Domestic Violence - Not sure what to do.

[looking4help101]

Hi. I am new here. Sorry for making this my first post.

I am involved(a victim) of what could be described as domestic violence. However, it's not from a husband or boyfriend but from a member of my immediate family(my mother.) I am an adult and I don't know what to do or where to turn. Do I go to a lawyer?

I read the definition of domestic violence on a lawyer's website and what I read describes what I am living just about every day.

I currently live in my mother's house with her and my life is miserable but she tells me I can't do any better. She's told me no one will want me. She's told me that if I leave, she will have me committed to a mental hospital. She says all of my extended family will never help me and they don't want me.

Growing up, in school, I did have a learning disability in school. I've recently seen counselors and they have found nothing wrong with me but my mother trys to force me to get on Social Security. She threatens to have me commited to the mental hospital if I don't get on social security. She tells me that I'll be commited and I'll never get out.

She has me living in fear constantly by things that she does and says.

I have the funds to get out but the fear keeps me here. I'm not rich but I've saved up enough for an apartment or something.

She has tried confining me in the house, she has people that help her. I've said I will call the police and she takes my phone. She's only physically attacked me once and then afterwards, she apologized and acted like everything was alright. She picks fights and then acts like she is possessed and crazy.

I don't have anybody that will help me because of her but I need out, I need a change.

Where do I turn? What do I do? Who do I go to to get out of this hell that has become my life.

 

[Silverplum]

Start here, please: http://www.thehotline.org/help/

From that site:
"Our highly trained expert advocates are available 24/7 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.

The hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Resources and help can be found at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or for Deaf callers on video phone 1-855-812-1001 (Monday to Friday, 9 AM—5PM PST) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

If it’s not safe for you to call, or if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, another option for getting direct help is our chat services here on the site. You’ll receive the same one-on-one, real-time, confidential information from a trained advocate as you would on the phone. You can chat here on our website everyday, 7AM—2AM CST."

Good luck and God bless you. If you need to ask more questions, there's usually someone around here.

 

[looking4help101]

thank you

Thank you. I'm not sure what to do.

 

[looking4help101]

more

I've always been afraid, like, I don't want my family to get in trouble. But, I've come to realize that they don't care about me, my well being or what happens to me. They don't care and I'm living in an extremely toxic environment.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you. I'm not sure what to do.

You're very welcome.

I'd call the number and/or visit the site. They're equipped to help you with your problems, whereas I don't know anything. Some other posters here do, however, and probably will post.

I wish you all the best and hope you contact the hotline for help.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you. I'm not sure what to do.

SilverPlum gave you incredibly valuable info - but here's one more.

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/whatisdv.shtml

Domestic violence doesn't have to be between spouses or partners - it can happen with siblings and parents, too.

 

[Silverplum]

SilverPlum gave you incredibly valuable info - but here's one more.

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/whatisdv.shtml

Domestic violence doesn't have to be between spouses or partners - it can happen with siblings and parents, too.

Thank you -- I was looking around and trying to remember the site name. I knew it was an animal name. I was stuck on "armadillo," and knew I was wrong!

 

[looking4help101]

thank you

The domestic violence hotline people said that they can't help me.

 

[Ladyback1]

SilverPlum gave you incredibly valuable info - but here's one more.

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/whatisdv.shtml

Domestic violence doesn't have to be between spouses or partners - it can happen with siblings and parents, too.

That's why my state (Montana) calls them domestic assaults or partner/family member assault (PFMA).

I have to assume the OP has employment (got to have some sort of income in order to "save" enough to move out).
OP, do you have some sort of EAP (employee assistance program) through your employer? That is usually a toll free number you can call and seek assistance for a variety of things.

Contact Adult Protective Services if your state/county/city has APS. They usually have a toll free number that you can call. They may be able to provide information, guidance and/or support.

 

[stmfitr636]

I have the funds to get out but the fear keeps me here. I'm not rich but I've saved up enough for an apartment or something.

Pack a bag and go.

 

[Proserpina]

Pack a bag and go.

Goodness gracious me I don't think any of us came up with that genius suggestion!

 

[commentator]

I'm not so sure here. OP, do you have a job? How long since you finished school? How much of "an adult" are you, as in how old are you, really? Do you have your own transportation, and insurance? This is sounding and feeling to me like someone who may have just aged out of the school system. Mother encouraging someone to "get on disability" does not sound to me like someone talking to a family member who's employed. Don't know how much you've saved, or how you have managed to raise the funds, but most mothers who are encouraging you to get on disability wouldn't be saying that to someone who was working, at least some. Who else is in your household? Who are these people who are helping her keep you confined to the house?
Who is paying for your cell phone that she is taking away from you?

If you aren't of the greatest self confidence, or haven't had the best sort of functional family to grow up in, moving out all alone, without any resources or friends is a truly scary and probably unfeasible prospect. The devil you know (abusive family) is not always as scary as the devil you don't know (being alone, having to manage everything by yourself.) Do you have older friends, church people, former teachers, anyone else you can talk to about your plans for your life, your living situation, etc.?

If you aren't willing to strike out and leave everything and come to a DV shelter, then you are not able to take the kind of help they offer. That's probably why the DV hotline said they couldn't help you. Most people will become very very frustrated before they reach this point. You've always held back because you didn't want to get your mother in trouble with the authorities, or didn't really know exactly what to do. But you are very wise to try to take action soon. Living with her on disability, a prisoner in the home, your actions controlled by her, is no kind of life. You sound to me as if there may definitely be some depression issues here, part in truth due to your living situation. But they'll help keep you imprisoned unless you can find someone to work with, talk to, get counsel from. You said you have recently seen some counselors. Can you talk to them again, tell them about your home situation, discuss alternatives? Best wishes, I hope you find this person who can give you guidance quite soon.

 

[Proserpina]

This is why I added Aardvaarc (probably too many vowels there ... ) after SP's very useful information. There are resources available to help you make an exit plan. Sometimes all you need is for someone to listen, or to feel validated - sometimes you need more than that.

Obviously the abused party doesn't want to (consciously at least) stay there. They want an "out". It's just too easy to give such a glib little response which actually borders on cruelty. Gee, if they could pack a bag and just leave that'd be problem solved, right? No. Not right. Not even close.

Chronic non-partner abuse is one type that just doesn't get as much media attention unfortunately and yet it can be silent and much more insidious and it can, quite literally, begin so early in childhood that the victim sometimes doesn't recognize it for what it is.

Sorry. I'm really trying to ignore that soap-box over there.

 

[Ladyback1]

This is why I added Aardvaarc (probably too many vowels there ... ) after SP's very useful information. There are resources available to help you make an exit plan. Sometimes all you need is for someone to listen, or to feel validated - sometimes you need more than that.

Obviously the abused party doesn't want to (consciously at least) stay there. They want an "out". It's just too easy to give such a glib little response which actually borders on cruelty. Gee, if they could pack a bag and just leave that'd be problem solved, right? No. Not right. Not even close.

Chronic non-partner abuse is one type that just doesn't get as much media attention unfortunately and yet it can be silent and much more insidious and it can, quite literally, begin so early in childhood that the victim sometimes doesn't recognize it for what it is.

Sorry. I'm really trying to ignore that soap-box over there.

Preach it....I'll give you an amen and a hallelujah.
(and yeah, it would be nice if it were just as simple as walking away...)

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you -- I was looking around and trying to remember the site name. I knew it was an animal name. I was stuck on "armadillo," and knew I was wrong!

My "like" function isn't working too well. But your post needs a "like".

Flamin' browser settings.