Domestic violence and my options

[sara100]

I live in new york.

I have been living with my husband for 11 years. we have 2 kids and living a decent life . even though everything seems good from outside , my husband get abusive to me . I am very concerned about his abusive behavior, though he doesn't hurt me , but he hurts himself , he broke things , he tried to cut himself with sharp object , he will throw the food, hit the door, he threatened me to take kids away and sink in the water. I know he was very angry when he said this..he loves me and kids alot but at the same time , it's not first time he did this. I am seeing his behavior from 1st year of my marriage. he blames his behavior is because of me.

I know I can call the police and file charges for domestic violence and he will end up getting in jail for some months and his background check will show Domestic violence in his record. he works very hard and I don't want to destroy his career . it will destory all his life. he loves me and my kids more then what he does from himself. I am not dependent on him and I can take care of me and my kids very well but at the same time I have no problem him keep contact with my kids if its safe.

I am looking for some options which is like win-win situation. he doesn't accept his abusive behavior , if there is any way I can realize him , this is unacceptable behavior and he needs to improve and also any goverment agency which can give some advise to him without having any adverse effect on his career .

Thanks,
Sara100

 

[Just Blue]

I live in new york.

I have been living with my husband for 11 years. we have 2 kids and living a decent life . even though everything seems good from outside , my husband get abusive to me . I am very concerned about his abusive behavior, though he doesn't hurt me , but he hurts himself , he broke things , he tried to cut himself with sharp object , he will throw the food, hit the door, he threatened me to take kids away and sink in the water. I know he was very angry when he said this..he loves me and kids alot but at the same time , it's not first time he did this. I am seeing his behavior from 1st year of my marriage. he blames his behavior is because of me.

I know I can call the police and file charges for domestic violence and he will end up getting in jail for some months and his background check will show Domestic violence in his record. he works very hard and I don't want to destroy his career . it will destory all his life. he loves me and my kids more then what he does from himself. I am not dependent on him and I can take care of me and my kids very well but at the same time I have no problem him keep contact with my kids if its safe.

I am looking for some options which is like win-win situation. he doesn't accept his abusive behavior , if there is any way I can realize him , this is unacceptable behavior and he needs to improve and also any goverment agency which can give some advise to him without having any adverse effect on his career .

Thanks,
Sara100

How do you think this is impacting the children?

 

[Antigone*]

I live in new york.

I have been living with my husband for 11 years. we have 2 kids and living a decent life . even though everything seems good from outside , my husband get abusive to me . I am very concerned about his abusive behavior, though he doesn't hurt me , but he hurts himself , he broke things , he tried to cut himself with sharp object , he will throw the food, hit the door, he threatened me to take kids away and sink in the water. I know he was very angry when he said this..he loves me and kids alot but at the same time , it's not first time he did this. I am seeing his behavior from 1st year of my marriage. he blames his behavior is because of me.

I know I can call the police and file charges for domestic violence and he will end up getting in jail for some months and his background check will show Domestic violence in his record. he works very hard and I don't want to destroy his career . it will destory all his life. he loves me and my kids more then what he does from himself. I am not dependent on him and I can take care of me and my kids very well but at the same time I have no problem him keep contact with my kids if its safe.

I am looking for some options which is like win-win situation. he doesn't accept his abusive behavior , if there is any way I can realize him , this is unacceptable behavior and he needs to improve and also any goverment agency which can give some advise to him without having any adverse effect on his career .

Thanks,
Sara100

You are going to have to decide what is more important to you and make decisions based on that. There is no win-win when a spouse is being abusive to themselves or to others.

Until you decide to report his abusive behaviour, there is nothing else to do except get out.