Emergency help, domestic violence restraining order

[farhanakhalil]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York.
Hi, I am going through a difficult phase. I am currently 19 and I have a boyfriend who is 25 years old. I really love my boyfriend and he really loves me, and so does his family. We're very different given that I am aspiring to become a doctor and he is working at a restaurant. Despite our differences, we love each other a lot. Our love has responsibilities, compassion, dependency, emotional growth, and support. Recently, my parents found out about our relationship as they walked in on me and my boyfriend at the dorms. My mom started to hit my boyfriend alot with her hands, her shoes, and hangers. She also hit me at the dorms and then she brought us home and hit us more. She confiscated his ID and his phone refused to give it back. She made our lives hell. FOr the first few days she hits me so much and she refused to let me have an education. After everyone convincing her, she finally let in, but now its hard because she drops me off and picks me off of college. She doesnt let me socialize I am on complete lockdown at home. I feel like a prisoner. I am not able to concentrate. I really love my boyfriend and his family accepts me. My parents are forcing me to do a restraining order on him and I dont want to, This is just a brief summary. I really need help asap. I cant live in this house anymore, Im scared I'm going to die. My mom is making my life miserable. Please tell me what I should do

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York.
Hi, I am going through a difficult phase. I am currently 19 and I have a boyfriend who is 25 years old. I really love my boyfriend and he really loves me, and so does his family. We're very different given that I am aspiring to become a doctor and he is working at a restaurant. Despite our differences, we love each other a lot. Our love has responsibilities, compassion, dependency, emotional growth, and support. Recently, my parents found out about our relationship as they walked in on me and my boyfriend at the dorms. My mom started to hit my boyfriend alot with her hands, her shoes, and hangers. She also hit me at the dorms and then she brought us home and hit us more. She confiscated his ID and his phone refused to give it back. She made our lives hell. FOr the first few days she hits me so much and she refused to let me have an education. After everyone convincing her, she finally let in, but now its hard because she drops me off and picks me off of college. She doesnt let me socialize I am on complete lockdown at home. I feel like a prisoner. I am not able to concentrate. I really love my boyfriend and his family accepts me. My parents are forcing me to do a restraining order on him and I dont want to, This is just a brief summary. I really need help asap. I cant live in this house anymore, Im scared I'm going to die. My mom is making my life miserable. Please tell me what I should do

You're a legal adult.

Leave home.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York.
Hi, I am going through a difficult phase. I am currently 19 and I have a boyfriend who is 25 years old. I really love my boyfriend and he really loves me, and so does his family. We're very different given that I am aspiring to become a doctor and he is working at a restaurant. Despite our differences, we love each other a lot. Our love has responsibilities, compassion, dependency, emotional growth, and support. Recently, my parents found out about our relationship as they walked in on me and my boyfriend at the dorms. My mom started to hit my boyfriend alot with her hands, her shoes, and hangers. She also hit me at the dorms and then she brought us home and hit us more. She confiscated his ID and his phone refused to give it back. She made our lives hell. FOr the first few days she hits me so much and she refused to let me have an education. After everyone convincing her, she finally let in, but now its hard because she drops me off and picks me off of college. She doesnt let me socialize I am on complete lockdown at home. I feel like a prisoner. I am not able to concentrate. I really love my boyfriend and his family accepts me. My parents are forcing me to do a restraining order on him and I dont want to, This is just a brief summary. I really need help asap. I cant live in this house anymore, Im scared I'm going to die. My mom is making my life miserable. Please tell me what I should do

Based just on this post I would suggest you seek mental assistance. Good Luck. Try and have a nice Thanksgiving.

 

[farhanakhalil]

I cant leave home, Im on complete lockdown, Im locked from the inside of the house as I dont have any keys and my mom takes away my phone laptop and itouch whenever she is not here and why should I seek mental assistance?

 

[Proserpina]

I cant leave home, Im on complete lockdown, Im locked from the inside of the house as I dont have any keys and my mom takes away my phone laptop and itouch whenever she is not here and why should I seek mental assistance?

You have internet access.

Contact the appropriate authorities.

 

[farhanakhalil]

can you tell me how to contact the authorities online? I've been searching it up, but I haven't found anything in NY

 

[st-kitts]

E-mail your local police department if you are really being held hostage. Or next time your parents drop you off at college, don't meet them to return to the house. They can't physically drag you to the car (or they could try but would likely end up with asault charges if you resist)

Keep in mind a few things:

1.) While your parents cannot force you to live at home at 19, you can not force them to pay for anything at 19. They can legally stop paying for your college (if they are doing so). They also don't owe you a phone, lap top, i-pad, i-pod or any other wordly possession. If they provided you those items, you might have to leave those behind to start your new life.
2.) If you apply for a restraining order, you are making a statement under oath. You are making that statement under penalties of perjury. If you let anyone "force" you to do that and in doing so make false statements, you are placing yourself at risk of your very own criminal record. It may be that your boyfriend is abusing you and your parents are trying to "force" you to face the facts and document them. That is one thing. But if he isn't abusive at all, as you state, making that claim that he is (which is what you do in an application for a restraining order) is serious business.

You have a responsibility as an adult not to lie in court.

 

[farhanakhalil]

I am willing to leave eveyrthing behind as my boyfriend and his family are willing to pay for my education and everything else. The problem is that its Thanksgiving break and Im stuck at home. My parents may take me to a lawyers anytime to force me to sign the restraining order. If I dont sign it, they will drag me home and beat me up and not let me go outside anymore. It's tough, I dont know what to do. I feel like my mom is going to murder me. She threatned that she will kill me and then herself and then blame everything at him and his family. My boyfriend is a very nice guy. He always supported me no matter what and he is really worried about me. Both of us are scared on what my mom can do because she is pretty dangerous and violent

 

[st-kitts]

My parents may take me to a lawyers anytime to force me to sign the restraining order. If I dont sign it, they will drag me home and beat me up and not let me go outside anymore.

No, if they take you to a lawyer's office you tell the lawyer you are being coerced and ask him/her to call the police for a civil standby to assist you in leaving the law office unharmed.

If you are leaving, you need a plan that involves only YOU taking care of YOU at this point. Relying on him, versus your parents, simply passes the reigns of control over your life from them to him. If your plan is to leave, you need to plan to support yourself and pay for your own education.

 

[Just Blue]

I cant leave home, Im on complete lockdown, Im locked from the inside of the house as I dont have any keys and my mom takes away my phone laptop and itouch whenever she is not here and why should I seek mental assistance?

I am wondering that your 25 year old BF, who by your 1st posting is also being "held hostage" and assaulted:

My mom started to hit my boyfriend alot with her hands, her shoes, and hangers. She also hit me at the dorms and then she brought us home and hit us more. She confiscated his ID and his phone refused to give it back. She made our lives hell. FOr the first few days she hits me so much and she refused to let me have an education. After everyone convincing

, what did this 25 year old adult do? Did he contact the police when he was away from your parents and allowed to go home?

Have you had, and I am not asking this to embarrass you but to get the full picture, any MH issues in your past? Does the BF suffer from any MH issues?

 

[farhanakhalil]

I'm sorry but I dont understand what MH stand for? I've grown up belonging to a Bengali culture (South Asian). I never had a boyfriend before because my thoughts on relationship is kind of traditional than others now a days. We both love each other than in a few years we want to get married. My boyfriend never had a relationship before. When I want to leave the house, the problem is I cant support myself as everything is difficult. My tuition is very high, I have no job and with a job I cant pay everything. I understand what your saying about the control factor, but its not like that.

 

[sandyclaus]

I'm going to go out on a limb, based on OP's username, and say that a lot of what she is experiencing is a cultural issue.

In many Middle Eastern families, the females are given far less freedom to live as they choose. It sounds like your parents disapprove of how involved you have gotten with this boyfriend, and are doing what they are doing in order to protect you (in their eyes). No, it doesn't excuse the physical abuse, but it certainly explains things - including how restrictive they are being with her.

OP's choice is simple. Either they give up the security of a family that provides her the material things and the roof over her head that she has come to rely upon, or she learns to live with her choice to stay - and gives up the idea of having a liberal boyfriend with whom she can do things she wants to do.

 

[farhanakhalil]

my parents called his parents up and after more yelling they left, but my mom refused to give his ID and his phone back

 

[Just Blue]

my parents called his parents up and after more yelling they left, but my mom refused to give his ID and his phone back

MH=Mental Health.

I'm sorry...As you are interested in being a Doctor I thought you would know this.

May I ask what your BF's culture is? Were you and he born in the U.S. ? If not how long have you lived here? Did you attend public or cuturial schooling?

 

[Proserpina]

MH=Mental Health.

I'm sorry...As you are interested in being a Doctor I thought you would know this.

May I ask what your BF's culture is? Were you and he born in the U.S. ? If not how long have you lived here? Did you attend public or cuturial schooling?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking here? I think we're both thinking the same thing.

(I'd love to "like" some posts - can I make that my Thanksgiving wish?!)

(Also, soup...mmmhmmmm!)