First Steps

[Bgood2me]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

What are the first steps of a married woman that needs to get out?
This woman is unemployed and depends on this creature for everything. The child is not his.
This woman has an excellent resume and at one time was able to be on her own. This creature has successfully broke her spirit and finds it hard to proceed. Mom suffers from PTSD from abuse suffered in her childhood.
Can she get $2,500 to leave?
Married 11/11/11
Husband owns home and wife wants nothing but $2,500 for gas and U-Haul to leave.

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

What are the first steps of a married woman that needs to get out?
This woman is unemployed and depends on this creature for everything. The child is not his.
This woman has an excellent resume and at one time was able to be on her own. This creature has successfully broke her spirit and finds it hard to proceed. Mom suffers from PTSD from abuse suffered in her childhood.
Can she get $2,500 to leave?
Married 11/11/11
Husband owns home and wife wants nothing but $2,500 for gas and U-Haul to leave.

This woman made a lot of poor choices in her life - and "this creature", her HUSBAND, was one of them. This woman made the decision to stay, despite whatever alleged abuse her HUSBAND has inflicted upon her.

Whether or not she can get $2,500 to leave isn't up to us. And very likely, her HUSBAND won't just give it to her, either. And it certainly doesn't cost $2,500 for gas or to rent a U-Haul, either.

She wouldn't be the first woman in an abusive relationship that was forced to abandon her marriage with nothing but the clothes on her back. I would suggest that she contact the local women's shelters to try and find emergency shelter for her and her child. She should also be speaking with a divorce attorney who can assist her in filing right away. I wouldn't count on any money from the HUSBAND anytime soon, as it doesn't sound like he'd be willing to give anything up easily or voluntarily without an order from the court.

 

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

What are the first steps of a married woman that needs to get out?
This woman is unemployed and depends on this creature for everything. The child is not his.
This woman has an excellent resume and at one time was able to be on her own. This creature has successfully broke her spirit and finds it hard to proceed. Mom suffers from PTSD from abuse suffered in her childhood.
Can she get $2,500 to leave?
Married 11/11/11
Husband owns home and wife wants nothing but $2,500 for gas and U-Haul to leave.

local women's shelter may be an option.
if she is to the point where all she wants is out, then pack a bag--head to a friend's house and figure it out from there.

Is there physical abuse? If so, is there any police record of it? Any medical records where she sought treatment for injuries?

She should start trying to save a little money as she can, have a small bag packed and ready to go, have a plan.
If possible she should do any internet searches for information on a library, public use computer. Or be careful and clear her history/cookies on any personal computers she may use that the other party has access to.
Does she have any confidants in church (if she belongs to one)?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

What are the first steps of a married woman that needs to get out?
This woman is unemployed and depends on this creature for everything. The child is not his.
This woman has an excellent resume and at one time was able to be on her own. This creature has successfully broke her spirit and finds it hard to proceed. Mom suffers from PTSD from abuse suffered in her childhood.
Can she get $2,500 to leave?
Married 11/11/11
Husband owns home and wife wants nothing but $2,500 for gas and U-Haul to leave.

Its not quite that simple. Depending upon marital assets (assets accrued during the marriage) she might get more or less than that. However that may not happen until the very end of the divorce process.

What I suggest that she do is dust off that resume, get a job, and save the money she needs to move, whether the husband likes it or not.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Did she marry a man or a creature. Like Belle, the second can involve claims of bestiality. If it is a man, she is free to get a job and move to a homeless shelter.

 

[Ladyback1]

Honestly? All the advice and even $2500 won't be helpful, until/unless the woman makes up her mind that she is not a "victim". And until she makes THAT first step, nothing else really matters.

Please understand, I am not trying to be harsh. I am speaking from experience!

 

[Antigone*]

Who the heck is this creature, posing these questions and how does this situation involve it?

 

[aardvarc]

And, if the child is not his, please tell us that she did pursue child support from the father.

As others have noted, it's not an easy process. And, if there is violence occurring within the relationship, odds are that it'll get worse before it gets better. Statistically, the majority of women stalked, attacked, and killed by their ex's faced that violence AFTER leaving. That's why safety planning is SO important. It's not just as easy as walking out the door and never looking back. It's walking out the door and keeping vigil over your shoulder.

Make sure to make use of your local resources, and to DOCUMENT any violence that occurs - by calling police, by getting medical care and 3rd party documentation of injuries, etc. You can also contact your local domestic violence program to seek help with injunctions, legal aid referrals, and safety planning (ESPECIALLY SAFETY PLANNING).

Here is a "starter" of a safety plan, to get you thinking:

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/plan.shtml


But you are ALWAYS better off speaking to your LOCAL advocates to see what additional support may be available in your area (personal safety alarms, security services for a residence - different places have different services).