KristenJohnson
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
I share equally physical/legal custody of my 3 children w my ex-husband. My oldest daughter has had a great deal of emotional issues, depression, anxiety, etc. which I'm certain are related to our messy litigious divorce which began 6 years ago. Things had calmed down significantly over the past 2 years. My 2 older girls do complain a great deal about their father's house and always have. I realize I cannot control what goes on over there so my strategy has been to arm them w/ knowledge in how to deal with certain situations versus calling me crying, texting, etc. It seems to have worked well with 2 of them but my oldest (14) absolutely struggles. She began cutting herself awhile back; it took awhile before I noticed because she hid it well.
Last March, when it was time to return to her dad's after a visitation with me, she refused to go. Based on her reasons, which I found to be valid, I didn't force her. She is going into high school and I feel she should have *some* say in these types of decisions. Her father was upset but really didn't pursue the issue. It was suggested by my paralegal that I file a motion requesting that my daughter be allowed some say w/ regard to visitation (basically, she couldn't be forced to go and he couldn't come to my house w/ the police at 11:00 at night waving a custody ordering & pulling kids out of bed, which he had done on prior occasions) I didn't seek any changes w/ regard to legal or even physical (so he wouldn't look at it as a child support issue and freak out)
Meanwhile, while in my care, 14 year old was improving emotionally, STOPPED cutting, was attending church and really focusing on her faith, school work, friendships, etc. Things were going well. She would see her dad occasionally at my urging (go have dinner with him, go to the park w/ your borther & sister & dad, etc.) My ex didn't like the motion I'd requested and retailiated by asking for 100% legal/physical custody to himself w/ no visitation to me. There really was no basis for this request other than anger & revenge.
We end up in mediation. Mediator shoots everyone down. No change in custody, 14 year old will be forced to visit w/ dad. She went back with him when the summer ended. (I have them fulltime during the summer) Ex has new girlfriend heavy into party scene (tattooed forehead & entire body, bullring piercings, lip & eye, pink hair - going out evey night) she has a history of being really awful to the kids (calling them little *******s, telling them she wants to sock them in the face plus she drinks like a fish) In turn, ex has began to drink heavily again, possibly doing drugs (heard from another source), loud sex during the day with my children & their friends present, house is filthy (rotting food everywhere, ants, mess, kids dont have beds - mattresses on floor), generally neglectful - rarely comes out of his room. Retreats w/ a case of beer, bottle of vodka & carton of cigarettes. I could go on & on.
My daughter slips back into depression and the crying phonecalls, texts start again and being that it is his custodial time, there is nothing I can do.
Last week, he had been drinking, was furious over something they'd apparently done? not sure what, came in my girls room, ripped television set out of wall, threw it toward them, smashed their stuff, picked it up again & hurled off balcony. (Im told this is the THIRD time he has done this) I received a phonecall from my middle daughter, hysterical, hiding in closet crying. he was pissed at my oldest. Had her in the hallway for an hour + with her nose in the corner denying her right to go to bathroom or contact me (against custody agreement) stomping around being scary & a jerk. I called in an anonymous welfare check to the police as I was scared for them. Police went out, kids said they were blown off, officer joking around w/ ex & left. Daughter wrote a suicide note. Went & showed her dad and begged to call me. He gave her 5 minutes to talk while he stood over her. She told me she was going to put a gun to her head. I got her calmed down, I think & convinced her to go to sleep.
The next day, she ran away after school. She was later located at the church where she had gone to pray & talk to her pastor (not that running away is okay..) Ex located her eventually and drug her out of the church. Church being mandated, called police & reported. Police NEVER went & checked the house. They di, however, call my ex & ask "How are the kids?" He said "Fine, my oldest is drama, yada, yada. They accepted that & closed the file. My ex was furious with her for talking to her Pastor. Was screaming, yelling, throwing food at her, pushed her, took her phone away. She proceeded to mutilate her thighs, stomach & arms in frustration. She went to her school psychologist the next day who escalated the matter to the county (as she scored a 9/10 on a suicidal ideation evaluation) I took her to the county to be evaluated & they got CPS involved. CPS opens investigation.
I spoke w/ supervisor at CPS who advised me to file for an ex parte TRO to protect my daughter as my ex has a loaded gun in the house and doesn't seem to have any regard for her mental health. Despite the fact that it wasn't my custodial day, I elected to keep her overnight again setting him off. I advised him that CPS had told me to do so, although only verbally. I realized I would be cited for not complying w/ the custody agreement but I truly believed her life/health depended on it so I was willing to take the hit. This was on a Thursday. It was my weekend, so I waited to file for TRO as I wanted to gather a statement from the Pastor & some other evidence.
Ex called school today & attempted have her pulled out 10 minutes early so that he could take her and she wouldnt be there when I went to pick up. She called me in an absolute panic. The teacher held her and I went & got her. I currently have her at a relatives house so she is safe. Otherwise, he would stalk my home, have the police out, etc. and honestly, I'm afraid of him.
I realize this is a ton of backstory. I need to go down tomorrow & file for the exparte. My question is how much evidence do I include?
- I have photos from Facebook of him pea****ing with a handgun (admitting he's drunk & its loaded and had been accidentally "misplaced" for 6 months..oops and LOL..)
- I have the report from the county stating she self injures & is suicide risk - no mention of her father
- a letter from the school psychologist stating she is in terrible shape emptionally, self harming and a suicide risk.
- Kaiser refuses to do letter for anyone but when I took her in, the therapist said directly "The restaining order should be made permanent. He is a trigger for her and very dangerous" but I can't get anything stating this. Can I just mention it?
- Am I taking it too far to include photos of him & his girlfriend? They look incredibly scary and menacing
What are the key points that will get the TRO granted? I feel she is a danger to herslf when she is at his house. The goal is for her to not have to go over there. Do I seek 100% physical/legal?
Finally, I have my two other children. His house is a crap environment but my goal isnt to take his kids away forever. Kids need 2 parents. I need him to clean up his act. They seem to deal with it a little better than my 14 year old. Should I be including them as protected parties in the TRO or only my oldest daughter because she is an immediate suicide risk?
Thanks for reading my long story. I need to know exactly what it will take to get this restraining order granted without putting the judge off by going overboard.
I share equally physical/legal custody of my 3 children w my ex-husband. My oldest daughter has had a great deal of emotional issues, depression, anxiety, etc. which I'm certain are related to our messy litigious divorce which began 6 years ago. Things had calmed down significantly over the past 2 years. My 2 older girls do complain a great deal about their father's house and always have. I realize I cannot control what goes on over there so my strategy has been to arm them w/ knowledge in how to deal with certain situations versus calling me crying, texting, etc. It seems to have worked well with 2 of them but my oldest (14) absolutely struggles. She began cutting herself awhile back; it took awhile before I noticed because she hid it well.
Last March, when it was time to return to her dad's after a visitation with me, she refused to go. Based on her reasons, which I found to be valid, I didn't force her. She is going into high school and I feel she should have *some* say in these types of decisions. Her father was upset but really didn't pursue the issue. It was suggested by my paralegal that I file a motion requesting that my daughter be allowed some say w/ regard to visitation (basically, she couldn't be forced to go and he couldn't come to my house w/ the police at 11:00 at night waving a custody ordering & pulling kids out of bed, which he had done on prior occasions) I didn't seek any changes w/ regard to legal or even physical (so he wouldn't look at it as a child support issue and freak out)
Meanwhile, while in my care, 14 year old was improving emotionally, STOPPED cutting, was attending church and really focusing on her faith, school work, friendships, etc. Things were going well. She would see her dad occasionally at my urging (go have dinner with him, go to the park w/ your borther & sister & dad, etc.) My ex didn't like the motion I'd requested and retailiated by asking for 100% legal/physical custody to himself w/ no visitation to me. There really was no basis for this request other than anger & revenge.
We end up in mediation. Mediator shoots everyone down. No change in custody, 14 year old will be forced to visit w/ dad. She went back with him when the summer ended. (I have them fulltime during the summer) Ex has new girlfriend heavy into party scene (tattooed forehead & entire body, bullring piercings, lip & eye, pink hair - going out evey night) she has a history of being really awful to the kids (calling them little *******s, telling them she wants to sock them in the face plus she drinks like a fish) In turn, ex has began to drink heavily again, possibly doing drugs (heard from another source), loud sex during the day with my children & their friends present, house is filthy (rotting food everywhere, ants, mess, kids dont have beds - mattresses on floor), generally neglectful - rarely comes out of his room. Retreats w/ a case of beer, bottle of vodka & carton of cigarettes. I could go on & on.
My daughter slips back into depression and the crying phonecalls, texts start again and being that it is his custodial time, there is nothing I can do.
Last week, he had been drinking, was furious over something they'd apparently done? not sure what, came in my girls room, ripped television set out of wall, threw it toward them, smashed their stuff, picked it up again & hurled off balcony. (Im told this is the THIRD time he has done this) I received a phonecall from my middle daughter, hysterical, hiding in closet crying. he was pissed at my oldest. Had her in the hallway for an hour + with her nose in the corner denying her right to go to bathroom or contact me (against custody agreement) stomping around being scary & a jerk. I called in an anonymous welfare check to the police as I was scared for them. Police went out, kids said they were blown off, officer joking around w/ ex & left. Daughter wrote a suicide note. Went & showed her dad and begged to call me. He gave her 5 minutes to talk while he stood over her. She told me she was going to put a gun to her head. I got her calmed down, I think & convinced her to go to sleep.
The next day, she ran away after school. She was later located at the church where she had gone to pray & talk to her pastor (not that running away is okay..) Ex located her eventually and drug her out of the church. Church being mandated, called police & reported. Police NEVER went & checked the house. They di, however, call my ex & ask "How are the kids?" He said "Fine, my oldest is drama, yada, yada. They accepted that & closed the file. My ex was furious with her for talking to her Pastor. Was screaming, yelling, throwing food at her, pushed her, took her phone away. She proceeded to mutilate her thighs, stomach & arms in frustration. She went to her school psychologist the next day who escalated the matter to the county (as she scored a 9/10 on a suicidal ideation evaluation) I took her to the county to be evaluated & they got CPS involved. CPS opens investigation.
I spoke w/ supervisor at CPS who advised me to file for an ex parte TRO to protect my daughter as my ex has a loaded gun in the house and doesn't seem to have any regard for her mental health. Despite the fact that it wasn't my custodial day, I elected to keep her overnight again setting him off. I advised him that CPS had told me to do so, although only verbally. I realized I would be cited for not complying w/ the custody agreement but I truly believed her life/health depended on it so I was willing to take the hit. This was on a Thursday. It was my weekend, so I waited to file for TRO as I wanted to gather a statement from the Pastor & some other evidence.
Ex called school today & attempted have her pulled out 10 minutes early so that he could take her and she wouldnt be there when I went to pick up. She called me in an absolute panic. The teacher held her and I went & got her. I currently have her at a relatives house so she is safe. Otherwise, he would stalk my home, have the police out, etc. and honestly, I'm afraid of him.
I realize this is a ton of backstory. I need to go down tomorrow & file for the exparte. My question is how much evidence do I include?
- I have photos from Facebook of him pea****ing with a handgun (admitting he's drunk & its loaded and had been accidentally "misplaced" for 6 months..oops and LOL..)
- I have the report from the county stating she self injures & is suicide risk - no mention of her father
- a letter from the school psychologist stating she is in terrible shape emptionally, self harming and a suicide risk.
- Kaiser refuses to do letter for anyone but when I took her in, the therapist said directly "The restaining order should be made permanent. He is a trigger for her and very dangerous" but I can't get anything stating this. Can I just mention it?
- Am I taking it too far to include photos of him & his girlfriend? They look incredibly scary and menacing
What are the key points that will get the TRO granted? I feel she is a danger to herslf when she is at his house. The goal is for her to not have to go over there. Do I seek 100% physical/legal?
Finally, I have my two other children. His house is a crap environment but my goal isnt to take his kids away forever. Kids need 2 parents. I need him to clean up his act. They seem to deal with it a little better than my 14 year old. Should I be including them as protected parties in the TRO or only my oldest daughter because she is an immediate suicide risk?
Thanks for reading my long story. I need to know exactly what it will take to get this restraining order granted without putting the judge off by going overboard.
Seriously? 
