I'm unsure what to do.

[hmarquez]

I live in Pennsylvania.

Alright, so I'm new to the forums and didn't know where to post this but here goes.

I am 20 years old, full-time working and a student as well. A couple of months ago I went to move back in with my dad after staying with my mother for a bit. Once I landed a pretty decent job, my dad started to financially depend on me more and more. Back story: my dad doesn't work, he is HIV+, living off of the system, drug user, alcoholic, etc. As I was trying to save up money for when school starts up again he would ask me for money for gas, cigarettes, beer, plane tickets, different miscelleanous things, under the premise he would pay me back. Whenever I would object he would get defensive, start yelling, cursing, threatening to kick me out, saying no one helps him, he pays his bills alone, and lastly threatening me physical harm.

I have the bank statements showing cash withdraws, as well as different transactions at different stores and different things. I also have transactions of me making deposits of two different amounts (where he paid me back some of the money he would use from me). In about a month, my father took and used about 800 dollars from me. He paid me back about 350 or so. I have text messages of him asking for money from me, and me stating that he hadn't paid me back for the money he used before. Many times he would say ok, you gonna give me the money or not?

About a week ago, he told me to report my card stolen so that my bank could reimburse me for a plane ticket for my sister. I told him I wouldn't be committing fraud and he made the decision to buy the ticket, I wasn't going to do something illegal just because he changed his mind. He said ok fine and left. ONce he came back he started insulting me, threatening me, telling me that no one likes me, everyone hates me, no one wants me in their lives because I'm an *******. He threatened to beat me over the head with an alluminum bat etc., I couldn't take it anymore, the emotional, verbal and financial abuse was too much. So I left. I asked my aunt to go pick up some things I left over there and he refused to give her my computer that he bought for me as a gift in December of 2009. That was the computer I used for my college work etc. So I said, fine not a big deal, gave him a call and said that if he was going to refuse to give me that back then pay at least half the money he owes me by the end of the month. He said he doesn't owe me anything because I sold a broken tv he gave me (he gave me a small tv for college, it broke and I sold it to a repair shop for a couple bucks). Basically, I don't know what to do. I want him to pay me back. I have the exact amounts he owes me etc.

Also, lastly, he has a suspended license, one day he was under the influence of cocaine and alcohol and he raced down a street. A cop pulled him over and his only form of identication was my SSN in his pocket. NOw his 1500 in parking/traffic tickets are coming under my name. I called traffic court and they said that it is under his license number but my name. My dad tried to manipulate me into taking the blame for his speeding situation, and threatened me saying "would you rather me go to jail?" So yeah I know it is a lot but I really don't know what to do, at least I'm out of there, I'm safe, and I'm not starving. I would like to know how to get my money back (if he can even pay it off because he will say he doesn't work and has no money), how do I get a protection order and what to do about the traffic court situation?


Any help would be amazing! Thanks everyone. I'll try to clarify anything that I stated before, sorry I'm really nervous and frantic.

 

[LdiJ]

I live in Pennsylvania.

Alright, so I'm new to the forums and didn't know where to post this but here goes.

I am 20 years old, full-time working and a student as well. A couple of months ago I went to move back in with my dad after staying with my mother for a bit. Once I landed a pretty decent job, my dad started to financially depend on me more and more. Back story: my dad doesn't work, he is HIV+, living off of the system, drug user, alcoholic, etc. As I was trying to save up money for when school starts up again he would ask me for money for gas, cigarettes, beer, plane tickets, different miscelleanous things, under the premise he would pay me back. Whenever I would object he would get defensive, start yelling, cursing, threatening to kick me out, saying no one helps him, he pays his bills alone, and lastly threatening me physical harm.

I have the bank statements showing cash withdraws, as well as different transactions at different stores and different things. I also have transactions of me making deposits of two different amounts (where he paid me back some of the money he would use from me). In about a month, my father took and used about 800 dollars from me. He paid me back about 350 or so. I have text messages of him asking for money from me, and me stating that he hadn't paid me back for the money he used before. Many times he would say ok, you gonna give me the money or not?

About a week ago, he told me to report my card stolen so that my bank could reimburse me for a plane ticket for my sister. I told him I wouldn't be committing fraud and he made the decision to buy the ticket, I wasn't going to do something illegal just because he changed his mind. He said ok fine and left. ONce he came back he started insulting me, threatening me, telling me that no one likes me, everyone hates me, no one wants me in their lives because I'm an *******. He threatened to beat me over the head with an alluminum bat etc., I couldn't take it anymore, the emotional, verbal and financial abuse was too much. So I left. I asked my aunt to go pick up some things I left over there and he refused to give her my computer that he bought for me as a gift in December of 2009. That was the computer I used for my college work etc. So I said, fine not a big deal, gave him a call and said that if he was going to refuse to give me that back then pay at least half the money he owes me by the end of the month. He said he doesn't owe me anything because I sold a broken tv he gave me (he gave me a small tv for college, it broke and I sold it to a repair shop for a couple bucks). Basically, I don't know what to do. I want him to pay me back. I have the exact amounts he owes me etc.

Also, lastly, he has a suspended license, one day he was under the influence of cocaine and alcohol and he raced down a street. A cop pulled him over and his only form of identication was my SSN in his pocket. NOw his 1500 in parking/traffic tickets are coming under my name. I called traffic court and they said that it is under his license number but my name. My dad tried to manipulate me into taking the blame for his speeding situation, and threatened me saying "would you rather me go to jail?" So yeah I know it is a lot but I really don't know what to do, at least I'm out of there, I'm safe, and I'm not starving. I would like to know how to get my money back (if he can even pay it off because he will say he doesn't work and has no money), how do I get a protection order and what to do about the traffic court situation?


Any help would be amazing! Thanks everyone. I'll try to clarify anything that I stated before, sorry I'm really nervous and frantic.

As far as the traffic court situation is concerned, you go down and talk to them and you tell them that your SSN was used falsely. Do not take the rap for your father. You can sue your dad in small claims court for the money he owes you, but it doesn't sound like you would have much hope of collecting on a judgement.

 

[Banned_Princess]

I live in Pennsylvania.

Alright, so I'm new to the forums and didn't know where to post this but here goes.

I am 20 years old, full-time working and a student as well. A couple of months ago I went to move back in with my dad after staying with my mother for a bit. Once I landed a pretty decent job, my dad started to financially depend on me more and more. Back story: my dad doesn't work, he is HIV+, living off of the system, drug user, alcoholic, etc. As I was trying to save up money for when school starts up again he would ask me for money for gas, cigarettes, beer, plane tickets, different miscelleanous things, under the premise he would pay me back. Whenever I would object he would get defensive, start yelling, cursing, threatening to kick me out, saying no one helps him, he pays his bills alone, and lastly threatening me physical harm.

I have the bank statements showing cash withdraws, as well as different transactions at different stores and different things. I also have transactions of me making deposits of two different amounts (where he paid me back some of the money he would use from me). In about a month, my father took and used about 800 dollars from me. He paid me back about 350 or so. I have text messages of him asking for money from me, and me stating that he hadn't paid me back for the money he used before. Many times he would say ok, you gonna give me the money or not?

About a week ago, he told me to report my card stolen so that my bank could reimburse me for a plane ticket for my sister. I told him I wouldn't be committing fraud and he made the decision to buy the ticket, I wasn't going to do something illegal just because he changed his mind. He said ok fine and left. ONce he came back he started insulting me, threatening me, telling me that no one likes me, everyone hates me, no one wants me in their lives because I'm an *******. He threatened to beat me over the head with an alluminum bat etc., I couldn't take it anymore, the emotional, verbal and financial abuse was too much. So I left. I asked my aunt to go pick up some things I left over there and he refused to give her my computer that he bought for me as a gift in December of 2009. That was the computer I used for my college work etc. So I said, fine not a big deal, gave him a call and said that if he was going to refuse to give me that back then pay at least half the money he owes me by the end of the month. He said he doesn't owe me anything because I sold a broken tv he gave me (he gave me a small tv for college, it broke and I sold it to a repair shop for a couple bucks). Basically, I don't know what to do. I want him to pay me back. I have the exact amounts he owes me etc.

Also, lastly, he has a suspended license, one day he was under the influence of cocaine and alcohol and he raced down a street. A cop pulled him over and his only form of identication was my SSN in his pocket. NOw his 1500 in parking/traffic tickets are coming under my name. I called traffic court and they said that it is under his license number but my name. My dad tried to manipulate me into taking the blame for his speeding situation, and threatened me saying "would you rather me go to jail?" So yeah I know it is a lot but I really don't know what to do, at least I'm out of there, I'm safe, and I'm not starving. I would like to know how to get my money back (if he can even pay it off because he will say he doesn't work and has no money), how do I get a protection order and what to do about the traffic court situation?


Any help would be amazing! Thanks everyone. I'll try to clarify anything that I stated before, sorry I'm really nervous and frantic.

you would have to sue him for a judgment. he will probably never ever ever pay you, and being sued might just kick the sleeping dog.

I'm not sure why you want an order of protection. you might want to just cut your losses and never communicate with him ever ever again.

I don't know about the traffic ticket. all I can advise is you keep going back showing his tickets are being shown under your name. or less popular, just pay them cut your losses and never speak to your dad again. (which I know you are already planning)

 

[Hot Topic]

I live in Pennsylvania.

Alright, so I'm new to the forums and didn't know where to post this but here goes.

I am 20 years old, full-time working and a student as well. A couple of months ago I went to move back in with my dad after staying with my mother for a bit. Once I landed a pretty decent job, my dad started to financially depend on me more and more. Back story: my dad doesn't work, he is HIV+, living off of the system, drug user, alcoholic, etc. As I was trying to save up money for when school starts up again he would ask me for money for gas, cigarettes, beer, plane tickets, different miscelleanous things, under the premise he would pay me back. Whenever I would object he would get defensive, start yelling, cursing, threatening to kick me out, saying no one helps him, he pays his bills alone, and lastly threatening me physical harm.

I have the bank statements showing cash withdraws, as well as different transactions at different stores and different things. I also have transactions of me making deposits of two different amounts (where he paid me back some of the money he would use from me). In about a month, my father took and used about 800 dollars from me. He paid me back about 350 or so. I have text messages of him asking for money from me, and me stating that he hadn't paid me back for the money he used before. Many times he would say ok, you gonna give me the money or not?

About a week ago, he told me to report my card stolen so that my bank could reimburse me for a plane ticket for my sister. I told him I wouldn't be committing fraud and he made the decision to buy the ticket, I wasn't going to do something illegal just because he changed his mind. He said ok fine and left. ONce he came back he started insulting me, threatening me, telling me that no one likes me, everyone hates me, no one wants me in their lives because I'm an *******. He threatened to beat me over the head with an alluminum bat etc., I couldn't take it anymore, the emotional, verbal and financial abuse was too much. So I left. I asked my aunt to go pick up some things I left over there and he refused to give her my computer that he bought for me as a gift in December of 2009. That was the computer I used for my college work etc. So I said, fine not a big deal, gave him a call and said that if he was going to refuse to give me that back then pay at least half the money he owes me by the end of the month. He said he doesn't owe me anything because I sold a broken tv he gave me (he gave me a small tv for college, it broke and I sold it to a repair shop for a couple bucks). Basically, I don't know what to do. I want him to pay me back. I have the exact amounts he owes me etc.

Also, lastly, he has a suspended license, one day he was under the influence of cocaine and alcohol and he raced down a street. A cop pulled him over and his only form of identication was my SSN in his pocket. NOw his 1500 in parking/traffic tickets are coming under my name. I called traffic court and they said that it is under his license number but my name. My dad tried to manipulate me into taking the blame for his speeding situation, and threatened me saying "would you rather me go to jail?" So yeah I know it is a lot but I really don't know what to do, at least I'm out of there, I'm safe, and I'm not starving. I would like to know how to get my money back (if he can even pay it off because he will say he doesn't work and has no money), how do I get a protection order and what to do about the traffic court situation?


Any help would be amazing! Thanks everyone. I'll try to clarify anything that I stated before, sorry I'm really nervous and frantic.

Boy, are you ever laying it on with a trowel. Why would you move back in with your father in the first place, knowing what was likely to happen to you? I don't believe you ever expected to get the money back then, nor do you expect to get it now. When your father made physical threats, you should have called the police. You set yourself up to be knocked down. I don't believe an intelligent fellow like you has no idea how to get a protection order (call the courts and ask?) or what to do about the traffic court situation.

 

[sandyclaus]

I concur with all of the comments above with regards to getting paid back. You knew what you were getting into when he conned you into getting the money. You knew darn well that he was highly unlikely to pay it back. Even if you take him to court over it, and if you are miraculously gifted with a judgment against him, that's all you get - a judgment. You would still need to collect the money from him. If he has no significant means of income, and is relying on YOU for support, then you will NEVER see a dime of that.

What I don't understand is why you stayed living there all this time. You say you have a decent job. It sounds like moving out to a place of your own is LONG overdue. While there is some cultural stigma that obligates one to help out their family, there is also the adage that one must help themselves. Your dad is a freight train with a derailment just waiting to happen. Perhaps having to do it on his own is the best thing you could do for him. You've done enough (MORE than your share), and this will ultimately end up being a huge pit that will never be filled if you let it be.

 

[Eekamouse]

WHY did he have YOUR social security card on his person in the first place and does he still have it?

 

[Hot Topic]

WHY did he have YOUR social security card on his person in the first place and does he still have it?

The OP is an enabler. He's the guy who buys the alcoholic another drink, then hopes the alcoholic doesn't get in his car and run over a child.

He's afraid he may be busted in the chops, but he's going to enjoy telling people if he is.

Counseling is not going to help the person who gets some sort of emotional sustenance from being victimized.

 

[stealth2]

Moral of the story is twofold:

Do not loan more money than you can afford to lose.

Do not loan money to family/friends unless you are giving it from the heart, with no expactation of seeing it again.

 

[Proserpina]

Were you paying rent, OP?

Just curious.