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Exhusband wont stop violating PFA

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chinacat13

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

whats up? My name is m. I have a PFA order that allows contact between us only for communication about the children. He has the children and has completely blew the custody order off too. He and mother has even said, the custody order is "not set in stone." But anyway, i have recieved 145 text messages from him since march 11...after the PFA was served. Most are a clever mix of stuff about the kids, his girlfriend, insults, and legal threats. there are days when I have recieved as many as 16 messages from him in as little as a few hours. I have called the cops a ton of times for the calls and texts, but they wont arrest him because they say the PFA is too "grey."
As long as the messages say at least something about the kids, they will not arrest him, because he is still protected under freedom of speech. I am a supporter of the Constitution, but damn...what about my protection as a victim. THIS MAN HAS AND STILL IS DESTROYING MY LIFE! They said they can pretty much only enforce a no contact order...so basically my PFA is useless. He has called me as recent as tuesday and threatened me with legal action for false reports to the police and called me a "deadbeat." He called my boyfriends job and proceeded to say "im still ****ing your girlfriend and her fat hangs over her pussy you emo loving ******." the manager of the restruant got on the phone and he told her the same thing. josh knows his voice because my ex and i have known josh for years. he even identifued himself over the phone! they called the cops because my boyfriend is protected by the PFA. the cops did nothing. a few weeks before that we recieved a ranodm message from a made up person on face book saying the same thing. Every visit exchange he like to call me "flabby" or a "fat ****." i always have a witness, my best friend of 10 years, with me. Its sad because it upsets all of us, and mostly the children. It ruins our visits. Of course my ex will always insist he did nothing and that i am crazy or on drugs. this makes me an wreck because he was VERY mentally and emotional abusive during our marriage and I cant take it anymore! He is very good at what he does, the man was an excellent salesman for years. I was advised by a DJ to file a criminal complaint form, which i did. It was accepted by the DA and i have hearing set for June 14th. Problem is, I have no attorney, so i hope to god the DA is kinda acting as my attorney. He has money and his family has political/police pull as his stepdad was a DA in this corrupt county for over 30 years...I hope im not screwed because my kids, myself, my boyfriend, my family and friends...we cant take the harrassment and stalking anymore! I miss my kids and im tired of him trying to ruin my relationship with them and trying to make them hate me! its putting a strain on all my relationships, our jobs...does anyone know about this and how it works in court. im scared.
 
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mistoffolees

Senior Member
I'm not sure why you're filing a criminal complaint form. I don't see anything that is likely to lead to a convocation --- and you are opening yourself up for harassment charges.

The only one with a potential complaint is your BF - but even that case would be a very weak one.

The real answer to your problem is to ignore him. If he wants to call you names, why do you care? Your best bet is to grow up and develop enough self-esteem to quit letting his name calling throw you into a tizzy.
 

st-kitts

Member
I'm not sure why you're filing a criminal complaint form. I don't see anything that is likely to lead to a convocation --- and you are opening yourself up for harassment charges.

The only one with a potential complaint is your BF - but even that case would be a very weak one.

The real answer to your problem is to ignore him. If he wants to call you names, why do you care? Your best bet is to grow up and develop enough self-esteem to quit letting his name calling throw you into a tizzy.
If the complaint was accepted by the DA, there IS something there. The DA would not take up a charge if they did not think there was at least a chance of a successful prosecution. And since OP has a protective order, there was enough there initially to be granted that order.

Perhaps you need to see if you can modify the restraining order to prohibit communication, period, and possibly do your custody exchanges at a visitation center or local police station.

OP, I suggest you call the national domestic violence hotline. They can direct you to the nearest local domestic violence outreach office. An advocate can help you understand what your legal options and even potentially attend court hearings with you so you won't be alone or confused about the process even if you do not have an attorney.
 

chinacat13

Junior Member
The PFA protects me against abuse, stalking, and harassment. I am positive this is harassment. The PFA says no cantact unless about the children or custody/visitation. He sends me messages about the kids but they are mixed with insults and threats. He has sent me several texts a day even after being asked multiple times to stop all contact unless directly about the children. He has tried to contact me anonymously (sp?) by phone and facebook with insults and accusations that he still has sex with me. He has consistanly calls me a "fat ****" at visitation exchange in front of the kids but where his mommy couldnt really hear him. I have a witness whose been with me at every visit and exchange. He lied about my boyfriend at the last custody hearing and now my boyfriend (who has no record, and never hurt my kids or any kids...so ive filed trial de novo) is not allowed around my children...but my ex just keeps calling him and treatening him. It is driving my boyfriend nuts! But he has promised me he wouldnt fly off the handle for the sake of my kids, and he hasn't. Good choice if he wants the courts to remove him from a person who is to have no contact. And my ex did this sheerly to make overnight visits hard, and my has even told me it was to make sure josh and i couldnt be together. i cant and josh cant hold back this frustration much longer. i cant even have a day off or time with my kids without all the BS and texts. I cant call my kids without him getting on the phone and calling me a **** or talking about his girlfriend. (like a i give a crap, as long as my kids are treated fairly and decent by her, i dont care who he is with. but the feeling isnt mutual.)
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I think we get the point of what he calls you - would you mind adhering to the ToS and losing the foul language? Thanks.
 

PQN

Member
Ask the court to order that all communication between him and you go through a formal parent communication website (this would allow the court to see exactly what he is saying and he'll know that so maybe he'll behave better). Ask the court to order him not to call your work, family or significant other.
 

whatnow22

Member
perhaps if you left your boyfriend out if this situation, it would simmer down a little.
it seems to me that everything is fresh, so why you're involving your bf in the matters is beyond crazy.

Tell your bf to change his number. It's simple. Then you can file for modification of the custody order to prohibit contact unless through email. Then this would hinder his ability to verbally assault you like you are suggestion.

Once you get approval for that, I'd obtain a home phone with an answering machine. This can be used in case of emergencies. You can either set up call forwarding to your cell phone, or screen your calls. What will this do? This will allow you to change your cell phone number also.

In addition to the changes above, seek modification to have pick up/drop of at a neutral location (i.e. police station)

Your boyfriend should not indulge in his behavior. If your ex calls him at his job, just hang up. If he keeps calling back, the establishment will have a better grip for harassment charges.

I repeat though, you are only hurting yourself and your kids by allowing your boyfriend to get in the middle of this.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I absolutely recommend an answering machine, and call-screening.

I do that even now.

(And as far as I'm aware, any person - in ANY state - who leaves a message on an answering machine is consenting to that message being recorded and thus it should remove the whole issue of single/both party consent)
 
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