Don't know what to do

[Septtt]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?California
California
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
I have been in an off & on relationship with a guy for about 5 years.
I meet him at a vonueralble time going threw a seperation with an abusive husband.
This man and I have had horrible fights since almost the beginning 5 years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel and I can be nasty as well and Im sure it could be said that I have been emotionally abusive at times, but I swear I have never done or said anything unless he first attacked me.

He is very carefull when he attacks me that no one is around so there can be no witnessess.

The first one was violent and I fought back ending up with a blk eye and threats of him chopping me up and stuffing me in a closet.

Since then there have been many more including him attacking me chooking me to unconsicious in my kitchen. He was arrested but I didn't press chrages infact at the time I wrote the DA a long letter to help get him off.

He is very very verbaly abusive, tells me constantely your
"nothing but a ****" and much worse.

He has convinced other women in order to sleep with them that Im crazy, had them call me on the phone, call me names, threntnd me telling them that I'm stocking him. I realize now he did this at the time because he had to explain me away in order to sleep with them right then.

I admitt during fights I have texted a bizelion times but only because you can fit one sentence at a time in a text, and he gives me the silient treatment, ignores me and will not talk to resolve things.
So I felt like the only way I could say what I wanted was to text.

I also admitt that after he had been with me one night the very next day he had another women answer the door and tell me he wasn't there when he was. We had even made arragments to meet but I guess he had found someone he wanted to sleep with so he had her answer the door and humiliate me, he did this often.

He would do this often with other women tell them Im nuts, flaunt them infront of me right after being with me for days or weeks at a time.
Then he would get them to do nasty things towards me for him.

Finally after that incodent which was one of many I couldn't take it anymore I got hurt and angry and drove by his house and I threw paint on the door of his old beatup pickup truck.
It was waterbased paint and washed right off and I knew it wouldn't do permante damage, I was just so hurt I had to do something, I didn't think.

The very next morning I went to the police and turned myself in for doing it I felt badly for my behaivor. They told me I haden't caused permante damage it washed right off so it wouldn't be considerd vandalizim.

Later that day while I was working in front of a house he suddenly appeared in his truck jumped out ran at me, grabed a chair leg from a pile of wood next to me where I was working and put it on my throat, telling me "You ****ing ****, Im Going to kill You" "Stay away from my house and my truck or i'll ****ing kill you bitch" he chooked me until I fell to the ground unconsiuos, then jumped in his truck and left.

A friend came out of the house and found me in the driveway on the ground unconsiuos. The police took a report contacted him he denied it and said I was nuts and there were no witnesses it happend in a matter of seconds.
A decetive tried to persue it but the DA didn't prosecute without witnesses.

This and much worse has gone on and on for years, infact Im almos afraid to say it hear but he has done some sexual things that are so bad Im afraid to tell, where he is so abusive and I for some reason keep taking it.

He has never once apoligized or said he was sorry, he has never so much as given me a birthday or christmas card in 5 years, he has spent all my money and taken from me anything he can. He has never spent his money and I am a single mom on welfare now after loosing everything, my home, my job, my marraige, he has a big house and a large settlement from an injury case.

Right now Im one the verge of being homeless and he had the nerve to ask me if he could keep my stereo and couch, but never onced offered me a place to sleep for the night.
This after I had taken him into my home when he had no where to go when we first meet. Not even an offer of help.

He doesn't try to isolate me, but he does humiliate me, belittle, insult to others tell them Im crazy, convice them he's not seeing me when he is, he denies any relationship yet see's me constantly.

Since then I have once again forgivin him over and over for constant belittlement, pushing, shoving, grabbing,name calling, inviting me over then throwing me out the front door and screaming in front of neighbors things like "Get the **** out of here you dumb ****",
"I told you you're nothin but a ****".

I have forgivin over and over.

He has punched me so hard blood came out my ears, I lied on the floor, he threw cold water on me, kicked me screaming the entire time, then I played dead so he got a fan aimed it at me turned it on high while I layed there frezzing, while he screamed at me the worst names you've ever heard.
Police came, Once again I didn't do a thing about it.

What is wrong with me?
Why can't I walk away from this abuse?
He has verbaly and physically beat me down beyond belief,
Whats wrong with me?

Will he be able to make me look like a nut?
There have been times when I fought back or picked the fight?
Is he right?
I must be nuts becuase who else in there right mind would tolerate this.
He is not forcing me to see him I keep going back for more punishment.
I feel like I must be wrong because even after all of this abuse, abuse where I actually think he might kill me by accident I still think I love him.

I want to take him to small claims court now for recent damage to my car and I want to get a restraning order, but will the judge laugh at me and say you had your chances and you kept going back?

Will he use the times I texted him or called to much, or drove by as his defense that Im a stocker and use it as a weapon against me?

I never physically hurt him ever.
I want him to pay for attacking me again with a pan and my golf clubs then smashing in my car hood and light. But once again no witness.

Im afraid he will convince the judge it's my fault and that I am sick, and now when I think about it I must be. Is he right no one will believe me, there are no witnesses and he has convinced people and talked behind my back that Im crazy, even convinced strange women to the point the've called me.

What should I do?
I fear retaliation if I attempt to bring the truth out or attempt to collect in court any damages. I fear he may hunt me down again when no one is looking and attack me again. That is why I seek a restraning order but am afraid a judge wont grant it because of my part in all of this sickness.

Scared & Confussed, please help.

[cyjeff]

Okay... I know you wanted someone to talk to... but we aren't that person.

In 30 words or less, what is your legal question?

[Hisbabygirl77]

The only way to say for sure if the judge will grant you the RO is to try. The worst that can happen is the judge can deny it. If the judge does grant the temporary RO the ex bf will be served and he will have a chance to dispute the RO. The judge may or may not allow the evidence your ex has. We can't tell you what the judge will do. If you do get the RO though DO NOT contact your ex. While its not illegal for you to do so it can make it so he can get the RO dropped and if you end up looking like the lil boy who called wolf.

[Septtt]

Sir, I apoligize for my horrible spelling, I never was any good at it, again my apoligizes.

And, I guess I really don't know what my question is.

Im confussed to say the least.

Im sorry to have taken your valuable time and wasted it on reading my long confussed post.

I will try to narrow my request to one question should I ask anything again.

I really did think this was an advice forum and not a single question and answer only forum.

It won't happen again.

[Blue Meanie]

Originally Posted by Septtt

Sir, I apoligize for my horrible spelling, I never was any good at it, again my apoligizes.

And, I guess I really don't know what my question is.

Im confussed to say the least.

Im sorry to have taken your valuable time and wasted it on reading my long confussed post.

I will try to narrow my request to one question should I ask anything again.

I really did think this was an advice forum and not a single question and answer only forum.

It won't happen again.

It is an advice forum...But I think what Jeff was saying is your issues would be better served by talking to a domestic violence counselor. Please consider the effect this destructive relationship is having on your child/ren and seek help. If you are not strong enough to stay away from this man then please love your child/ren enough to give custody to their father.

There is help for you ...Call the local police and ask to speak to the DV Officer...s/he will direct you to the best resources available in your area.

Good luck and God Bless...

[cyjeff]

Thanks Blue... but what I was saying is that we are a legal forum.

Present us with the legal question and we will provide you, if possible, with the appropriate answer.

If you get the dreaded 10,000 character warning... you are giving us way to much information.

If you are battered... call the police.
If you are scared... call the police.
Don't worry... don't search the internet... just leave.