Emotional and verbal abuse

[brd2trs]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[brd2trs]

Message did not post...

I am in California.

I have been subjected to over four years of abusive emails from my ex-husband. There's at least one almost daily, sometimes 12 in a day.

Complaints range from minor childhood scrapes and bruises, lack of proper nutrition, my deviant lifestyle, verbal attacks against my family including my husband, claims if neglect, character assisination, drug and alcohol abuse (I even voluntarily tested every 80 hours for over a month to prove him wrong), and the list goes on and on. He never believes a single word I say and tells me I'm lying, committing fraud, and am no longer capable of anything but the destruction of our children.

I tried to obtain a restraining order when we first separated and it was denied. He withheld my firearms illegally, would drive by my house, would enter my house without my permission, go through my recycling, and would use force if I tried to close and lock the door. The judge just told him not to do it again.

He will call me into mediation and then storm out because he says I am being unreasonable and distorting the facts.

My attorney feels I won't be granted a RO unless there are physical threats.

I've lost three months of work due to a mental breakdown because of the abuse. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety disorder all because he refuses to be civil and leave me alone.

How can I make this stop? It breaks my heart to think if what the kids go through at his house. I left because they couldn't take it anymore. They were only 4 and 7 at the time.

 

[Shadowbunny]

I am in California.

I have been subjected to over four years of abusive emails from my ex-husband. There's at least one almost daily, sometimes 12 in a day.

Complaints range from minor childhood scrapes and bruises, lack of proper nutrition, my deviant lifestyle, verbal attacks against my family including my husband, claims if neglect, character assisination, drug and alcohol abuse (I even voluntarily tested every 80 hours for over a month to prove him wrong), and the list goes on and on. He never believes a single word I say and tells me I'm lying, committing fraud, and am no longer capable of anything but the destruction of our children.

I tried to obtain a restraining order when we first separated and it was denied. He withheld my firearms illegally, would drive by my house, would enter my house without my permission, go through my recycling, and would use force if I tried to close and lock the door. The judge just told him not to do it again.

He will call me into mediation and then storm out because he says I am being unreasonable and distorting the facts.

My attorney feels I won't be granted a RO unless there are physical threats.

I've lost three months of work due to a mental breakdown because of the abuse. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety disorder all because he refuses to be civil and leave me alone.

How can I make this stop? It breaks my heart to think if what the kids go through at his house. I left because they couldn't take it anymore. They were only 4 and 7 at the time.

Not even an RO will make him stop. Your best defense is to stop letting him upset you. Being a jerk too often comes with a divorce situation, but it's not necessarily illegal. I don't know how long ago it was that you first separated from him, but it sounds like it's been a long time since the judge told him to stop. If that's the case, what abuse are you alleging?

 

[CourtClerk]

You're entertaining and engaging his behavior so he's getting a rise out of it. So stop.

 

[brd2trs]

Sadly, I am court ordered to respond if it regarding the children. This has been going on for over four years.

When he attacks my parenting my canned response is, "You do not parent in my home. I have no desire to discuss this further."

My children and I were emotionally and verbally abused during the marriage. The continued abuse through email and texts is unacceptable and I will not tolerate it anymore. PTSD is triggered on a daily basis. Will the court recognize the harassing behavior for emotional and verbal abuse? No reasonable person would think his behavior is normal.

I have notified him I will only respond to him through talking parents.com, ansent if an emergency involving the children, on Friday. He's refusing and still sending emails. My response is now titled "Automated Notification" with the subject reading, "The recipient of this email will not reply to your message. All communications should be directed through talking parents.com.

Our court order does not state our method of communication so I see no way I'll be chastised for refusing email. Am I correct?

Thanks!

 

[stealth2]

I'd ask the court to order communication via Our Parenting Wizard. The court can then see the messages between you two, thereby making it more likely he'll behave. Yes, it involves payment (usually ~$100 per parent/year, I believe). But even paying the full amount for both of you would be cheaper than an hour of therapy, no? Alternately, filter his emails to a separate mailbox, and ask someone you trust to check the emails he sends. That person can then let you know which need to be replied to. (I'd still go with OPW...)

 

[CdwJava]

I am in California.

I have been subjected to over four years of abusive emails from my ex-husband. There's at least one almost daily, sometimes 12 in a day.

If there is nothing in the divorce decree or custody agreement mandating communication, you are free to ignore or block these communications. If they continue against your desire, and they are harassing in nature, you can report the matter to the police as a misdemeanor per PC 653m.

Complaints range from minor childhood scrapes and bruises, lack of proper nutrition, my deviant lifestyle, verbal attacks against my family including my husband, claims if neglect, character assisination, drug and alcohol abuse (I even voluntarily tested every 80 hours for over a month to prove him wrong), and the list goes on and on. He never believes a single word I say and tells me I'm lying, committing fraud, and am no longer capable of anything but the destruction of our children.

Sometimes the best response to annoying people is to simply ignore them. If he gets a rise out of you, he wins.

I tried to obtain a restraining order when we first separated and it was denied. He withheld my firearms illegally, would drive by my house, would enter my house without my permission, go through my recycling, and would use force if I tried to close and lock the door. The judge just told him not to do it again.

If he enters your house again, call the police.

He will call me into mediation and then storm out because he says I am being unreasonable and distorting the facts.

He is free to think that. If you fall into the trap of responding and acting out in kind, then he wins.

My attorney feels I won't be granted a RO unless there are physical threats.

That's probably the case.

I've lost three months of work due to a mental breakdown because of the abuse. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety disorder all because he refuses to be civil and leave me alone.

Ignore him. Block his email, save his texts and phone messages, and don't answer the phone when he calls. If he wants to leave a message about the kids, he can do so. Then you also have a record of what he has said.

Hopefully you have court mandated dates and times for custody exchanges, and the location is a public place.

How can I make this stop? It breaks my heart to think if what the kids go through at his house. I left because they couldn't take it anymore. They were only 4 and 7 at the time.

See above.

EDIT: After reading your response above, it sounds like you are on the right track. But, if he continues to email you when you have told him to stop, you might still consider contacting the police as I mentioned above.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'd ask the court to order communication via Our Parenting Wizard. The court can then see the messages between you two, thereby making it more likely he'll behave. Yes, it involves payment (usually ~$100 per parent/year, I believe). But even paying the full amount for both of you would be cheaper than an hour of therapy, no? Alternately, filter his emails to a separate mailbox, and ask someone you trust to check the emails he sends. That person can then let you know which need to be replied to. (I'd still go with OPW...)

Talkingparents.com is a similar program but FREE (ads on the pages apparently). New program, my local courts are beginning to use it.