To file or not to file a restraining order

[FastbackJon]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

My parents were married 25 years, my dad was a corrections officer.
In the 25 years they were married, and 19 years that I lived with them both, neither one
was phsically abusive and we never had the cops called out to the house. Dad passed away
when I was 19, and I moved out of the house shortly after as an adult. Mom then remarried.
The man she remarried was fine for three years, normal relationship, even bought me gifts
when he would go out of town. Then back in August of 2009 he changed.

I've done nothing whatsoever wrong to him but in his mind he's projecting everything
onto me. He started sending me multiple threatening, name-calling and harassing phone
calls and emails. I have not fought back, just ignored them. He's got nothing against
me. I haven't even said one negative word to this man. I had all of the paperwork
together for a restraining order but didn't want to set him off further for my mom's
sake so that they could hopefully have a happy marriage together, so I didn't file any
of it.

I went up to their house to collect some things of mine during this time from the garage
when mom said it was okay and he went into a rage and came after me ready to kill me yelling
"I don't care if I get arrested." I got in my car and drove a block away and called the police
who came out. He managed to get himself under control in that time. They did not take him in.
Mom has called the cops on him once or twice as well for getting physical with her, throwing
things, breaking things.

So a few weeks go by and he ends up getting physical again with my mom. She defends herself
the best she can being 100lbs less and six inches shorter while leaving the situation,
and he gives himself a black eye and calls the cops on her, which sends her to jail
overnight and gets a restraining order on her against their house (originally my parents
house).

She is not allowed to contact him with the restraining order on, so he then tries to
bait and manipulate her into breaking the restraining order, sends out a bunch more
harassing and threatening emails to me and her side of the family, hires a lawyer with
a nasty reputation, drains my mom's bank account, cancels her debit cards, maxes out
their credit cards with cash advances, gets a uhaul and starts taking stuff out of the
house, and gives both a cousin of mine and I verbal death threats.

I reported the death threat to the police who then called him and he got livid and left
a voice mail threatening that I better drop it or else he'll come after me with all he's
got. He's got nothing against me, but with his lawyer's rep, I wouldn't put it past them
to start making stuff up.

I want to file the restraining order to set some clear boundaries but mom is scared because
at the same time, she still has the restraining order against her for the alleged abuse
towards him and he's threatening to put her in jail for a long time if we don't surrender
and back down to him.

He is on prescription painkillers and anxiety medication and is not acting in any predictable,
nor rational way.

What to do, what to do?

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

My parents were married 25 years, my dad was a corrections officer.
In the 25 years they were married, and 19 years that I lived with them both, neither one
was phsically abusive and we never had the cops called out to the house. Dad passed away
when I was 19, and I moved out of the house shortly after as an adult. Mom then remarried.
The man she remarried was fine for three years, normal relationship, even bought me gifts
when he would go out of town. Then back in August of 2009 he changed.

I've done nothing whatsoever wrong to him but in his mind he's projecting everything
onto me. He started sending me multiple threatening, name-calling and harassing phone
calls and emails. I have not fought back, just ignored them. He's got nothing against
me. I haven't even said one negative word to this man. I had all of the paperwork
together for a restraining order but didn't want to set him off further for my mom's
sake so that they could hopefully have a happy marriage together, so I didn't file any
of it.

I went up to their house to collect some things of mine during this time from the garage
when mom said it was okay and he went into a rage and came after me ready to kill me yelling
"I don't care if I get arrested." I got in my car and drove a block away and called the police
who came out. He managed to get himself under control in that time. They did not take him in.
Mom has called the cops on him once or twice as well for getting physical with her, throwing
things, breaking things.

So a few weeks go by and he ends up getting physical again with my mom. She defends herself
the best she can being 100lbs less and six inches shorter while leaving the situation,
and he gives himself a black eye and calls the cops on her, which sends her to jail
overnight and gets a restraining order on her against their house (originally my parents
house).

She is not allowed to contact him with the restraining order on, so he then tries to
bait and manipulate her into breaking the restraining order, sends out a bunch more
harassing and threatening emails to me and her side of the family, hires a lawyer with
a nasty reputation, drains my mom's bank account, cancels her debit cards, maxes out
their credit cards with cash advances, gets a uhaul and starts taking stuff out of the
house, and gives both a cousin of mine and I verbal death threats.

I reported the death threat to the police who then called him and he got livid and left
a voice mail threatening that I better drop it or else he'll come after me with all he's
got. He's got nothing against me, but with his lawyer's rep, I wouldn't put it past them
to start making stuff up.

I want to file the restraining order to set some clear boundaries but mom is scared because
at the same time, she still has the restraining order against her for the alleged abuse
towards him and he's threatening to put her in jail for a long time if we don't surrender
and back down to him.

He is on prescription painkillers and anxiety medication and is not acting in any predictable,
nor rational way.

What to do, what to do?

You've listed alot of things that happened in the past, which *might* help now, or might not.

The question is this- what has he done in the last 3 or so days?
I'm asking because you will need to prove that you are in danger at the present time.

 

[FastbackJon]

The last verbal death threat was Tuesday night. I was going to submit the RO right away but didn't for my mom's sake since she had a court date Friday (today). I submitted the threat in a police report this afternoon, and they contacted him. He then left my mother voicemail which was threatening and then he called my phoen during a movie and left a message which I'm assuming is harassing and threatening, but I haven't listened to it yet.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

The last verbal death threat was Tuesday night. I was going to submit the RO right away but didn't for my mom's sake since she had a court date Friday (today). I submitted the threat in a police report this afternoon, and they contacted him. He then left my mother voicemail which was threatening and then he called my phoen during a movie and left a message which I'm assuming is harassing and threatening, but I haven't listened to it yet.

I would save any and all messages from him for both you to get an RO against him but also to help your mother's case. I would also try and see if he has a history of violence in the past that neither you or your mother were aware of from before he met her. It may help if he has a history of violence and you can prove that.