Im worried about my daughter

[krueg622]

New york My 4 year old daughter who is almost 5 told me(father) that her mothers boyfriend is giving her showers/ baths and she dislikes that. This individual has been investigated by CPS for similar things. (I called this to CPS but they said because of her age he can give her baths or showers) I feel very uncomfortable with what is going on with my daughter. What should I do?

 

[sandyclaus]

New york My 4 year old daughter who is almost 5 told me(father) that her mothers boyfriend is giving her showers/ baths and she dislikes that. This individual has been investigated by CPS for similar things. (I called this to CPS but they said because of her age he can give her baths or showers) I feel very uncomfortable with what is going on with my daughter. What should I do?

I don't understand what the concern is. Many partners of single children are involved in raising the children, which includes feeding and dressing them, and for younger children, even bathing them. Unless there has been some allegation of inappropriate touching or sexual contact, you really don't have a valid complaint.

Has she said that the boyfriend is touching her in a way that she is uncomfortable with? Or just helping her with her bathing and showering?

Just because the boyfriend is giving her showers and baths is not necessarily going to be a problem - unless YOU are trying to convince her that it is.

 

[Proserpina]

New york My 4 year old daughter who is almost 5 told me(father) that her mothers boyfriend is giving her showers/ baths and she dislikes that. This individual has been investigated by CPS for similar things. (I called this to CPS but they said because of her age he can give her baths or showers) I feel very uncomfortable with what is going on with my daughter. What should I do?

What other things?

How do you know this?

 

[krueg622]

Someone has called CPS on this man before for inappropriate touching on my daughter about 8 months ago. I never heard her say anything and I didn't believe my ex-wife would allow any harm to our daughter. Im just worried that she came to me this time and said something.

 

[sandyclaus]

Someone has called CPS on this man before for inappropriate touching on my daughter about 8 months ago. I never heard her say anything and I didn't believe my ex-wife would allow any harm to our daughter. Im just worried that she came to me this time and said something.

Who is this "someone" that's supposed to have reported before, and how reliable is the information? How is it that someone OTHER than you and your ex-wife witnessed the boyfriend allegedly and inappropriately touching your daughter?

 

[dave33]

Someone has called CPS on this man before for inappropriate touching on my daughter about 8 months ago. I never heard her say anything and I didn't believe my ex-wife would allow any harm to our daughter. Im just worried that she came to me this time and said something.

If there is any question, I would not allow this person to handle my daughter.

 

[CdwJava]

New york My 4 year old daughter who is almost 5 told me(father) that her mothers boyfriend is giving her showers/ baths and she dislikes that. This individual has been investigated by CPS for similar things. (I called this to CPS but they said because of her age he can give her baths or showers) I feel very uncomfortable with what is going on with my daughter. What should I do?

How do you know he has been investigated by CPS? It would almost certainly have to be pure rumor, because those matters tend to be confidential unless he has been criminally charged.

And being investigated does NOT mean that he has ever done anything unlawful or immoral. All it takes is a phone call to open a complaint file. Many acrimonious custody proceedings include calls by one or both parties against the other alleging (most often) sexual or physical abuse of the child(ren) in question. He could have been subject to such claims as a result of other relationships he has been in, or by mom's nosey neighbors. It doesn't take much.

Statistically, mom's boyfriend is more likely to abuse the girl than strangers, but that does not mean he is. He could simply be filling the tub and making sure she gets in safely. I would presume this is done when mom is tied up on something, but maybe not.

If this is an issue, then you and your ex need to get together on the issue. And if worse comes to worse, you get this built into the visitation and custody agreement that on-parents cannot assist with baths or showers.

I know that it would make me uneasy if I were in your shoes, but I fail to see that this is necessarily a huge issue ... yet. If she's uncomfortable, talk to your ex.

 

[Proserpina]

If there is any question, I would not allow this person to handle my daughter.

The reality is that unless a court or other authority intervenes, that wouldn't be your decision.

The court trusts both parents to keep the child safe, including trusting their choice in who may or may not be around the child. If Mom thinks it's okay for her boyfriend to take a bath with kiddo, Dad is going to have to actually have a reason in order for the boyfriend prohibited from doing so.

Of course he could always try talking to Mom, too. That whole co-parenting thing, and all.

(With that said, I doubt we have all the facts here. What, someone ELSE called CPS about THIS child and nothing happened? Could it be that..nothing actually happened?)

 

[Ohiogal]

If there is any question, I would not allow this person to handle my daughter.

Court orders do not allow him to prohibit mother from having the children around her and anyone she chooses to associate.

 

[Queenbee1]

Where is your daughter's mother when the boyfriend is allowed to bathe her daughter?? This is so disturbing to me that her own mother knows her daughter feels uncomfortable and she still allows this to go on. Especially where it is someone of the opposite sex who is not her father, she should NEVER EVER leave her daughter alone with any man who is not family or whom her daughter feels uncomfortable with. Also, not surprising that CPS has investigated him already on other incidents but nothing happened. Someone most likely dropped the ball. These things happen all the time and you should not give up - if your daughter's mother is turning a blind eye, and CPS is not investigating the matter, then you need to protect your daughter before God forbid, something happens to your daughter. Keep on CPS and try to get through to your daughter's mother before it is too late. Good Luck and you sound like a great Dad!!

She

New york My 4 year old daughter who is almost 5 told me(father) that her mothers boyfriend is giving her showers/ baths and she dislikes that. This individual has been investigated by CPS for similar things. (I called this to CPS but they said because of her age he can give her baths or showers) I feel very uncomfortable with what is going on with my daughter. What should I do?

 

[SESmama]

Where is your daughter's mother when the boyfriend is allowed to bathe her daughter?? This is so disturbing to me that her own mother knows her daughter feels uncomfortable and she still allows this to go on. Especially where it is someone of the opposite sex who is not her father, she should NEVER EVER leave her daughter alone with any man who is not family or whom her daughter feels uncomfortable with. Also, not surprising that CPS has investigated him already on other incidents but nothing happened. Someone most likely dropped the ball. These things happen all the time and you should not give up - if your daughter's mother is turning a blind eye, and CPS is not investigating the matter, then you need to protect your daughter before God forbid, something happens to your daughter. Keep on CPS and try to get through to your daughter's mother before it is too late. Good Luck and you sound like a great Dad!!

She

And said child is now 7 years old. Please do not necropost. If it hasn't resolved in the last 2 years then bigger issues are present.

 

[Just Blue]

Especially where it is someone of the opposite sex who is not her father, she should NEVER EVER leave her daughter alone with any man who is not family or whom her daughter feels uncomfortable with.

This statement is ridiculous. Per this statement child would not be allowed alone in class with her male teacher. Or her male Doctor. .. Should I go on ?

 

[Proserpina]

Where is your daughter's mother when the boyfriend is allowed to bathe her daughter?? This is so disturbing to me that her own mother knows her daughter feels uncomfortable and she still allows this to go on. Especially where it is someone of the opposite sex who is not her father, she should NEVER EVER leave her daughter alone with any man who is not family or whom her daughter feels uncomfortable with. Also, not surprising that CPS has investigated him already on other incidents but nothing happened. Someone most likely dropped the ball. These things happen all the time and you should not give up - if your daughter's mother is turning a blind eye, and CPS is not investigating the matter, then you need to protect your daughter before God forbid, something happens to your daughter. Keep on CPS and try to get through to your daughter's mother before it is too late. Good Luck and you sound like a great Dad!!

She

Necroposting aside, I hate to have to tell you this (because anyone over the age of 10 shouldn't have to be told) but ... guess what? There is a MUCH bigger risk of the child being abused by a relative.

But I guess you'd be fine with Uncle Bucky bathing her, right? Cos he's like... family?

 

[Just Blue]

Necroposting aside, I hate to have to tell you this (because anyone over the age of 10 shouldn't have to be told) but ... guess what? There is a MUCH bigger risk of the child being abused by a relative.

But I guess you'd be fine with Uncle Bucky bathing her, right? Cos he's like... family?

Agreed. Chester the Molestor was an uncle to someone.