I may be being abused -- definitely financial abuse.

[heispushingme]

What is the name of your state TX

I have been in a controlling relationship for 2 years. I have a business that generates an income of 200k a year. My fiance said he should control it. He had more experience. He has a business too. He handled everything -- and if I questioned it, he said we were done. Anyway, he filed our tax returns last year by balancing our write offs. He took a 5k tax bill and I would get a 5k tax return. He played the system.

When I questioned it he told me that I had no business questioning it because I am not a seasoned person like he is and that I shoudl 'back off". Because we had an extension -- we are awaiting my tax return. It hasn't come yet and he told me that if I get it and don't hand it to him -- he will go back and ammend his tax return to make sure that he gets a big pay check and i get a big bill.

I just independently emailed and called our accountant to tell him what's going on. He told me my fiance called the other day and asked him to call the IRS on his own to find out where my return is. My accountant told him I needed a power of attorney signed to do that and that INFURIATED my fiance.

So, here we sit -- he is threatening me with this -- Holding ALL of my money -- and paychecks.

I withheld my last paycheck for 3 days because I was considering leaving and he notated on the bank account "DEPOSIT (MY NAME) WITHHELD FOR 1 WEEK AND JEAPORDIZED BILLS)

How would you deal with this? And is this tax fraud?

 

[stealth2]

Why is he still your fiance? Leave him.

 

[heispushingme]

Why is he still your fiance? Leave him.

I just called the IRS and they said my refund will be delayed after the holdiay. I told him he needs to be patient and he said (in text) that he was counting on my return money and wanted to file an ammendment to get money back ASAP.

I said that will TOTALLY screw ME over -- and he should avoid doing that and triggering an audit.

He said "well, I need that money..."

How in the world do I deal with this! Would you leave your significant other over this? And should I report this?

 

[CTU]

I just called the IRS and they said my refund will be delayed after the holdiay. I told him he needs to be patient and he said (in text) that he was counting on my return money and wanted to file an ammendment to get money back ASAP.

I said that will TOTALLY screw ME over -- and he should avoid doing that and triggering an audit.

He said "well, I need that money..."

How in the world do I deal with this! Would you leave your significant other over this? And should I report this?

Yes.

Yes, I would. Because I expect consideration and respect from my significant other.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I just called the IRS and they said my refund will be delayed after the holdiay. I told him he needs to be patient and he said (in text) that he was counting on my return money and wanted to file an ammendment to get money back ASAP.

I said that will TOTALLY screw ME over -- and he should avoid doing that and triggering an audit.

He said "well, I need that money..."

How in the world do I deal with this! Would you leave your significant other over this? And should I report this?

Yes.

Yes I would.

His behavior will not improve. Do you want to spend the next however many years living like this?

You are not married. Don't marry him. It only gets worse.

 

[heispushingme]

I just got his threats to change this in text message. I'm saving them. He literally said "if I find out that you took this refund (which is in MY NAME!) he will file and amendment because he refuses to "get fuc*ed"

I have it documented.

Then he said that he has a tax attorney "friend" that he will call to find out what's REALLY going on here and he will be 'done' with me if he finds out I got the check and took the money already.

Yes.

Yes I would.

His behavior will not improve. Do you want to spend the next however many years living like this?

You are not married. Don't marry him. It only gets worse.

 

[CTU]

I just got his threats to change this in text message. I'm saving them. He literally said "if I find out that you took this refund (which is in MY NAME!) he will file and amendment because he refuses to "get fuc*ed"

I have it documented.

Then he said that he has a tax attorney "friend" that he will call to find out what's REALLY going on here and he will be 'done' with me if he finds out I got the check and took the money already.

Hon, you need to get out of the relationship before you do anything else. Get yourself to a safe place, get back on your feet and then you can worry about tax refunds.

 

[commentator]

You are like the drunk who wanted into the shelter on a cold night. They offered him several options for d&a treatment, but he said he didn't want to quit, he just needed a place to stay for the night. You don't want to get out of this relationship, you just want him to quit bugging you about this one issue. Which is totally ridiculous.

You KNOW he is abusing you, verbally, emotionally and financially. You are just hooked on it, scared to try anything, really sort of locked in here in this relationship. It's scary to defy him. Because you sense, quite correctly, that his abuse could get even uglier if you don't comply. It's easier to stay, to give in, to let him control things. He'll fuss so if he doesn't get his way, and you hate it so when he fusses!

Get out, go to a shelter, get your things and get out NOW. Who gives a whoop what he "wrote on the bank account"? Certainly not the bank, which does not care who "jeaopardized the bills." When he says "I'm outta here!" what would be the downside of letting him go?

It sounds like you are woefully unprepared to manage a business of any kind, and he is buffaloing you with his threats and his claims of expertise. So get away from him. If you have a business that generates 200K per year, hire someone to manage it for you or to advise you. Or else you can always let him continue to control you and take your money. Your choice.

 

[heispushingme]

Very well said.

I am definitely like that -- and I need to get the strength to leave.

Like yesterday.

I make that kind of money and I am controlled and told that I am not capable of handling it.

I told my (our accountant) effective immediatley HE is handling my books. No more -- this is out of control and threats of going back and triggering an audit just so he can get money back faster? Insane to me...

He is a surgeon. He just lost his contract and is now opening his new practice. He has a 150k loan. And I am currently supporting him, his 3 kids child support, house and all the extras...and he tells me it's not enough. He's right. it's not enough. We are 5k a month short and he is curbing my hair, nails...shopping...etc. I got **** the other day becuase I got my nails done -- first time in TWO months.

I'm a professional woman. I make a good living. I should not look like crap.

So, not only is he demanding every dime I have -- CONTROLLING IT (mad because I delayed the paycheck deposit by 3 days into the joint account) ... I AM SUPPORTING THIS FIASCO.

He will be fine without me. He will get a million dollar practice in no time -- that's what keeps me hanging on. I know he will be this successful, hot, charasmatic rockstar within a year. BUT -- he's currently BROKE (300k in retirement at 49) and BLEEDING ME DRY.

I have 18k in retirement -- and i'm 41. When I ask about getting married -- he says.... SOON.. You have a 30k ring...so just be happy with that for now.

You are like the drunk who wanted into the shelter on a cold night. They offered him several options for d&a treatment, but he said he didn't want to quit, he just needed a place to stay for the night. You don't want to get out of this relationship, you just want him to quit bugging you about this one issue. Which is totally ridiculous.

You KNOW he is abusing you, verbally, emotionally and financially. You are just hooked on it, scared to try anything, really sort of locked in here in this relationship. It's scary to defy him. Because you sense, quite correctly, that his abuse could get even uglier if you don't comply. It's easier to stay, to give in, to let him control things. He'll fuss so if he doesn't get his way, and you hate it so when he fusses!

Get out, go to a shelter, get your things and get out NOW. Who gives a whoop what he "wrote on the bank account"? Certainly not the bank, which does not care who "jeaopardized the bills." When he says "I'm outta here!" what would be the downside of letting him go?

It sounds like you are woefully unprepared to manage a business of any kind, and he is buffaloing you with his threats and his claims of expertise. So get away from him. If you have a business that generates 200K per year, hire someone to manage it for you or to advise you. Or else you can always let him continue to control you and take your money. Your choice.

 

[CTU]

Very well said.

I am definitely like that -- and I need to get the strength to leave.

Like yesterday.

I make that kind of money and I am controlled and told that I am not capable of handling it.

I told my (our accountant) effective immediatley HE is handling my books. No more -- this is out of control and threats of going back and triggering an audit just so he can get money back faster? Insane to me...

He is a surgeon. He just lost his contract and is now opening his new practice. He has a 150k loan. And I am currently supporting him, his 3 kids child support, house and all the extras...and he tells me it's not enough. He's right. it's not enough. We are 5k a month short and he is curbing my hair, nails...shopping...etc. I got **** the other day becuase I got my nails done -- first time in TWO months.

I'm a professional woman. I make a good living. I should not look like crap.

So, not only is he demanding every dime I have -- CONTROLLING IT (mad because I delayed the paycheck deposit by 3 days into the joint account) ... I AM SUPPORTING THIS FIASCO.

He will be fine without me. He will get a million dollar practice in no time -- that's what keeps me hanging on. I know he will be this successful, hot, charasmatic rockstar within a year. BUT -- he's currently BROKE (300k in retirement at 49) and BLEEDING ME DRY.

I have 18k in retirement -- and i'm 41. When I ask about getting married -- he says.... SOON.. You have a 30k ring...so just be happy with that for now.

He's not going to marry you. He has no need to marry you. He's getting what he wants, without the legal responsibility.

 

[Shadowbunny]

Very well said.

I am definitely like that -- and I need to get the strength to leave.

Like yesterday.

I make that kind of money and I am controlled and told that I am not capable of handling it.

I told my (our accountant) effective immediatley HE is handling my books. No more -- this is out of control and threats of going back and triggering an audit just so he can get money back faster? Insane to me...

He is a surgeon. He just lost his contract and is now opening his new practice. He has a 150k loan. And I am currently supporting him, his 3 kids child support, house and all the extras...and he tells me it's not enough. He's right. it's not enough. We are 5k a month short and he is curbing my hair, nails...shopping...etc. I got **** the other day becuase I got my nails done -- first time in TWO months.

I'm a professional woman. I make a good living. I should not look like crap.

So, not only is he demanding every dime I have -- CONTROLLING IT (mad because I delayed the paycheck deposit by 3 days into the joint account) ... I AM SUPPORTING THIS FIASCO.

He will be fine without me. He will get a million dollar practice in no time -- that's what keeps me hanging on. I know he will be this successful, hot, charasmatic rockstar within a year. BUT -- he's currently BROKE (300k in retirement at 49) and BLEEDING ME DRY.

I have 18k in retirement -- and i'm 41. When I ask about getting married -- he says.... SOON.. You have a 30k ring...so just be happy with that for now.

More likely is that he'll still be a broke, abusive, controlling jerk. But even if he is successful, he'll just be a financially stable, abusive, controlling jerk.

 

[heispushingme]

we both wear rings -- we were supposed to be "common law marriage" ...he tells everyone we are married. And begs me to do as well. But then when i ask for a REAL marariage.... he says... we will see.. maybe next year. "waht's the point...everyone thinks we are married..."

He's not going to marry you. He has no need to marry you. He's getting what he wants, without the legal responsibility.

 

[heispushingme]

More likely is that he'll still be a broke, abusive, controlling jerk. But even if he is successful, he'll just be a financially stable, abusive, controlling jerk.

THat's what I have to remember. No matter how much he makes -- and no matter how much he is capable of making -- I make a good living and HE may be rich someday -- but he will still be a arse.

 

[stealth2]

In all honesty? You need therapy.

 

[heispushingme]

In all honesty? You need therapy.

I am in therapy. I just started again. He's mad because 1) he's threatened by someone w common sense talking to me 2) it's 100 dollars a session and he says we can't afford it.

He says he doesn't get to talk to anyone about our problems --why should I get to do so?