purplequill
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington
I am currently filling out a parenting plan prior to filing for divorce. I view myself as exiting an abusive relationship, but I don't know if what occurred meets the *legal* definition of abuse, or if my proof would meet the standard.
FYI, my objective is not to bar my husband seeing his child. He did not abuse her--except that he abused me in front of her. He asked for one day per week overnight unsupervised visitation, and I have consented. My objective is to legally end joint decision-making, thus removing his last opportunity and motive for harassing me.
According to the proposed parenting plan, I must demonstrate that he has "A history of acts of domestic violence as defined in RCW 26.50.010(1) or an assault or sexual assault which causes grievous bodily harm or the fear of such harm." Most of his abuse involved coercion with threats. Even though I was very intimidated, I never thought to myself "this man might put me in the hospital." The one time he hit me in the face, it left no mark. When he attempted to rape me while our daughter slept in the same tent, it was with threats of waking her up so she would have to watch and it would be my fault. Does coercion by threats of violence, screaming and cussing for hours, threats of humiliation, taking away car keys, etc. qualify as "abuse" by law?
If it does qualify as abuse, then I have to prove it. The police were never involved, but I confessed conditions to more and more friends as the abuse grew worse. I also confessed to a counselor after I began having stress-induced panic attacks for which I had to go to the hospital. I have proof of both of these in written communication to friends and pastors, as well as my medical records.
If I cannot prove abuse, there is a lower standard I could use that would limit joint decision making, if I can prove "The abusive use of conflict by the parent which creates the danger of serious damage to the child’s psychological development." Much of the abuse took place in front of our daughter, and as she become older (she is currently 4), she became involved in trying to protect me and calm her father down. Continued fighting between us with most certainly damage her if she continues to see it as her job to protect one parent from the other.
I am currently filling out a parenting plan prior to filing for divorce. I view myself as exiting an abusive relationship, but I don't know if what occurred meets the *legal* definition of abuse, or if my proof would meet the standard.
FYI, my objective is not to bar my husband seeing his child. He did not abuse her--except that he abused me in front of her. He asked for one day per week overnight unsupervised visitation, and I have consented. My objective is to legally end joint decision-making, thus removing his last opportunity and motive for harassing me.
According to the proposed parenting plan, I must demonstrate that he has "A history of acts of domestic violence as defined in RCW 26.50.010(1) or an assault or sexual assault which causes grievous bodily harm or the fear of such harm." Most of his abuse involved coercion with threats. Even though I was very intimidated, I never thought to myself "this man might put me in the hospital." The one time he hit me in the face, it left no mark. When he attempted to rape me while our daughter slept in the same tent, it was with threats of waking her up so she would have to watch and it would be my fault. Does coercion by threats of violence, screaming and cussing for hours, threats of humiliation, taking away car keys, etc. qualify as "abuse" by law?
If it does qualify as abuse, then I have to prove it. The police were never involved, but I confessed conditions to more and more friends as the abuse grew worse. I also confessed to a counselor after I began having stress-induced panic attacks for which I had to go to the hospital. I have proof of both of these in written communication to friends and pastors, as well as my medical records.
If I cannot prove abuse, there is a lower standard I could use that would limit joint decision making, if I can prove "The abusive use of conflict by the parent which creates the danger of serious damage to the child’s psychological development." Much of the abuse took place in front of our daughter, and as she become older (she is currently 4), she became involved in trying to protect me and calm her father down. Continued fighting between us with most certainly damage her if she continues to see it as her job to protect one parent from the other.