Double Standard?

[osmosis]

What is the name of your state? FL

Me again..

Background: My ex-wife has an injunction against me (Injunction for Protection Against Domestic Violence) which is valid until further order of the court. It states that I may not have any contact with her whatsoever, and provides a third party to make visitation arrangements through.

Yesterday I received a voice mail from my ex..

Technically is she in contempt for contacting me?

 

[Some Random Guy]

No, the injunction is against you and not her.

Do not reply to her voice mail. Respond to the third party.

 

[osmosis]

Thanks. I know better than to contact her.

So why is it that there is the double standard? IMO it would make more sense if she had the same rules to follow in order to "preserve her safety"..

The system sucks.

 

[Some Random Guy]

If you want an injunction against her, then follow the same procedures she followed to get an injunction against you. That's just the way it works. The courts will not add additional restrictions when nobody has requested them.

 

[Ohiogal]

If she keeps contacting you though (and it is not about the children you two have together) then you have a right to request that the injunction be lifted because apparently she doesn't fear for her life any longer.

 

[osmosis]

If you want an injunction against her, then follow the same procedures she followed to get an injunction against you. That's just the way it works. The courts will not add additional restrictions when nobody has requested them.

There is no way to get a DVI against her without her threatening to commit or having committed violence against me. I have to feel as though I am in imminent danger..

Ohiogal,
That's what I thought. I'm not looking to be petty, and I'm certainly not going to bring her to court over this one little message (which was surprisingly upbeat and complimentary??)

The funny thing is that exactly one week ago today she was randomly yelling "I'm not giving up my injunction!" and now she's calling & leaving a message that doesn't involve visitation or an emergency..

Further proof she's a nut job. I just wanted to know if I could get the injunction lifted if the contact became habitual.

 

[Just Blue]

There is no way to get a DVI against her without her threatening to commit or having committed violence against me. I have to feel as though I am in imminent danger..

Ohiogal,
That's what I thought. I'm not looking to be petty, and I'm certainly not going to bring her to court over this one little message (which was surprisingly upbeat and complimentary??)

The funny thing is that exactly one week ago today she was randomly yelling "I'm not giving up my injunction!" and now she's calling & leaving a message that doesn't involve visitation or an emergency..

Further proof she's a nut job. I just wanted to know if I could get the injunction lifted if the contact became habitual.

SAve the VM...And any others she leaves...As OG said you can get the RO lifted if she keeps calling...And she is such an idiot she will call again...

 

[osmosis]

SAve the VM...And any others she leaves...As OG said you can get the RO lifted if she keeps calling...And she is such an idiot she will call again...

I gotta admit it, Bay.. I like the way you think!

I've saved it for just that reason.

 

[Just Blue]

I gotta admit it, Bay.. I like the way you think!

I've saved it for just that reason.

It really is mind boggling that the courts haven't slapped her off side the head for her antics..." I thought he was going to strangle me with the dining-room table"....Good Lord! I might understand having the RO for a week or two...But THIS long?? Utter stupidity!
I had t have a RO for several years against my ex....He liked to break things...my nose...my toes...ect...So I really get pissed that people abuse the system just to be a bitch ...Sorry if I get heated...But this is a "pet peeve"...

Just keep saving...she is an idiot and feels omnipotent...it'll bite her in the ass sooner or later!!

 

[Jewly]

Double Standard

This is for bay. I am so sorry to hear about your ex's abuse towards you. My Mom was in a very abusive relationship with my Dad. Almost killed her many times. She finally got out after 35 years, but was messed up emotionally until the day she dyed. I hope things didnt get that bad for you. I pray that they didnt and that you came away from it in one piece so to speak.

 

[Just Blue]

This is for bay. I am so sorry to hear about your ex's abuse towards you. My Mom was in a very abusive relationship with my Dad. Almost killed her many times. She finally got out after 35 years, but was messed up emotionally until the day she dyed. I hope things didnt get that bad for you. I pray that they didnt and that you came away from it in one piece so to speak.

No...Things didn't get that bad for me...not quite...I am doing much better and really appreciate your very kind thoughts ... I have two AWESOME kids that I adore and have been a huge source of strength for me....I am blessed!!!

PTSD...which your Mom probably had....is very difficult to overcome, although with good counseling and an understanding of why you feel the way you do things do get better! And I am sorry about your Mom...Even with DV counseling sometimes the experience is so horrorific that it can't be dealt with...But at least she was able to get away from her abuser and find some kind of piece...Just being able to come home to a quiet home without some jerk giving you a hard time is bliss! Predictability is underrated!! Not having to walk on egg-shell and try and please a man that will NEVER be pleased is great!!!

Once again...thank you for your very thoughtful post...

Bay

 

[osmosis]

Bay, it's for situations like yours that these POs are intended. I just can't get over how easy it is to get one.. especially in situations like mine where everything was blown out of proportion and no violence was committed.

I think back on it now and remember her telling me long ago that I wasn't aggressive enough with her. She grew up in a home where her dad was quick to pop her mom if she got out of line, and then married me. I've never been violent towards her, and I'm beginning to think that maybe that's what she wanted from me. I'm glad I got a divorce when I did.

 

[Just Blue]

Bay, it's for situations like yours that these POs are intended. I just can't get over how easy it is to get one.. especially in situations like mine where everything was blown out of proportion and no violence was committed.

I think back on it now and remember her telling me long ago that I wasn't aggressive enough with her. She grew up in a home where her dad was quick to pop her mom if she got out of line, and then married me. I've never been violent towards her, and I'm beginning to think that maybe that's what she wanted from me. I'm glad I got a divorce when I did.

Unfortunately you are probably correct in your assessment...to her LOVE=SLAP...

 

[osmosis]

I'm just not that kind of guy!

If I had known she was as psycho as she is (and I seriously think she is bi-polar but have no medical evidence to back it up) I would not have married her to begin with.

Such is life. She's setting herself up for failure again in different areas right now. I'm laying low and keeping tabs so that if she hurts the children in any way, I will be there to swoop them up.

My wife sent her a letter requesting that I be allowed to call the children at home, since we have unlimited long distance. Her new husband is trying to get involved now and is refusing to allow me to call the children on the house phone, insisting that the children will call me on their mother's cell "when they feel like it".

 

[Just Blue]

I'm just not that kind of guy!

If I had known she was as psycho as she is (and I seriously think she is bi-polar but have no medical evidence to back it up) I would not have married her to begin with.

Such is life. She's setting herself up for failure again in different areas right now. I'm laying low and keeping tabs so that if she hurts the children in any way, I will be there to swoop them up.

My wife sent her a letter requesting that I be allowed to call the children at home, since we have unlimited long distance. Her new husband is trying to get involved now and is refusing to allow me to call the children on the house phone, insisting that the children will call me on their mother's cell "when they feel like it".

Well...look at it this way...if he continues to try to interfere in your ability to contact the children he may help his wife to loose custody. What does your order say in regards to phone calls?

Buy the kids a disposable cell...they can call you and you will always be able to contact them!