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  1. #1
    ahb1108 Guest


    A female "friend" of mine in Kansas recently called the police on me when I stopped by her house to talk. I only rang her door bell three times and left a stern message on her machine that "she needed to talk to me or I would end our friendship". Now she is going to file a restraining order on me. We had been dating two years ago, but have only been "friends" since. I have never threatened her with violence or harm of any kind. She had not told me that she did not want to talk to me or see me and I assumed she would talk with me.

    A week ago when she stopped by my house, I had confronted her about seeing a married man again. It was a nice peacful conversation and I just offered my support to her if she wanted to get out of that situation. She denied that the rumors were true and then she agreed to go to lunch with me. She had told me that if someone was spreading rumors that she wanted me to tell her. I said that I'd find out what I could and let her know.

    I had initiated a chat on the internet with the married man in question under an anonymous name. He spilled his guts in time and gave me all kinds of detail about his relationship with her, by name. I had printed these out and was going to give them to her on the morning in question so she could see what was beeing said about her.

    My intention on that morning was to end the friendship for good if she was actually involed with this guy and did not want to break it off. Is there anyway I can fight a restraining order that really has no basis? Or is she right by filling one? Help! I don't need this on my record if it's not warranted.

  2. #2
    icelk2 Guest

    Exclamation Phony restraining orders

    Hire an attorney to represent you. I am currently in a similar, yet different situation, myself. You mention no children to be involved. My first thought was to wonder why you would not just leave it alone, go on with your life, too.
    Obviously, your friend doesn't want you around and there was a reason why the Judge granted that order. Do you think you could possibly make this person decide to like you?
    Also,now that this restraining order is in effect,what aspects of your life are now effected; both pros and cons.
    If you intend to "fight" this, the best advise is to talk to a lawyer. Representing yourself may not be the wisest answer. Good Luck!

  3. #3
    ahb1108 Guest
    Well, a little more info on the situation to clear up your questions.

    The restraining order has not been granted yet. She's just said that she will file one on Tuesday. She had never told me not to contact her, in fact the last falling out we had, in August, I told her not to contact me until she worked through her issues. I had told her on several occasions that I didn't want her around until she got some help. Luckily I still have all of those e-mails.

    As far as going on with my life, that was the plan. I've been trying to do that for two years now. I was just going to give her one more chance to get out of this current situation and offer my support as a friend, if she wanted it. Again, she came to my house a week prior to this and she wanted me to tell her what this guy was saying about her, that's why I went to her house. I wanted to discuss it in person so I could tell if she was being honest with me. I had some very incriminating information in an e-mail that the guy in question sent me, naming her. Also, I belive this guy was at her house when I showed up, that's why she wouldn't open the door and talk.

    We have been just friends for two years now and what physical relationship there was was initiated by her. She has a long history of problems, 4 failed marraiges and at least two affairs. Call me stupid, but I was just trying to help her since she had no one else, or so I thouhgt. How many of us have been burned by that one. I really don't know where I stand and yes I do plan on getting an attorney if she proceeds with this.

    I don't know what the effects will be on my life, but I'm looking into it. I would appreciate any info on the effects of a TRO. I'm in the military and I am a sportsman so I don't know what effect it will have on security clearances or buying and possesing firearms for hunting and such. Those are my main concerns and why I'll fight it if I have to. I never intended on speaking with her again so that doesn't matter to me. It's more to clear my good name. You just can't help some people.

  4. #4
    icelk2 Guest

    Smile Let go, let God.

    There are civil protection orders and there are TRO's, which are temp. restraining orders.
    I live in Idaho. Your state may differ. This is what Ive learned thru my own experiences in ref. to the two types of TRO's. Here, a temp./"restraining" order costs you about $25 pd to sheriff(?), or appropriate 3rd party to "serve" the court docs to Respondant/defendant.. You may be able to have a reliable 3rd of your own do that, then you may not have to spend that fee for svs to deliver legal docs/service to the party at other end,in your case.

    A restraining order. My x violated one of these (i only had one..ever.) because..he came to my door. I called law. they came. Police could only do so much. they told tell him to leave the property at once. if he didnt, they'd arrest him for violation of..so he left my property, walked across the street to his car, where he then was legal(?), however, he was told to leave because it could be like, harrassment, if he continued on, out there, as such. he did leave. Appears they get Warned, if provable.. this is how i experienced a regular temp. "restraining" order.

    A "Civil Protection Order", now, this type is takin quite abit more seriously. I appeared at local county courthouse, went to court clerk's ofc, asked for application for a civil protection order. Fill out forms, take back to clerk, she stamps it filed. It goes to Prot.Order Hearing. You have to go before the Judge and tell court why You feel your life/kids, who's ever life is in danger, if you feel you need this enforcable Prot. Order, and Judge decides. If you get one of these, it states WHO is Not to have ANYKIND of contact with who, except as may need to be specified on order regarding visitational issues. other party NOR YOU!! can chng order unless in court. This order can specify 100 or 300 yds that parties no contact the other. Neither can violate order, or... that one can instantly go to jail. It takes 1 phone call to report violation. There are those who can lie and judges and so forth believe their stories. If you Get reported, the first thing that happens is.. whether you're innocent or really guilty of violating this order, the police come get you. You go directly to jail. Thats when you now have the burden of proof to bare. You go to jail if in any contempt of the order.
    ok. you 1st get the temp.prot.order. in Idaho the court orders you to go to an orientation class before the next hearing set at about 2 wks from original order began. Then you appear at this next hearing to show cause why you want order continued another 90,etc days.. The other party to issue, the respondent or defendent has the opportunity to appear also.

    After witnessing one of my many unwanted horrible court hearings, one gal commented, "he who lies the best wins". Thats sad and often true. If you claim the other is a drug/alcohol user, it hurts the other guy...true or not. now its on court docs.. ? even if you get accused like that, and immediatly spend $140. at health center getting a drug/alcohol test for every kind of drug immaginable, these false allegations are still there on your records.
    Hey, here's one for you to me(?) Can the same guy falsely allege that same crime on you ten yrs later, if you once proved yourself innocent? would "charged with same crime twice" go here?
    Personally, these orders work for some, not me. I do not ever plan to apply for one of these again. This guy's a repeat sex offender and they dont see how he's a master of manipulation, using the system to wrongly gain. I think there's room for improvement with our system. Ive seen and experienced too much already.
    AGAIN...It's not wise to represent yourself, in a case like this, especially if it looks tough..at all. Get a lawyer.
    I am no professional who knows laws too well. This is basically my opinions, comments on what I've come to believe is true, how it appears to me... Hope you can get something good out of my sharing with you.

  5. #5
    ahb1108 Guest
    So, I guess that she can have one of these put on me by saying anything and not having to prove it?

    How long would a TRO stay on my record, and would I have any chance to voice my side of the story before it was issued? I'd like to clear the air and avoid the whole thing. Again I had no intentions of ever talking with her again anyway. I think she just did all of this to cover up her affair. That may just backfire on her if it goes to a hearing.

    Thanks for the input Icelk.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    The 'Katherine Harris' Appreciation State.
    Originally posted by ahb1108
    So, I guess that she can have one of these put on me by saying anything and not having to prove it?

    How long would a TRO stay on my record, and would I have any chance to voice my side of the story before it was issued? I'd like to clear the air and avoid the whole thing. Again I had no intentions of ever talking with her again anyway. I think she just did all of this to cover up her affair. That may just backfire on her if it goes to a hearing.

    Thanks for the input Icelk.
    She can get a restraining order very easily if she lies.. but it will only be temporary. Then there is a hearing and she will need to explain to a judge why and what proof etc. At that point if she has no reason to fear you etc the judge will cancel the TRO and it will be over.

  7. #7
    BugHogan Guest

    We just had a similar situation but involved children also

    My fiance's ex-wife filed one against him. I believe it's called an "Ex Parte Order" until the initial hearing. A temporary order of protection. That means you have to obey what the restraining order indicates and stay away until the hearing or you will be arrested. At least in our case that was it.

    My fiance represented himself due to lack of funds, denied the charges and requested an evidentiary hearing which was conducted at the same time. The judge found in favor of my fiance and threw the case out and canceled the temporary order. In my feeling, if these are false charges you should stand up for yourself. Even if she is someone that you do not wish to have contact with anymore anyways, letting it go through may be something that will come back to haunt you later, particularly if there are children involved. I personally wouldn't want to unjustly be labeled as a person who abuses and harasses.

  8. #8
    ahb1108 Guest

    Thumbs up

    Thanks for all of the input. I plan on fighting this to the bitter end because there is no basis for it. I sure don't want to be labled as an abuser or harraser. I'd never touch a hair on her head and if she ever told me to stay away, that she didn't want my advice, she never would have seen me again. The kicker is she wanted me to tell her what was being said about her, that's why I went there in the first place. I should have known that the married man in question may have been there on a Saturday morning. I'm sure they freaked when I rang the doorbell. I think the police were called just to cover thier tracks. Call me a sucker. I fell right into that trap.

    I dated her for 6 months over two years ago, since then we've been only friends. She has dated people and I have dated people. I have told her on numerous occaisions that we would never have any relationship other than a friendship again (I have the emails). There are no children involved and we had never lived together.

    I only got into this mess because she was having her second affair with a married man. I was worried that she was being taken advantage of because she has some emotional issues that she is going through. That is a pattern with her and If I would have known her longer I would have seen that and never dated her in the first place. Hind sight is 20/20. That's what us nice guys get for being chivilrous.

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