Emotional distress from irresponsible parents.

[nh1991]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My sister has created emotional distress and abuse in the family and especially to my parents for as long as I can remember. My sister had two planned children without ever working before, and with a guy she had not known for very long. She wanted an excuse to stay home and hold the kids over my parents heads so she could continue to not do anything, and manipulate them. The stories go far and wide why I am reaching out for help. I don't believe either of the parents of the kids are responsible, the father often doesn't pay child support, or so I have heard from my parents and sister. My parents have expressed wishes of the father helping out more, and my sister will not have it. My parents have had issues with my sister ever since she was young. They had expressed kicking her out many times but do not have the heart to do so. Our extended family has seen my sister behavior for very long, and are afraid to say anything to my sister because she is a bully. I can not bare to see the affects she has had on my parents and myself any longer. My mom has helped my sister out and has been taken advantage of by my sister for too long and my sister is extremely ungrateful. I can say I even remember my sister (a friend even remembers) had sexually abused me when she was younger, and remember seeing her touch the son of the babysitter when we were younger. The same situation happened to my mom from one of her brothers, and he did it to his child. She has told her own child (Ava, age 3) that it is her fault that everyone is upset with my sister, and these upsets have happened way before my sister had kids. I would like to discuss details and get advice on what to do with this situation, or if there is anything to do.

 

[stealth2]

Neither you nor your parents have standing to do anything.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

My sister has created emotional distress and abuse in the family and especially to my parents for as long as I can remember. My sister had two planned children without ever working before, and with a guy she had not known for very long. She wanted an excuse to stay home and hold the kids over my parents heads so she could continue to not do anything, and manipulate them. The stories go far and wide why I am reaching out for help. I don't believe either of the parents of the kids are responsible, the father often doesn't pay child support, or so I have heard from my parents and sister. My parents have expressed wishes of the father helping out more, and my sister will not have it. My parents have had issues with my sister ever since she was young. They had expressed kicking her out many times but do not have the heart to do so. Our extended family has seen my sister behavior for very long, and are afraid to say anything to my sister because she is a bully. I can not bare to see the affects she has had on my parents and myself any longer. My mom has helped my sister out and has been taken advantage of by my sister for too long and my sister is extremely ungrateful. I can say I even remember my sister (a friend even remembers) had sexually abused me when she was younger, and remember seeing her touch the son of the babysitter when we were younger. The same situation happened to my mom from one of her brothers, and he did it to his child. She has told her own child (Ava, age 3) that it is her fault that everyone is upset with my sister, and these upsets have happened way before my sister had kids. I would like to discuss details and get advice on what to do with this situation, or if there is anything to do.

Based just on what you are stating, IMO, you should ask your Mother to seek an attorney. You, IMO, should seek counseling. Best wishes to you and ALL your family

Blue

 

[nh1991]

Neither you nor your parents have standing to do anything.

Would you mind elaborating on this? Thank you.
My sister has reached out via social media with nothing but lies about her situation and my parents, and others have expressed calling CPS on her. She is spiteful. She has a gofundme account as well (so far 0 help, heh).

 

[nh1991]

Based just on what you are stating, IMO, you should ask your Mother to seek an attorney. You, IMO, should seek counseling. Best wishes to you and ALL your family

Blue

My mom is a mom, and a great one at that. I and other bystanders have expressed this is an issue that needs to be dealt with by the parents (my sister and her children's father). They are just a bit lazy about it and are afraid of the consequences, hence my sister knew what she was doing when giving my parents grandchildren to hold that over my parents head in guilt and manipulation. This is what is so unfair to me... my parents have all the power to do something about their distress, I just want to help them and take a stand myself. My sister is an adult and does not pay rent in their house.

I do agree with you that I would like to speak with a counselor. This has all been out of my control and has affected me emotionally as well as my parents.

 

[Just Blue]

My mom is a mom, and a great one at that. I and other bystanders have expressed this is an issue that needs to be dealt with by the parents (my sister and her children's father). They are just a bit lazy about it and are afraid of the consequences, hence my sister knew what she was doing when giving my parents grandchildren to hold that over my parents head in guilt and manipulation. This is what is so unfair to me... my parents have all the power to do something about their distress, I just want to help them and take a stand myself. My sister is an adult and does not pay rent in their house.

I do agree with you that I would like to speak with a counselor. This has all been out of my control and has affected me emotionally as well as my parents.

I have real concerns with your posts. But as I am not an Attorney or a Doctor I will not advise except to say seek the help of both.

 

[stealth2]

Would you mind elaborating on this? Thank you.
My sister has reached out via social media with nothing but lies about her situation and my parents, and others have expressed calling CPS on her. She is spiteful. She has a gofundme account as well (so far 0 help, heh).

None of that matters. What makes you think you/your parents have any rights to your sister's children? If you think the children arein danger - call CPS.

 

[Silverplum]

You have no power to fix or change any of these problems. Focus on your own life and try to ignore them.

 

[nh1991]

None of that matters. What makes you think you/your parents have any rights to your sister's children? If you think the children arein danger - call CPS.

Okay. I see your point, this is true. Other bystanders have expressed calling CPS. I have considered it myself. I have shared this and everything else with the father of the children, hoping it will light a fire up his ass.

I have expressed that my sister needs professional help beyond any of us can give to her. I need it myself. My mom and dad need it. The excuse - no money!!!

Thank you everyone for your input to my curiosity.

 

[Just Blue]

There is a few attorney that post on this site and have much expertise in Family Law. Stick around for their advice.

 

[Eekamouse]

My mom is a mom, and a great one at that. I and other bystanders have expressed this is an issue that needs to be dealt with by the parents (my sister and her children's father). They are just a bit lazy about it and are afraid of the consequences, hence my sister knew what she was doing when giving my parents grandchildren to hold that over my parents head in guilt and manipulation. This is what is so unfair to me... my parents have all the power to do something about their distress, I just want to help them and take a stand myself. My sister is an adult and does not pay rent in their house.

I do agree with you that I would like to speak with a counselor. This has all been out of my control and has affected me emotionally as well as my parents.

Your parents are adults. Let them deal with your sister themselves. When they stop enabling her, she'll sink or swim on her own. Worry about yourself and work on your own issues instead of stressing over how your sister treats the family.

 

[nh1991]

Your parents are adults. Let them deal with your sister themselves. When they stop enabling her, she'll sink or swim on her own. Worry about yourself and work on your own issues instead of stressing over how your sister treats the family.

I agree with your input. It is hard when I have grown up around a whirlwind of stress and often did not understand it. I had been in the background at home my whole entire life, which took away from the love and attention I needed... because of this brat. You live and learn!... I guess.

 

[Just Blue]

I agree with your input. It is hard when I have grown up around a whirlwind of stress and often did not understand it. I had been in the background at home my whole entire life, which took away from the love and attention I needed... because of this brat. You live and learn!... I guess.

I can say I even remember my sister (a friend even remembers) had sexually abused me when she was younger, and remember seeing her touch the son of the babysitter when we were younger.

Did you EVER report this to the police? If not...Why?

 

[nh1991]

Did you EVER report this to the police? If not...Why?

I have not. I did not feel that was necessary or that they could do much about it... but I guess they have dealt with, for example, emotionally abusive spouses or partners... creating a restraining order. I have THOUGHT about that. I have regret not screen capturing, or keeping my phone handy for recordings, some of the things my sister has said on social media or to me or at home to the family... just in case things got ugly. This is something that has been experienced and felt by my family and I and other family members. So that is where the "witnesses" come in play. Also, I have told my mom later on in life, after my sister had her first child... I had woken up with an anxiety attack about it all. My friend agrees that my mom, intentionally or not, swept it under the rug so to speak. It always felt not right to me, and I had never been close with my sister because of these experiences. My mom thinks "we were just kids, not a big deal". Who knows where my sister learned this behavior, or if it is just who she is. Hence I do need to reach out to a professional psychologist about it!

 

[Just Blue]

I have not. I did not feel that was necessary or that they could do much about it... but I guess they have dealt with, for example, emotionally abusive spouses or partners... creating a restraining order. I have THOUGHT about that. I have regret not screen capturing, or keeping my phone handy for recordings, some of the things my sister has said on social media or to me or at home to the family... just in case things got ugly. This is something that has been experienced and felt by my family and I and other family members. So that is where the "witnesses" come in play. Also, I have told my mom later on in life, after my sister had her first child... I had woken up with an anxiety attack about it all. My friend agrees that my mom, intentionally or not, swept it under the rug so to speak. It always felt not right to me, and I had never been close with my sister because of these experiences. My mom thinks "we were just kids, not a big deal". Who knows where my sister learned this behavior, or if it is just who she is.

You stated that you were molested by this sibling, have a witness to it happening. Also saw her molest another child...And yet...Don't feel "that it is necessary"? Why is that?

I honestly don't understand why your thought process is here....What is it you want to happen?