Help DV case against me

[AGoodFella]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

Hello,
Recently, me and my spouse have had a lot of stress on both of us, financially and otherwise. The other day, I went upstairs to see if my wife and our 3yr old wanted to go swimming (it was 95 degrees that day here in Michigan)... but my wife was in a bad mood, she was instructing our daughter to clean up... I tried to ease the situation because our daughter listens to me, because I give her a carrot/stick approach... I tell her if you pick up your toys we can go swimming... my wife continues riding her with you do what I say, pick up your toys now because I said so... well I not thinking before opening my mouth tell my wife instead of telling her to pick up her toys, why don't you pick up your clothes (which happened to be all over the floor). Well I opened up a whole can of worms with that... obviously. She started screaming at me in my face and walked a couple paces away, then she came back at me (I was standing in the doorway to my daughters room) she tells me get the h out of her way and shoves me... in the process of me turning around and keeping my balance she says I elbowed her... she continues ranting at me and I was getting heated admittedly I said some things to her, things escalated, while she had me cornered between my daughter who is getting upset, and I want to get out but she is in the doorway... she gets about 4 inches from my face and spits in my face.... my immediate reaction I slapped her (mind you, I had enough control to stop myself from applying any kind of force but my hand did hit her face, and I realize no matter what I should have just walked away). I have never hit my wife previously, I really do Love her, and my family is my life. we said a few more words, and retreated.

Coincidently, her mother walked in the door about 5 minutes after our fight... my wife was still upset, and I was sulking. They had a conversation, and her mother left. About an hour later my wife came to me as if nothing had happened, and was asking me for help with something... I was suprised... I wondered where where the "we need to talk" sessions... that came later after I denied to help her after what we just went through.

So between the hours of 7-10 she approached me to talk about 3 times, I refused, and the final time she came to me she asked if we should just get a divorce... a loaded question, I said whatever I guess so yes. I didn't mean it... but this prompted her to "sneak out", she left me a note saying she would be back for her things...

About a half hour later, 3 police officers came to my door. They asked for "my side of the story" I told them what happened. They were hell-bent on arresting me it was obvious because of their comments... such as ... so you think you're a tough guy and other demeaning things.

They placed cuffs on my hands, put me in the squad car, and never read me my rights. Upon arrival at the police station they placed my in solitary cell and didn't speak to me or book me until around 6am. Later a detective came to get a statement and I requested a lawyer (I still have not had council as of yet).

Later that day, the detective drove me to the courthouse for arraignment. Mind you this is my first offense so I'm pretty scared right now. The judge heard my case in short order, The detective goes on to tell the judge a completely perverted version of what happened, I went at her, shoved her in to the closet causing her to fall over and grab on to me, after which she spat on me and I backhanded her... however I was still released on personal bond with the requirement that I do not have contact with my wife, or go home without police presence.

I feel like they are setting me up for failure... as it turns out my pre-trial date is not until September 19th!

My wife has contacted me, she is regretful, and we have reconciled... actually this whole episode has broke down a lot walls between us...

She has contacted the detective, and the prosecuting attorney requesting the charges be dropped... they refuse, and keep prompting her to get me to plead guilty and that my record could be wiped after a year of probation and anger management classes...

Meanwhile, we are not to have contact (or I risk being in contempt)... which is more punishment to both of us who are struggling financially, and who have not spent a night apart sense we met 8 years ago (we have been married for 6).

We had a bad moment, it was not our first argument but it was about the worst I've ever experienced. I believe if I had just talked to her when she requested, she would have never filed in the first place...


I don't have any idea what I can do to move on from this... I don't feel like justice is being served at all... I am not a abusive/violent person.

Is there anything we can do to have this restriction dropped? Is it really in my best interests to plead guilty? She has no intention of testifying against me... all they have is a signed statement from her... she had absolutely no marks on her or injuries.

I have spoke to the detective and he says I can be allowed to return home as long as she lives elsewhere. I work from home so this was really going to kill us if I could not go home to work. Still I miss my family, I have not seen my daughter for 3 days and its ripping my heart out. Everyone has assumed the worst about me and I can't tell you how embarrassed and hurt I feel.

We cannot afford good representation, or any really... I can't believe how far this has gone and the stubbornness of the prosecution. I understand that there are some nut cases out there (recently a man killed his wife, spread her remains in a nearby state park)... so they are treating my case harshly for their own political reasons.

I hope someone out there who has dealt with this can give me some real advice, how to proceed, if its even possible to defend myself?

Please help!

[CJane]

Originally Posted by AGoodFella

My wife has contacted me, she is regretful, and we have reconciled... actually this whole episode has broke down a lot walls between us...

If there is a NO CONTACT order, you need to have NO CONTACT with her. You risk a revocation of your bond.

She has contacted the detective, and the prosecuting attorney requesting the charges be dropped... they refuse, and keep prompting her to get me to plead guilty and that my record could be wiped after a year of probation and anger management classes...

Because most abused women do the EXACT SAME THING.

Meanwhile, we are not to have contact (or I risk being in contempt)... which is more punishment to both of us who are struggling financially, and who have not spent a night apart sense we met 8 years ago (we have been married for 6).

Probably should have thought about that before you hit her.

We had a bad moment, it was not our first argument but it was about the worst I've ever experienced. I believe if I had just talked to her when she requested, she would have never filed in the first place...

Probably... a woman scorned and all that.

I don't have any idea what I can do to move on from this... I don't feel like justice is being served at all...

Pray for a diversion.

I am not a abusive/violent person.

From your post, it actually sounds like BOTH of you are abusive AND violent. And in front of a child, no less.

Is there anything we can do to have this restriction dropped?

No.

Is it really in my best interests to plead guilty?

Well, you ARE guilty. You admitted as much.

She has no intention of testifying against me... all they have is a signed statement from her... she had absolutely no marks on her or injuries.

A signed statement is more than enough - along with you being honest on the stand. You don't intend to lie, do you?

Still I miss my family, I have not seen my daughter for 3 days and its ripping my heart out. Everyone has assumed the worst about me and I can't tell you how embarrassed and hurt I feel.

How hurt do you suppose that little girl is, watching her parents behave in such a deplorable manner? What do you suppose you taught her about whether or not it's ok for her husband/boyfriend/whatever to hit HER someday just because he's 'stressed out'?

[AGoodFella]

I suppose in a perfect world noone ever make any mistakes...

But I have been forthcoming an honest, all I want is a little bit of compassion and perhaps some advice. Not everyone is as evil as you presume.

We plan on seeking marital consoling but I have no idea how we are supposed to do that with this court order. My wife and I love each other, again, I believe they are just setting us up for failure. A piece of paper is not going to keep us apart... she does not want to be away from me, nor I her. How do I tell her to just go away...

Throwing me in jail would effectively destroy our lives... is that justice?

[CJane]

Originally Posted by AGoodFella

I suppose in a perfect world noone ever make any mistakes...

But I have been forthcoming an honest, all I want is a little bit of compassion and perhaps some advice. Not everyone is as evil as you presume.

Well, I can hold your hand and pat you on the head and tell you everything is going to be alright, or I can give you legal advice - which you're probably not going to like.

We plan on seeking marital consoling but I have no idea how we are supposed to do that with this court order.

You don't until the order is lifted.

My wife and I love each other, again, I believe they are just setting us up for failure. A piece of paper is not going to keep us apart... she does not want to be away from me, nor I her. How do I tell her to just go away...

Throwing me in jail would effectively destroy our lives... is that justice?

Yes. Justice is served when people face the consequences for their actions. Particularly when those actions are a DIRECT and INTENTIONAL violation of law, which is what continued contact with your wife is.

You could be charged with tampering with a witness, contempt, have your bail revoked, have any hope of a diversionary program thrown out (which guarantees jail time) etc.

You are CHOOSING to engage in behaviors that logically could result in a consequence (jail) that you claim will destroy your life and the life of the wife and child you supposedly love - and you want compassion?

Go talk to Dr. Phil.

[Shay-Pari'e]

[quote=AGoodFella;1685612]I suppose in a perfect world noone ever make any mistakes...

But I have been forthcoming an honest, all I want is a little bit of compassion and perhaps some advice. Not everyone is as evil as you presume.

You hit the mother of your child in front of your child. You all need therapy, or a divorce.

We plan on seeking marital consoling but I have no idea how we are supposed to do that with this court order. My wife and I love each other, again, I believe they are just setting us up for failure. A piece of paper is not going to keep us apart.

..

You are in for a world of hurt if you do not follow the order. You are abusive and so is your wife. You have left a three year old little girl with some tramatic memories.

she does not want to be away from me, nor I her. How do I tell her to just go away...

Most abused women do that.

Throwing me in jail would effectively destroy our lives... is that justice

?]Whatever keeps you from doing this again in front of a three year old child.

[AGoodFella]

In my response to you both, this is not what I want for my child, she is my life. I love her so much it hurts. I myself have been through so much in my life, I was born to an unwed mother, 16 years old, ... well to say that I've witnessed abuse my whole life would be an understatement. My mother is also a certified Paranoid Schizophrenic...

My wife was my saving grace. And when I say that what happened that day was not as bad as it sounds, it is with that perspective. I don't know why I am trying to justify what happened, surely it is stupid of me to expect any sympathy from random people. I don't expect any, but I do need real legal advice. Not the advice that the detective gives me which is surely only to make his life easier.

I know that seeing her was a violation, I don't know how to live without her. But she is staying with her parents... I am trying to convince her that I will go to jail if she comes here, but she won't stay away.

Perhaps I deserve this though I know in my heart that I am a good person, you don't know me (you are protracting). My intentions have never been to hurt anyone... especially not my daughter.

I don't know who you are, or why you are treating me like this. Do you think its helpful?

I didn't mention my daughter will be turning three in a few weeks... we were planning a birthday party now I don't know what we can do for her. She doesn't diserve to be punished because her parents acted like idiots.

You know I think that all people are capable of both great acts of kindness, and great acts of evil... given any circumstance its hard to know how you'd react. Even harder to know how others will percieve your actions... with the best of intentions that day my whole life was turned on its head over 2 minutes of bad decision making.

I'm trying to make things right, but I don't feel like I'm be giving a fair shake, not even here.

[LdiJ]

I am going to paraphrase what happened to you, so you can see it from an outsider's perspective:

You seriously undermined your wife when she was attempting to discipline your daughter. When she got upset about that you became insuling to her (telling her to pick up her clothes), when that made her even angrier, you became verbally abusive.

You finally said something bad enough that she spit at you, you then became physically abusive. Instead of being horrified by what you did, and immediately apologizing, you said a few more harsh words and then sulked for three hours.

You knew that her mother came to the house, so you knew that her mother would be aware of the incident. You continued to sulk instead of apologizing, refused to communicate with your wife, and then finally said that yeah, you wanted a divorce.

Of course your wife left, and of course her parents talked her into calling the police. Based on nothing more than the fact that you sulked instead of apologizing, which meant that at the time you clearly had NO remorse...her parents would have assumed that it wasn't safe for her to be there.

That is what is going to hurt you the most here in my opinion....by your own words you admit that at the time the incident happened you had no remorse.

[CJane]

AND you're violating a direct order of the court.

Bleh.

Seriously, could this relationship BE any more co-dependent? "I don't know how to live without her" ... "I love her so much it hurts"... "it's so UNFAIR!' ... "It's really not as bad as it sounds" ... "It's because I was stressed out" ... "it's not my fault!" ... "well, it's totally my fault, but I'm sorry and stuff" ... "you don't UNDERSTAND!" ... "it's ok that I hit my wife in front of my kid because I love them both" ... "Everyone is so MEAN to me."

You broke the law.
You're continuing to break the law.
You committed an act of violence against your WIFE
You committed an act of violence in front of your CHILD
You are GUILTY OF A CRIME
You are CONTINUING TO COMMIT A CRIME
You SHOULD go to jail
Your wife SHOULD divorce you

But that's ok. I know how these things play out. You're a first time offender, so you'll get a diversion. She'll move back in and you'll be all happy and stuff. Your daughter will always wonder when you'll haul off and smack her just because you're angry... your wife will know that all she has to do is push your buttons just right and she can get you to hit her - so she'll start with the passive-aggressive crap pretending to 'love you anyway' while holding the incident over your head, and then occasionally pushing you til you 'can't help it' and you smack her... she wins either way.

Have fun with that. You'd be better off in jail.

[AGoodFella]

Originally Posted by CJane

But that's ok. I know how these things play out. You're a first time offender, so you'll get a diversion. She'll move back in and you'll be all happy and stuff. Your daughter will always wonder when you'll haul off and smack her just because you're angry... your wife will know that all she has to do is push your buttons just right and she can get you to hit her - so she'll start with the passive-aggressive crap pretending to 'love you anyway' while holding the incident over your head, and then occasionally pushing you til you 'can't help it' and you smack her... she wins either way.

Have fun with that. You'd be better off in jail.

I'm pretty certain I could go on living my entire life without spending another second restrained ... If I were ever a danger to anyone, it would be toward myself. How you could you go on to say I am better off in jail .. I guess this is just how you communicate. I already know you think I'm a piece of garbage... you've made that abundantly clear.

Anyways, you do make some valid points believe me I've thought about all of this... and it does scare me. I know I will never let it go that far again... if she infuriates me so much, I know I am better off without her. It is my child whom I spoke of when I said I love her so much it hurts.

I am trying to keep my wife from coming to me, but she has continued to call and leave text messages. I was able to see my daughter finally, I can't tell you how much better I feel with her here.

To the other poster, you failed to address that my wife was the aggressor. I did not want to go in to it but it is not the first time I've experienced her physical violence... it is the first time I've retaliated. I don't know what it is about me that ever allowed myself to stay with her... the first incident occurred when we just began dating. She said she was playing, but she bit in to my arm, and would not let go...it left a bad bruise... I drove her home,,, and she apologized the whole way. I guess I was blinded by her beauty... and believe me, she was.

The second incident she kicked a hole in my mothers wall. The third, I was laying on the couch holding our 3 month old daughter... she smacked me on the head... believe me I was going to leave her many times. Love is one compelling emotion.

I should mention my wife has a some physical female problems, so she has been on pain killers, and god knows how many different hormones her doctor has her on. She has a whole shelf of medications.

She also was brought up in a very sheltered life... her parents live on church property... she went to this small baptist church as school her whole life. They sent her to a Christian college and she dropped out. She has this sense of entitlement and lately with things being as they are financially she blames me for it (Michigans economy has been in the chitter for a while now, unfortunately it relates to our position).

But I suppose a lot of the problem is me... my mother was abusive... and honestly I've seen so many women act violently in my life that I just think its a condition that goes with them in general.

My first real "love" tried to commit suicide 2 times when we were together... I was not there either time ... it happened because of issues with her mother (who was a lesbian). Her mother also spent time in a mental facility.

A good friend of mine's mother underwent shock treatment for her "voices" and depression.

My mother was also institutionalized for a time, and is now living among us with her drugs in tow... occasionally she tries to come off her meds, because you know the voices are real, we just don't understand... when God talks to her everything is great... its when the Demons speak to her is when we all better look out.

I dated a girl who stalked me for a time after I found out she was bi-polar ... she was a great person while the Valiums were in her.

My best friend just left his live-in girlfriend who was cool... while she had her Prozac and Vicodins.

My aunt (by marriage in case you are inferring its in my blood) made national news a few years ago for shooting my cousin in the groin, after he told her the gun was loaded. Her excuse was she didn't know it was a real gun. She's not on any drugs that I'm aware of.


Anyways... it figures it would be me to take the fall for this... This has been my life in a nutshell. Anyone have Dr Phil's number ???

In any case I really don't want to get a divorce... I don't want my kid to go through what I went through as a kid. I just know that my wife will be used and abused by others, she will become more and more like the other women I've known... my daughter will be irreversibly harmed by it. If I have to grin and bear the situation its for my daughter, and for the sake of my wife's and my own sanity. I have always tried to be a stabilizing force, but seems that I have failed miserably.

[>Charlotte<]

Ever hear of Occam's Razor? Now it's about lesbian mothers and holes in walls and teen pregnancies and old suicidal girlfriends.....what in the world are you talking about?

You're spending an awful lot of time explaining why it happened, but right now a good deal of your life and your future is in the hands of people who aren't really interested in why it happened. Whether she bit you and punched a hole in your mother's wall or bit the wall and punched a hole in your mother has no bearing on the fact that you slapped her, she called the police, and you have been ordered to have no contact with your wife.

Instead of going off on a tangent about your aunt who doesn't know the difference between a water pistol and a Glock, you need to understand the sheer simplicity of your current situation. You did "A". Therefore, "B" happened. You were ordered to do "C", but instead you're doing "D". If you don't straighten up and fly right, I can almost guarantee "E" is gonna really suck for you.

Edited to add: No, forget "almost". I can guarantee it.

[AGoodFella]

You are right of course... I'm just babbling on. These are the things running through my head, of course I don't want things to get worse.

I can't help but think the order in itself is only there to make things worse. To set us up to fail.

The detective on the car ride to the courthouse told me that I was to have no contact and I'd be released on a personal bond, but its not going to be more then a few days until pre-trial. So when I got the papers and the pre-trial was not until a month and a half I was exasperated.

I'm not against whatever punishment is coming my way... I simply want a just end to this. I don't want to be framed as one of these control freak-wife-beaters ... The detective made it clear in his disposition that he's going to press on as such.

This gives me an internal conflict, because the crime as he described it, was not as it happened. How do I plead guilty to this. I thought that maybe by going to trial, the burden of proof is on the prosecution as its supposed to be (innocent until PROVEN guilty)... so with no witness, what evidence do they have other then the affidavit? Is it not in their best interest to avoid a trial? How is it then also in my best interest? I can not be compelled to testify against myself, nor can my wife be compelled. I'm not making up the fact that I was never read my Miranda rights... is this not a violation of procedure? If I do go to trial, what is the likelihood that they will throw the book at me if found guilty? Given that its my first offense, would not a "diversion" be in order regardless? So then, what is gained by pleading guilty/no contest?

I'm trying to get answers to these questions, not so that I can try and avoid punishment, but so that real justice is served. Not simply the interests of the PA/Detective/Powers that be.

[>Charlotte<]

I can't help but think the order in itself is only there to make things worse. To set us up to fail.

Well, it's not. It's set up because you have demonstrated a willingness to physically assault your wife and they don't want you to intimidate or harass her prior to the trial.

So when I got the papers and the pre-trial was not until a month and a half I was exasperated.

"Exasperation" is not a valid reason to defy the order.

I don't want to be framed as one of these control freak-wife-beaters

You're not being framed as one of these control freak wife beaters. You're being prosecuted as someone who hit his wife.

The crime as he described it, was not as it happened.

Then construct your defense as such.

The burden of proof is on the prosecution as its supposed to be (innocent until PROVEN guilty)... so with no witness, what evidence do they have other then the affidavit?

Well, there's the affidavit. And the police who responded to the call. And the knowledge that one of two things happened: either you did hit your wife and she called the police, or you didn't hit your wife and she filed a false report. The latter might not work out very well for her.

I'm not making up the fact that I was never read my Miranda rights... is this not a violation of procedure?

Not necessarily, and I don't think I've ever read that question in this forum where the answer was "yes". The short version is: Miranda is only required prior to your being questioned.

If I do go to trial, what is the likelihood that they will throw the book at me if found guilty?

I have no idea what "throw the book at me" means. If found guilty, the likelihood that you will receive some sort of punishment is excellent. And not abiding by the "no contact" order is only going to make things worse. If you flagrantly violate that order you deserve what happens.

I'm trying to get answers to these questions, not so that I can try and avoid punishment, but so that real justice is served.

So, what do you think "real" justice is? That you apologize and promise to never do it again?

And by the way, in your first post you said...

The detective goes on to tell the judge a completely perverted version of what happened

Are you so sure the detective decided to just completely fabricate a story? Why? He sees cases like this all the time. What makes you so special that he'd go out of his way to lie? What makes you think that's not what your wife told him? Because she said so?

Bottom line: you committed violence against your wife in front of your child, and in further posts you go on to describe instances in which she committed violence against you, but now you'd have us believe that facing the legal consequences isn't "justice" because you really love each other. I guess you think that prosecution and/or punishment is for "other" people, not people like you. Well, think again. Hire an attorney, defend yourself, deal with what happens, and don't hit your wife anymore.

[AGoodFella]

Originally Posted by Clt747

they don't want you to intimidate or harass her prior to the trial.

Well its impossible them/you to know me as a person, however I would never think of such a thing.

Originally Posted by Clt747

"Exasperation" is not a valid reason to defy the order.

I never said it was... but there are valid reasons... such as WE HAVE CHILD TOGETHER. My daughter is here with me now, my wife can't call to talk to her even? Also, just the fact that we have mutual everything... bills, etc... these are things that require communication.

Originally Posted by Clt747

Well, there's the affidavit. And the police who responded to the call. And the knowledge that one of two things happened: either you did hit your wife and she called the police, or you didn't hit your wife and she filed a false report. The latter might not work out very well for her.

Yes... so there's reasonable doubt that one of two things happened... but no proof.

Originally Posted by Clt747

I have no idea what "throw the book at me" means. If found guilty, the likelihood that you will receive some sort of punishment is excellent. And not abiding by the "no contact" order is only going to make things worse. If you flagrantly violate that order you deserve what happens.

Well according to the charge the penalty is up to $5000/90 days or both. Neither of which is punishment fit the crime.

Originally Posted by Clt747

So, what do you think "real" justice is? That you apologize and promise to never do it again?

I sure wish it was that easy... I'm not naive. Court ordered consoling, perhaps probation.

Originally Posted by Clt747

Are you so sure the detective decided to just completely fabricate a story? Why? He sees cases like this all the time. What makes you so special that he'd go out of his way to lie? What makes you think that's not what your wife told him? Because she said so?

Its obviously impossible for me to know exactly what she told them, or even what she wrote down. All I know is I was there... and if you were to compare my contact with her to say, clapping your hands, it was even less then that. Obviously you had to be there to know, and the images that you might have I assure you are worse then what actually happened. As far as my daughter is concerned, she didn't see anything other then us arguing. And no matter what I say you will think its me trying to justify what happened. This is what happens when outsiders get involved in private lives. I'm not trying to justify it... I know that even reacting to her in that way was not appropriate. I'm supposed to be the man, and turn the other cheek. I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry for what happened, especially that my daughter was in the room. All I can hope is that the punishment is fit the crime.

Originally Posted by Clt747

Bottom line: you committed violence against your wife in front of your child, and in further posts you go on to describe instances in which she committed violence against you, but now you'd have us believe that facing the legal consequences isn't "justice" because you really love each other. I guess you think that prosecution and/or punishment is for "other" people, not people like you. Well, think again. Hire an attorney, defend yourself, deal with what happens, and don't hit your wife anymore.

I suppose I could hire an attorney with our rent money...

As for hitting her again, I'd sooner jump off a bridge.

[CJane]

Originally Posted by AGoodFella

Well its impossible them/you to know me as a person, however I would never think of such a thing.

Good. But the law isn't about YOU personally, it's about PEOPLE IN GENERAL. And since the judge doesn't know you, the judge has to assume that you're a danger to the person you assaulted.

I never said it was... but there are valid reasons... such as WE HAVE CHILD TOGETHER. My daughter is here with me now, my wife can't call to talk to her even? Also, just the fact that we have mutual everything... bills, etc... these are things that require communication.

Neither of those are valid reasons to violate a no contact order. Your wife is living with her parents. You can speak to them about visitation with the child, they can handle the transfers for visitation, and you pay the bills. No communication with your wife is required.

In fact, it's VERY likely that even if you're offered a diversion program, which is what you seem to be seeking, the No Contact Order will remain in effect until the program is completed (quite often 6 months to 1 year).

Yes... so there's reasonable doubt that one of two things happened... but no proof.

What's the second thing? She signed a sworn affidavit that you hit her. So you have two options - get on the stand and accuse her of filing a false report so that SHE can be charged with that crime and YOU can commit perjury. Or take the stand and admit you did it, which would be the truth and YOU could face the consequences for your actions. Or refuse to take the stand in your own defense and let her accusations stand uncontested which will result in a finding that you are guilty.

Or, you could plead No Contest and hope for a diversion. No Contest is NOT the same as a guilty plea.

Well according to the charge the penalty is up to $5000/90 days or both. Neither of which is punishment fit the crime.

It may not SEEM like it fits the crime because you're applying all of your justifications to the point where you're not looking at what happened as a crime at all. But it DOES fit the crime of striking another human being out of aggression (as opposed to self-defense). And that is the crime you committed - no one except you cares WHY you did it.

I sure wish it was that easy... I'm not naive. Court ordered consoling, perhaps probation.

Again. Hope for diversion - which will require a No Contest plea.

compare my contact with her to say, clapping your hands, it was even less then that.

Again, you don't seem to understand that NO ONE CARES what the contact was. The POINT is that there was contact AT ALL. PERIOD.

This is what happens when outsiders get involved in private lives.

Your life quit being private when your wife went to the police and claimed you assaulted her. Blame HER, not the system. The system has no choice but to get involved.

I'm not trying to justify it...

Yes. You are. Repeatedly.

All I can hope is that the punishment is fit the crime.

Sort of like you hitting her (punishment) fit HER crime (spitting on you)?

I suppose I could hire an attorney with our rent money...

Yeah, you probably should. Or request a public defender.

As for hitting her again, I'd sooner jump off a bridge.

I'll bet you would have said the same thing BEFORE you hit her too.

[Jadasmom69]

I am one to understand your situation, The laws are set up to protect people who are being abused, but the laws are also keeping family's apart that really love one another and want to work it out. Things happen were one time another someone loses there cool. Woman and i am one say things that can by not realizing it. Force a man to protect his person also. No i am not a abused woman in deniel. I have seen my brothers take a whole lot of hits and smacks just because there wifes are in control by the laws. So that they will be able to do these things to my brothers. They will not report it cause a man will feel stupid going and telling the police my wife hits me all the time. I don't think there is one person that can honestly say at one point in there life have not hit another person. We are human. We are not perfect. I can see if a person beats someone bad. They need jail time, or does this over and over. But in your case no. If you cannot control your temper a seperation is in order. You and she need to get help. So that this will not happen again.