I regret calling police on my husband. HELP!

[jamieraebaby]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

My husband was charged with CDV against me. I gave police his drug paraphenila and the two older children made incriminating statements against him. He immedialty sought help through the VA for Anger Management and we are schedualed for marriage counseling. I talk to the Solictor Sececretary and Victims advocate about dropping the charges and gave them the paperwork from the VA about his sessions, but they said I cant drop the charges and that they likley won't because I gave up drug paraphenilia (crack pipe). They said they can reccommend PTI so he will not get a conviction. My husband says he is not doing PTI and he will get a lawyer and take it to trial. I am not alowed to recant my statement or I will be charged with a false report. If he is convicted, he will lose his job with the News station he works at and my children and I will lose our home. Is it safer to just have him do the PTI which is 700 bucks or get a lawyer which is more. Oh and we are poor with a mortgage and 3 kids.


We dont have the 700. We dont even know how to get it. ANd we hit eachother. It's more of a marriage problem. I have hit him in fights before but he didnt call the police. He is actively seeking help for his drug and anger issues through the VA clinic. I will be attending counseling there with him also once the "NO contact order" is up. I just need this to go away so we can fix our lives ourselves.

 

[CourtClerk]

Your husband said he's not doing PTI, so I don't know why you're asking the question.

He seems perfectly ok with losing his job, doing drugs and harming you in front of your children... so why don't you act on THAT?

 

[mistoffolees]

He seems perfectly ok with losing his job, doing drugs and harming you in front of your children... so why don't you act on THAT?

That's the real issue. He's committed domestic violence and doing drugs in the house. Why would you WANT to retract your testimony.

Just in case OP has been living in isolation, there are a LOT of cases where people make DV charges and then drop them. Shortly afterward, they're beaten to within an inch of their lives - or worse. The laws are there to protect you - even if you're willing to throw yourself back into danger. More importantly, the laws are there to protect your children - since you don't seem to be willing to act on their behalf.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

My husband was charged with CDV against me. I gave police his drug paraphenila and the two older children made incriminating statements against him. He immedialty sought help through the VA for Anger Management and we are schedualed for marriage counseling. I talk to the Solictor Sececretary and Victims advocate about dropping the charges and gave them the paperwork from the VA about his sessions, but they said I cant drop the charges and that they likley won't because I gave up drug paraphenilia (crack pipe). They said they can reccommend PTI so he will not get a conviction. My husband says he is not doing PTI and he will get a lawyer and take it to trial. I am not alowed to recant my statement or I will be charged with a false report. If he is convicted, he will lose his job with the News station he works at and my children and I will lose our home. Is it safer to just have him do the PTI which is 700 bucks or get a lawyer which is more. Oh and we are poor with a mortgage and 3 kids.

So... your husband beats you up and smokes crack. And you think he's an okay person to be in the house with your kids? Wow.

 

[CourtClerk]

And let's not forget that they are "poor" (by her own words) but would be willing to shell out $700 on a program...

Seems to me like if you're poor and you get $700, you'd use that money to better your position in life. Feed your kids, buy them some clothes, find yourself somewhere else to life without your crack smoking, abusive husband..

IJS

 

[jamieraebaby]

It's both of us - not just him

We dont have the 700. We dont even know how to get it. ANd we hit eachother. It's more of a marriage problem. I have hit him in fights before but he didnt call the police. He is actively seeking help for his drug and anger issues through the VA clinic. I will be attending counseling there with him also once the "NO contact order" is up. I just need this to go away so we can fix our lives ourselves.

 

[CourtClerk]

Right because in all this hitting back and forth.....

the two of you have been motivated to fix this before all of this happened, right? How many counseling sessions have YOU attending before this all happened before the police got involved, since you admittedly have your own issues? How many counseling sessions did he attend before the police got involved in this current issue? When did he put himself in rehab before the police got involved in this current issue?

right....

 

[FlyingRon]

It's exactly this sort of situation which is why the prosecutors/police are unlikely to give up a DV prosecution just because the victim recants.

 

[jamieraebaby]

We have been through two counseing sessions and I just finished an intense 6 week counseling program (without him) through the Georgia Family Crises Center. THen We found a church which also had a marriage program that we attended once and in the begining of 2009 he attended Anger Management on his own for about 3 months - once a week (well, I threatened divorce if he didn't ) and then he got better and quit going. Things just got out of hand that night. All of this was before police involvement. So we did recognize the problems and issues - we just didn't follow through on our efforts to take care of this.

 

[stealth2]

Things just got out of hand that night.

It seems that things have been out of hand for quite a while. I'm frankly surprised that your children haven't been removed from your home. They don't deserve the parents they were apparently given.

 

[Briznat47]

I have been in this situation with my parents. As far as my feeling as a kid, i forgave my dad for calling the cops on my mom for beating him up. I just worry that putting ur kids in the situation with ur husband is dangerous for ur kids and will mess uo ur kids heads more than distancing urself and letting them live a more safe life. Having parents that beat up each other is scary and acts in a basic primal fear according to Maslow. Maslow is one of the founding fathers a psychology. He came up with a hiearchy of needs. His hiearchy states that the first basic need is food, water, warmth, and rest. Above that comes security and stability. Before u can reach the next level which is love, acceptance, and stable mental health u have to fulfill these basic needs. i am not a professional psychologist but i am in AP psychology. i am a straight "A" student in this class and i am only quoting my text book. I though this might help u look at this situation in a different light. i hope that u can resolve this situation in the most beneficial way for u and ur kids.

 

[Just Blue]

I have been in this situation with my parents. As far as my feeling as a kid, i forgave my dad for calling the cops on my mom for beating him up. I just worry that putting ur kids in the situation with ur husband is dangerous for ur kids and will mess uo ur kids heads more than distancing urself and letting them live a more safe life. Having parents that beat up each other is scary and acts in a basic primal fear according to Maslow. Maslow is one of the founding fathers a psychology. He came up with a hiearchy of needs. His hiearchy states that the first basic need is food, water, warmth, and rest. Above that comes security and stability. Before u can reach the next level which is love, acceptance, and stable mental health u have to fulfill these basic needs. i am not a professional psychologist but i am in AP psychology. i am a straight "A" student in this class and i am only quoting my text book. I though this might help u look at this situation in a different light. i hope that u can resolve this situation in the most beneficial way for u and ur kids.

Refrain from "text-speak". Thanks...

 

[stealth2]

I have been in this situation with my parents. As far as my feeling as a kid, i forgave my dad for calling the cops on my mom for beating him up. I just worry that putting ur kids in the situation with ur husband is dangerous for ur kids and will mess uo ur kids heads more than distancing urself and letting them live a more safe life. Having parents that beat up each other is scary and acts in a basic primal fear according to Maslow. Maslow is one of the founding fathers a psychology. He came up with a hiearchy of needs. His hiearchy states that the first basic need is food, water, warmth, and rest. Above that comes security and stability. Before u can reach the next level which is love, acceptance, and stable mental health u have to fulfill these basic needs. i am not a professional psychologist but i am in AP psychology. i am a straight "A" student in this class and i am only quoting my text book. I though this might help u look at this situation in a different light. i hope that u can resolve this situation in the most beneficial way for u and ur kids.

So you're in HS. Do everyone a favor if you want to be taken seriously and drop the textspeak. That's fine for texting your friends. Not so much here.

And learn to spell hierarchy. It's not a typo if you misspell a word repeatedly.

 

[justalayman]

Having parents that beat up each other is scary and acts in a basic primal fear according to Maslow. Maslow is one of the founding fathers a psychology. He came up with a hiearchy of needs. His hiearchy states that the first basic need is food, water, warmth, and rest. Above that comes security and stability. Before u can reach the next level which is love, acceptance, and stable mental health u have to fulfill these basic needs. .

and the very important 3rd level:
belongingness and love needs: family, affection, relationships (general socialization)

given the situation and particular topic, very appropriate IMO. What you didn't mention was that during a child's formative years, inadequacies at any given level can cause life long problems. If a child does not reach that 3rd level, they may always have problems with detachment from others and society in general. Reaching that 3rd level is very difficult in a crack family because they are usually stressing just to meet the needs of the first level.

 

[stealth2]

and the very important 3rd level:
belongingness and love needs: family, affection, relationships (general socialization)

given the situation and particular topic, very appropriate IMO. What you didn't mention was that during a child's formative years, inadequacies at any given level can cause life long problems. If a child does not reach that 3rd level, they may always have problems with detachment from others and society in general. Reaching that 3rd level is very difficult in a crack family because they are usually stressing just to meet the needs of the first level.

They haven't covered that in class, yet.