Drug addictive terrorizes his grandma

[Pinkie39]

Thank you for sharing your story. Now I will know that there is not much can be done. That might help me to convince my mother to let events go their own way.

I'm not saying he can't be committed, just that it's extremely difficult to do, and hard to succeed. I agree with Ohiogal's advice about the restraining order, if you can convince your relative to go for one.

 

[stealth2]

Your mother is half the problem, since she seems unwilling to do anything. She could also change her phone number, change the locks, consider an alarm system. And then tell him no when he wants to come back. But if she's unwilling to help herself...

 

[Ohiogal]

It is not that simple. It is not a problem to get him out, she did it once. Two days later he called and asked her to take him back. He sounded calm, so she took him back. Everything was all right for a day, but then he got aggressive again. Tonight he suppose to leave her place for good. I am furious knowing how he verbally abuses my mother. On the other hand I want to help him as much as my mother does. The problem is, he refuses any help or to seek help himself. Sooner or later he will get himself in trouble. Nobody wants him to get hurt or die from overdose, or even worse - to kill somebody. He really needs professional help, so how we can place him into some kind of clinic without his consent? How can we get him to a court so that he would be forced to get help he needs? How to get that court order? As I was told, he doesn't understand and can't control his actions. His behavior in court supports that, it is something wrong with his mental health. He might be dangerous and might hurt himself or others.

And? Your mother doesn't care. It is her house. She can choose to have him there or not. YOU do NOT get a say so in what she does.

 

[povelniu]

And? Your mother doesn't care. It is her house. She can choose to have him there or not. YOU do NOT get a say so in what she does.

She cares, she want's him to recover, but everybody keep telling her that without his consent it is impossible to help him. If that can be done only having a court to send him to rehab clinic, we would take that path. The question is, how to get him to a court? He won't go voluntarily.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you, Proserpina. Should she call cops when violent episode occurs? Eviction would not be necessary, because legally he is not living with her, just "visiting". Besides, he is her first grandson, so she wants to help him. She is trying to be nice with him and blames drugs. If I was there and he would insult my mom in front of me, I would just probably nock him down right away. I don't know though what kind of influence do drugs do to his branes and if he would be able to remember what he was beaten for or if it's even worth to try to stand up against his violence with his own medicine. It's like V. Putin's aggression against Ukraine - talks or sanctions are not effective, so maybe some force against the force would do more good. I just don't want to make things worse than it is now.

You've got to be kidding me.

What on EARTH makes you think you have permission to "beat" him? You do realize, right, that you're coming across as more violent than he is?

 

[Ladyback1]

She cares, she want's him to recover, but everybody keep telling her that without his consent it is impossible to help him. If that can be done only having a court to send him to rehab clinic, we would take that path. The question is, how to get him to a court? He won't go voluntarily.

The ONLY way outside help is beneficial to someone who is an addict, is if the person wants to change.

And, if he has a mental illness? Until he can realize and accept that he has an illness, no amount of forced treatment is going to fix that.

He has to come to that point himself.
At some point, "tough love", is about all you can offer. While Grandma's heart is in the right place in allowing him to visit/live with her, it most likely is not going to help the kid come to a conclusion. Right now he has a safety net, and knows/thinks that Grandma (or someone in the family) will bail him out, help him, shelter him, etc. And so far, he's been right. Why should he do something or anything to change, seek help, when he's not suffering any consequences for his actions?