ex boyfriend filed a restraining order against me

[emilyk925]

What is the name of your state? ca
I have a TRO in effect and my hearing is this coming Monday.
Our relationship has been tumultuous from the start. The last blow out we had he filed a restraining order agianst me. I showed up at the apartment and a girl was there. I got angry and left.
I had told him I would contact the police regarding 3 seperate occasions in which he had stolen solar panels from private residences and sold them for cash. He also deals drugs. He has a group of friend that commit fraud w/ stolen credit cards and identities. I threatened to go to the police about all of this.
When I went over there the last time - I had informed him that I had contacted the police about the solar panels (not true) I was bluffing.
It is my belief that he filed this restraining order in retaliation against me. We both know that I am no threat to his physical safety or his well being. I am completely over him and have moved on.
He states that he suffered bruises on his arms and shoulders while I was there...this is true...I was hitting him while he was strangling me. I was flailing b/c I couldnt get any air. I had bruises on my neck the next day.
I never went to the police when he abused me...my bad now. On numerous occasions he hit me and caused injury to my body.
I have several police reports docmenting broken windows and harassment that have occured at my house - as well as an arrest from being pulled over and having methamphetamine and a pipe on his person.
The police have been called to his place several times...no arrests were made.
Do I have a leg to stand on? Or is it a matter of he filed first so he wins the order?What is the name of your state?

 

[moburkes]

Do you have a leg to stand on for what? You both say that you have moved on, you say that you went over there, and you say that you gave him bruises. It sounds legit to me.

 

[emilyk925]

you missed a few

did you miss the part where I couldn't breathe? Gee, what would you have suggested to one of you're kids if they were being strangled and couldn't breathe? Or do you need to put on glasses and reread it? Thanks for the quote perfect parent...there are no kids involved....
where is the case then you say? in favor of him?

 

[moburkes]

did you miss the part where I couldn't breathe? Gee, what would you have suggested to one of you're kids if they were being strangled and couldn't breathe? Or do you need to put on glasses and reread it? Thanks for the quote perfect parent...there are no kids involved....
where is the case then you say? in favor of him?

No, I didn't miss it. Nor did I miss where you didn't go to the police. He can prove what you did to him. You said the relationship was tumultuous from the start. This should have ended the moment either of you laid hands on the other. If YOU don't value your life, I can't. Not trying to be rude, hon. A girlfriend of mine, with 3 kids, just got put out of her house, and can't see her kids, because, when they were fighting, she drew blood. Instead of leaving as soon as it started, she went to jail, because she drew blood. We're communicating by email, literally, as I type this to you.

If you were my sister, I'd have beat the MF til he was within an inch of his life. And, if you were my sister, and went BACK, we'd have nothing more to say to one another. The only "person" that I'd be dealing with is God, because if you don't want to help yourself, then I can't help you either.

 

[emilyk925]

a leg to stand on in my defense....

Perhaps you are an expert on the matter. i posted looking for advice...
Maybe I should clarify what I mean by that...
What do I expect? Is there any way to prevent the restraining order form being granted.
I feel it is unjust to have my rights traken away from me based on the circumstances and intent behind his filing.
Is it possible to file a restraining order against him? If he does get one? If he doesn't?
If you would like to take a stab at those questions 'proud parent' - I welcome your legal savvy...

 

[mommyof4]

Ddi you ever report him for the assualt...the assault so serious that you could not breath and were fighting for your life?

At this point, he had the forethought to file for a restraining order and you only have your story. Your problem is that your story is going to sound like just that...a story.

If you are over him, you will have no reason to go anywhere near him.

 

[moburkes]

All you can do is tell the truth. The restraining order SHOULD be granted. No rights are being taken away from you. Stay away from him, and it will go away. If you have no intention of keeping contact, then it should be easy.

 

[mommyof4]

Perhaps you are an expert on the matter. i posted looking for advice...
Maybe I should clarify what I mean by that...
What do I expect? Is there any way to prevent the restraining order form being granted.
I feel it is unjust to have my rights traken away from me based on the circumstances and intent behind his filing.
Is it possible to file a restraining order against him? If he does get one? If he doesn't?
If you would like to take a stab at those questions 'proud parent' - I welcome your legal savvy...

What RIGHTS? You say you are over him. The restraining order will only apply to staying away from him. I understand that you don't want a restraining order against you, but as far as RIGHTS, what are you talking about? Just stay away from him. This shouldn't be hard for you to do. If nothing else, it should serve as a reminder that you are over him...you know, the next time you decide that you just have to talk to him.

 

[emilyk925]

I messed up then...

I agree w/ you - I should have stayed away. I should have done a lot of things.
I have no intention of being anywhere near him...he actually contacted me vi e-mail the day I was served...saying how I never listened to him blah blah...
Thank you for reiterateing that though - you're right. I wish these lessons weren't so painful.

 

[mommyof4]

If he is contacting you, you need to print out those e-mails as proof to present to the judge and ask that a restraining order be placed against him, also. You BOTH need to cut off all contact with each other.

 

[moburkes]

I agree w/ you - I should have stayed away. I should have done a lot of things.
I have no intention of being anywhere near him...he actually contacted me vi e-mail the day I was served...saying how I never listened to him blah blah...
Thank you for reiterateing that though - you're right. I wish these lessons weren't so painful.

You can TRY to use that email, but, just let it go.

 

[emilyk925]

So there is nothing I can do to stop the restraining order against myself...I just don't want something like that on my record...and if I do...or if I don't - I want to pursue obtaining one against him...its a matter of principle. Or am I getting ahead of myself.
Is that wrong? If it were you...would you defend yourself against the order (w/ the intent of staying away form him - that is not an issue)...
Can I file one against him?
I appreciate the feedback. Its a tough oill to swallow but it helps put things in the proper perspective.

 

[emilyk925]

How would I use the e-mail?

how would I introduce the e-mail?

 

[emilyk925]

he contacted me once e-mail and texted several times f

one email basically saying I told you so...and several texts back and forth - his being from some anon. computer address..

 

[moburkes]

You bring it up in court. You can try to get one against him, but what has he done to you? You went to his house, he didn't come to yours. If he attempts to contact you after it is put into place, you can let the police know.