forgiving someone who assaulted you

[forgiveforget]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? virginia. my boyfriend of 2 years is on probation for assault on me back in july 2009. he is currently enrolled court order fresh start or anger management class. he assaulted me last weekend and i press charges again. i wrote 3 page report in detail of how he strangle me 3 times that nite. he is currently in jail on $10000 bond which no one he knows can afford. we have spoke on phone and i am consider taking him back because he is very sincere and sorry about what he did. back in july i never got subpena about court date and i missed court. he was fined, few day jail and has to attend those classes. i made report back then to. what will happen if i dont go to court? i got subpena which was left on door. i never signed for it. how could i be in contempt court if they got written statement and no proof of me receive subpena?this is his3rd offense for this. do you know how much jail time he facing? is anything i can do to help him now to keep out of jail?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[cyjeff]

If I understand your story correctly, a man was imprisoned last July for attacking you.

This weekend, he tried to strangle you three times.

This is now his THIRD charge of the same crime.

However, you say he is very sincere that this will be the last time he is going to physically attack you and you want to know how to enable him to walk free?

You need to get some counseling. This man is one angry tantrum away from killing you and you think that THIS time he is really sorry.

He is a serial abuser, and you are enabling him.

The best thing for your safety would be if he was locked up for a very long time.

He will be. Roughly 75% of all DV victims recant their testimony. At least here the police have your three page diatribe as to what happened.

Don't expect him home any time soon.

 

[stealth2]

Ditto what jeff said. Get some serious therapy and allow him to face the consequences of his actions. He WILL do it again.

 

[commentator]

Yes, they're VERY good, aren't they? Intoxicating, how they can be SOOOO sorry, how you really have hope that this time, it will stop. This time, it will be like you want it to be, that you'll be together, but the abuse will stop. Please, forget it's all about this man, who's using every persuasive power he's got in the world to manipulate you right now. Please realize that the court system has seen this man in various forms again and again. Please realize that what you are doing through your psychological addiction to this man is tantamount to a slow horrible way to commit suicide (Please come back and I'll do better, or you can kill me next time, please...) This time he'll probably try to have a baby with you before the next incident, so he'll really have a hold on you, you'll be more trapped, he has someone else he can use to threaten and abuse you.

Please get counseling while he is spending time away from you by force.

 

[frylover]

Ditto, ditto, ditto.

OP, you desever better than this. He's not sorry he hurt you, he's only sorry he's getting busted for it. And he won't stop. He'll keep on, in part because you have shown him he can treat you however he wants and you will let him back in your life. And he very likely will kill you in the end.

 

[TigerD]

is anything i can do to help him now to keep out of jail?

If he doesn't go to jail, he will probably kill you.

DC

 

[ErinGoBragh]

Divorce Source: Virginia Domestic Violence Shelters

A list of VA domestic abuse shelters.

PLEASE call one of them.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Just a thought here:

Forgiveforget: your pseudo says a lot. In your case, forgiveness is divine. But to FORGET is foolish and could end up costing you your life.
Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. Make your own life, BY YOURSELF FOR YOURSELF . Being by yourself isn't easy at first. But you'll find you're stronger than you know. AND you can take pride in knowing that you've come from hard times and FLOURISHED in the face of adversity.
Take it from someone who knows and has been there. You are better off cutting your losses now, growing and learning for the next time your heartstrings are pulled. This man DOESN'T DESERVE YOU.

 

[AkersTile]

Ditto to absolutely everything said on this thread. OP PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get help. He is not going to change. Be strong and move on and make a life for yourself. You do not deserve to be treated like that.

 

[Hot Topic]

As everyone else suggests, get help. There's part of you that welcomes the abuse because you think you deserve it. You need someone to tell you that you don't.

 

[RRevak]

To mirror everyone else here...RUN! Far FAR away and forget this man ever existed! Yes i'm sure he's VERY sorry right now (mostly because his bum is in jail and facing a much longer period of time in jail), yes i'm sure you very much want to believe him and somewhere inside you i'm sure you do...BUT...as an ex to an abuser I can personally tell you that it wont stop EVER. It may dull for a period of time but it ALWAYS happens again and it almost ALWAYS GETS WORSE! At first my ex used to push me when he was angry. Into the wall mostly but just a solid push...at first. Then it started to escalate. When he smashed out my car windshield (with my then 2 1/2yr old daughter IN THE BACK SEAT!) as I was attempting to drive away from yet another of his angry rants, I left for the first time and was gone for a month. He called nearly every day telling me how sorry he was, how he missed me and our daughter, how he realized what a horrible thing it was for him to do and that he would NEVER do it again (he swore!). Three months later (after I of course took him back) he put me in the emergency room with 27 stitches in my face, a concussion, and 2 bruised ribs. All of this while my daughter slept in the other room. Thats when I left and never came back. He still tried to tell me how sorry he was, still tried to make it "all better" but I knew that wouldnt ever happen.

People like that dont stop. They only get worse. Please get yourself either some counseling or at least some REALLY supportive friends and family members who can help you through this but really, dont let this scum bag get a free ride for being the worthless abuser he is!

 

[Finished2010]

Just have to say it even though it was said before. They are always sorry when they are in jail and sometimes when they are not. The fact that this has happened before shows that he is always sorry after the fact, as you wouldn't have taken him back without some sort of apology. Im sure you miss him, Im sure you love him. Question: how much do you have to love someone to strangle them. Answer: you dont love them

Leave him to his punishment, if you take him back and he hurts you it is as much your fault as it is his. My mother told me this as a teenager "Hurt me once, shame on you, Hurt me twice shame on me"

You have to stop it now or else it can and may well continue for 20 years or more or until he doesn't let go of your neck. Value yourself more than you value this "relationship" People that love you dont attack you, once ok maybe they wont do it again, but 3 times?? You came here for advice and you have gotten the same response from many people, leave, run move whatever but DONT take him back and LET him sit in jail!!!

 

[14gamess]

I totally know what you are going through. The 2nd to last time my ex assaulted me, he tried to strangle me also. Like an idiot, I took him back. The last time he assaulted me, I ended up in the ICU with a brain hemorrhage. I am very lucky to be alive today. Please get away while you can! It will only get worse! I can imagine how low your self-esteem is right now, but if you get out of this relationship and start doing things for yourself, you self-esteem will soar! Please trust me on this one! Good luck!