact that the victim WANTS to drop the charges should play some miniscule role in the outcome of the case shouldnt it?

 

[mistoffolees]

Are you suggesting that I wait until the court date to talk to the DA? Or would it be better to talk to them in advance, because I have the phone number ready to dial. Also, does anyone know the actual odds of getting this dropped? The fact that the victim WANTS to drop the charges should play some miniscule role in the outcome of the case shouldnt it?

Call the DA immediately. If you wait until the court date, they're not likely to drop it.

I think some of the advice was misleading. There was a suggestion that YOU should get a lawyer. That is not the case. Your ex-gf is the one who needs an attorney. You're not charged with anything so your attorney would have absolutely nothing to do.

 

[semery622]

OK, I have decided to call the DA's office and go from there. Does anybody know who I need to ask for and some key points of what to say to get this thing dropped?

 

[Banned_Princess]

Well thats just a difference in opinion.

The case is going to make it to court nomatter when you speak to the DA.

It just makes sense to catch the DA when he has the file in hand and is deciding what to do with it. rather then putting in 100 calls, and worrying about getting no answer, possibly getting nothing until the court date anyway...

GF gets lawyer, you as a victim get no lawyer. My mistake, it did read like I meant OP get a lawyer.

 

[stealth2]

Call the DA, explain what it's about, and go from there. They'll give you someone to talk to.

The fact that the victim WANTS to drop the charges should play some miniscule role in the outcome of the case shouldnt it?

Not necessarily. A LOT of victims recant. And then, at some point in time, quite a few of them end up seriously injured or dead. The legal system kind of expects the victim to recant. Which is why it's stupid to call the cops unless it really is a violent situation.