History of abuse, bringing up old incidents>

[Hoosiermomof4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I am that woman who has "stayed b/c of the kids" and I am that woman who always gives him another chance. So please no flames, this is scary and hard for me and I'm an emotional wreck and praying I have the strength to follow through.

Married x 7 yrs, 2 children. History of abuse, physical few times, police called, reports made. He was arrested and charged twice, but both times after either bailed out or sitting in jail a day or two it was dropped. I would say that 99% is verbal/emotional. I am just not even admitting that this is a type of abuse. Name calling, anything from a jerk to a c**t, bi***, so on and so on, I've been spit on, told he hopes I die of aids, or get into a car crash. You get the picture, yes this has happened in front of the kids, usually always in front of kids.

I have filed before and dropped it twice b/c he swears things will get better. He's an alcoholic, drug abuser, back and forth w/ sobority and not.

Today I called legal aid to apply for assistance in filing for divorce again. We are living together and he's not working. He was getting unemployment but I think that's done. He refuses to look for work always citing that if he still lived in NY where he's from he could make 800 a week and here he can't make much (in NY he worked for cash with friend so no taxes, etc.)

I am wondering if when I file for divorce, assuming I will need to do this myself without an attny do I put abuse somewhere in the paperwork? I don't want to do a R/O b/c i want him to continue to see his kids. It's just we are not good together, and not knowing if he would move back to NY or not.

If he did move away and worked for cash, would I get any support? If he stays in Indiana would court make him work? or would I not get support that way either? Does abuse like this have affect on divorce or would that only be brought up in custody case, or if RO was requested?

I'm just scared of all sides.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I am that woman who has "stayed b/c of the kids" and I am that woman who always gives him another chance. So please no flames, this is scary and hard for me and I'm an emotional wreck and praying I have the strength to follow through.

Married x 7 yrs, 2 children. History of abuse, physical few times, police called, reports made. He was arrested and charged twice, but both times after either bailed out or sitting in jail a day or two it was dropped. I would say that 99% is verbal/emotional. I am just not even admitting that this is a type of abuse. Name calling, anything from a jerk to a c**t, bi***, so on and so on, I've been spit on, told he hopes I die of aids, or get into a car crash. You get the picture, yes this has happened in front of the kids, usually always in front of kids.

I have filed before and dropped it twice b/c he swears things will get better. He's an alcoholic, drug abuser, back and forth w/ sobority and not.

Today I called legal aid to apply for assistance in filing for divorce again. We are living together and he's not working. He was getting unemployment but I think that's done. He refuses to look for work always citing that if he still lived in NY where he's from he could make 800 a week and here he can't make much (in NY he worked for cash with friend so no taxes, etc.)

I am wondering if when I file for divorce, assuming I will need to do this myself without an attny do I put abuse somewhere in the paperwork? I don't want to do a R/O b/c i want him to continue to see his kids. It's just we are not good together, and not knowing if he would move back to NY or not.

If he did move away and worked for cash, would I get any support? If he stays in Indiana would court make him work? or would I not get support that way either? Does abuse like this have affect on divorce or would that only be brought up in custody case, or if RO was requested?

I'm just scared of all sides.

A judge cannot order him to work. All a judge can do is impute an income to him and make a child support order based on that. If he doesn't pay the judge can take action against him. I will tell you however, that it is VERY difficult to collect from an ex who is determined not to pay, particularly when they are being paid under the table.

That however, should not influence your decision at all. You need to be strong and get out of the abusive situation for the sake of your children. If he becomes violent with you again, then you MUST get an RO. There are ways that he will still be able to see the children, even with an RO in place.

 

[Silverplum]

I just wanted to offer you support and prayers for your safety, sanity, and strength; and for your children.

We're here to help.

ETA: Some resources I googled, hope they can help you get the help you need. Remember to remove the stupid stuff: http://www.pcain.org/ http://www.pcain.org/family_support_links.asp http://www.violenceresource.org/hotline.htm Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-332-7385 http://www.freshstartofindiana.org/fsvs.html

 

[st-kitts]

Aardvarc is the best website available for resources on domestic violence including state by state and county by county domestic violence outreach offices. If you haven't already contacted a domestic violence advocate, I suggest you do. They are generally trained not to push you to any decision, but rather to advise you on your particular county's response and attitude toward domestic violence in terms of custody, restraining or protective orders, divorce etc. Link to AARDVARC's indiana page is here. Good luck

Indiana Domestic Violence Resources - An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection