How does "spanking" with belt and leaving large bruises not abuse??

[Hoosiermomof4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana
Son's father (we have joint and joint physical custody) no CS is paid by either of us b/c we equally take care of him.
He is 14 (too old to get spanked) he was hit w/ belt and the following day he tells me, he shows me from his butt check down his thigh is large bruises, I am not talking small lines from the edge of the belt, I'm talking the whole area is purple and black. I am horrified.

I contact ex, to which I get the whole he deserved it. Maybe I did hit him a little too hard, but a belt will always leave marks, my parents did this and that blah blah.

I called CPS, they came, took pics, called in ex, he admits it all of course.
They assure me that he will no longer see son if he doesn't go to anger management at the least.

Well this was a while ago, they didn't make him do crap! I called to follow up and of course on the phone she tells me how he is an abuser basically and will be forced to get help, but months go by nothing. I called back, case closed. I am told now in Indiana a parent can spank however they feel appropriate.

I'm so ticked!

 

[CdwJava]

If it happens again, call the police and not CPS. As of now, it might be too late to check with the police, but it might not hurt to give them a call and ask them to look into the matter. Though if CPS does not consider what happened to be abuse, then there may be little even the police can do as CPS tends to forgive far less than the police do when it comes to physical discipline.

 

[Hoosiermomof4]

The police did go w/ cps and took their own photos.
Ex is a cop in another town though which is why I believe no one cares.

 

[Hoosiermomof4]

Also my son has told me of times he's pushed, kicked, smacking in mouth, and tons of verbal stuff.
I just don't know how to help him when cps won't even help.

 

[HomeGuru]

Also my son has told me of times he's pushed, kicked, smacking in mouth, and tons of verbal stuff.
I just don't know how to help him when cps won't even help.

**A: contact a family law attorney first thing Monday.

 

[LdiJ]

**A: contact a family law attorney first thing Monday.

I agree. Somebody got to somebody, somewhere. Get a consult with a local attorney with all of your evidence in hand.

 

[Hoosiermomof4]

Thanks everyone. I went to my local pro bono place to see if they can help but they said they are too overwhelmed to take any new people on

 

[tranquility]

How odd that so many who would take the word of a police officer in an ambiguous situation, don't seem to want to take the decision of those who are trained and have experience in such matters and who deal with this all day, all the time.

While I accept that a beating is beyond the pale, it seems like there was an investigation and nothing has happened as yet.

Why is that?

 

[MichaCA]

I don't know...I hope the poster can find an attorney to get this in court. Is there a free family law facilitator at your county court house (in the family law division?) Have you talked to local domestic violence support centers...they will know the legal hoops and MAY have an domestic violence attorney who works for them...but you won't know until you make the calls and check.

 

[Hoosiermomof4]

Update:

Tonight the boys were to stay w/ their father for tonight. They were both upset to go, my oldest was crying already b/c he had spent time with his grandma and grandpa all week for summer break (each child goes 1 week at different times) well my mom called me all upset b/c the boys had called them to say goodnight and my 10 yr old was wanting to know what date he was going there. After talking to him, the phone was passed to oldest son, my mom said 12 sec. later she could hear my Ex SCREAMING like a crazy man at my 10 yr old, saying " Did you lie to me" over and over, screaming so loud. Immediatly step mom came in and told oldest son to get off phone. He began to cry and said I love you bye.
So of course I called over there and asked what problem there was. I could hear in Ex's voice he was pissed off. He said DS2 asked if he could call grandparents and they said yes, but is the call for you or your brother? He said him (not sure why they would ask this, it shouldn't matter, but they say they never told oldest DS1 he couldnt call) Twice they asked if the call was for him, he said yes. But after a minute or two of speaking he gave phone to older brother, so to EX said did you lie, I guess DS2 admited that DS1 did want him to get the phone and call so he could talk. They tell me they get yelled at for asking to call even ME or grandparents all the time so they feel they need to sneak it.

So Ex tells me all bully like sounding they are both in bed, and DS2 did get an earful b/c he lied 3 times to me and step mom and he will not do that crap. And when he put him in the bed he "swatted" him on the butt.

I told him that we had an agreement after the belt/bruise problem that NO physical punishment would happen. CPS met w/ him, step mom, and me and wanted him to sign a paper saying he wouldnt' use that type of punishment but he refused. He told me tonight they came out again and requested it but he refused. He said in Indiana you can disapline how you see fit, and even a belt is fine, spanking on butt is fine, manual labor is fine, if he wanted him to sleep in the dog house that would be fine too.

He basically said call cps b/c I swatted him on the butt when he climbed in bed, I never agreed to crap. Not that I was going to call CPS, I already know they can't do anything about this stuff.

I asked ex if he cursed at him, he said no that he never does. But both boys have told me he says things like "Are you F***ing stupid" "Do you have a F brain?" things like that.

I'm really feeling nervous about this, but here are some questions I have:


If nothing in the divorce/custoy was changed through courts on DS2 then I do not think I would need to file anything on him, correct? I still have full physical custody.

Since the orginal court paper about DS1 says we will review the situation and redo papers again in 1 yr about how he's doing but after the year we did not do anything, is it void now? To me if it's voided it would mean it would go back to how it was orignally, me full physical custody, joint custody, child support and normal visitation.

Since DS1 has been with them now for 2 years how hard would this be? He's 14, with the abuse evidence and the history of voilence of me, the verbal parts that certain people have heard, the counselers of the boys have both made notes on how the emotional abuse affects them, etc...how hard of a fight would this be? I know he wouldn't fight on allowing him to live with me full time, but he wouldn't want to pay child support so he'd fight to keep him about that, and to be "in charge"

I rent a townhouse, he owns a home. I live in different school district, boys have done well in that school district and I know DS1 doesn't want to leave his school b/c of his friends, but DS2 will change to be away from ex more. Although ex said the school district I'm in is horrible. It's much larger, high school there is 250 graduation, my district class is 1,200 grads. Test scores, attendence, etc...are equal. There are more mixture of people in the school I'm in b/c I'm in the city and where he is is more country.

Any advice.

 

[Hoosiermomof4]

I wanted to get the paper and type exactly what the order states:

AGREED ENTRY
Come now petitioner in person and respondent in person and by counsel and agree as follows:
1. They will continue to have joint legal custody of minor children with Dalton living with Respondent during school days and Petitioner having primary custody of DS2.
2. Respondent has had DS1 since 2007, he is enrolled in school. The parties agree that he shall continue in the custody of the respondent and be enrolled in that school. In June 2007 the agreement will be re-visited with the court and decided if there should be an order for change in physical custody at that time.
3. The decree shall be modified that the Petitioner have at minimum parenting time with Ds1 as stated in Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines.
4. Parties previously agreed to share transportation and always give other party addresses and phone numbers, these agreements are not modified by this order.
5. As support for DS2 Respondent shall pay 300 per month which is not a child support guideline amount but half of the current support order for both children. this will commence May 1, 2007.


**(later we agreed to stop the CS for DS2 b/c he fed him breakfast before school and was paying for his soccer and baseball things)**

 

[LdiJ]

I would honestly recommend that you get a consult with a local attorney. I think that the situation is such that you are going to need one. I also think getting a GAL or CASA worker involved would be helpful.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

I know this doesn't help much now, but I would have called 911 and asked that an officer respond to Dad's house while the incident was occurring. You could have said that you were a concerned neighbor calling because you heard yelling and fighting.