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Issues with girlfriend

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celticfdguy

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

My girlfriend and I broke up this past week. We have a history of a lot of arguing and such. She has a really bad temper, and when she gets angry over the smallest thing, it feels as if world war 3 is erupting. That being said, when she gets into these angry modes, there is no talking to her. She lives in my co-op which I own, and her name is on nothing (including utility bills, etc). I am not comfortable living with her at this point and she flat out scares me. I do not want to go home after work, sleep there or be around her because I do not trust her temper. My father's best friend is a local cop and he said I have to be really careful now, because she can make my life a living hell since we still live together. He told me all she has to do is call the police saying I came after her and they will haul me away no questions asked. He then told me that she can file a restraining order and that will ban me from entering my own home.

I am not a physical person and have really bad anxiety. I want to protect myself from those types of situations.

I was going to consult a lawyer about this, but have no idea what sort of lawyer to call.

What can I do to protect myself, legally? This way I started the documentation process in case something happens in the future. She said she will need a few months to save money to move out . I know I cannot legally kick her out due to her living with me for 6 months and filing an eviction notice takes forever.

Any help/insight is greatly appreciated.

Thanks
 


Isis1

Senior Member
I suggest starting on that eviction process TODAY!

If you have valuables, lock them away. Put locks on your personal doors, such as bedroom and bathroom.

If she instigates, walk away. Lock yourself in the bathroom or bedroom with a phone. If you hear disruption, call the police. Stay in the room until they arrive.

My favorite response is always neither a yes or no when someone is trying to start a fight. It's "hmmmph".
 

celticfdguy

Junior Member
I am afraid to start the eviction process because she will know I am doing it, correct? Theres no way to do it behind her back and then show up with a police officer to evict once its good?
 

Isis1

Senior Member
I am afraid to start the eviction process because she will know I am doing it, correct? Theres no way to do it behind her back and then show up with a police officer to evict once its good?
Noooooo! Called due process. Constitutional rights and all that. No one here is going to help you break the law!!
 

antrc170

Member
Document everything, and beat her to the punch. You can always seek a harrassment restraining order against her, which would get her out of the apartment. To get the order you'll need evidence of pysical violence, threatened violence, destruction of property, etc. The superior court judge can grant an immeidate order and then you'll go to a hearing to see if it needs to be made permanent.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
A notice to vacate is NOT the beginning of an eviction. Sure, it can precede an eviction, but it doesn't automatically lead to an eviction.
 

xylene

Senior Member
You need a lawyer.

Your police relatives are trying to (justifiably) put fear into you. That is what cops do. BUT The adage - don't take legal advice from a cop is still true.

Talk to a family law (divorce) lawyer to start with. That is basically what you are doing.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
You need a lawyer.

Your police relatives are trying to (justifiably) put fear into you. That is what cops do. BUT The adage - don't take legal advice from a cop is still true.

Talk to a family law (divorce) lawyer to start with. That is basically what you are doing.
Um, but it's his girlfriend....not his wife.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I suggest starting on that eviction process TODAY!

If you have valuables, lock them away. Put locks on your personal doors, such as bedroom and bathroom.

If she instigates, walk away. Lock yourself in the bathroom or bedroom with a phone. If you hear disruption, call the police. Stay in the room until they arrive.

My favorite response is always neither a yes or no when someone is trying to start a fight. It's "hmmmph".
If you have any way to do it, I would suggest that you consider living somewhere else until you manage to get her evicted. But first remove your valuables with the help of someone else who can act as a witness if anything happens.
 

Gail in Georgia

Senior Member
Try a reasonable approach with the girlfriend (after all, you two did manage to be a couple for at least the time it took for the two of you to start living together). "Buy" her out of your place.

Discuss that now that you two have broken up, it's time to physicially put some distance between you. Offer to help her find another place to live and tell her you'll pay the cost of moving her things, the security deposit and first months rent.

Gail
 

cyjeff

Senior Member
I would also recommend videotaping every inch of that house before you serve her with anything.

Every wall, every floor, every ceiling, everything of value like appliances or electronics or furniture. Turn the TV's on to a news channel so that it dates the tape... and make sure that TV's in different rooms are on the same channel. Include serial numbers and who owns what in the tape. Be thorough and act under the assumption that she will destroy anything you leave behind during the eviction process. Take a RELIABLE and RESPONSIBLE friend or two with you with the image in your mind of them testifying in court as to the timeline.

Then take your valuables, leave the eviction paperwork on the counter and go away for the time period. Leave a note that says you have videotaped the state and condition of the property.

If she destroys anything or take any thing that doesn't belong to her, sue her for the value and/or swear out a police report.

If she is SMART, she won't touch a thing.

Yes, you do all this when she is not there. This is worth taking a day or two off work to accomplish.
 

TNTWARRIOR

Junior Member
If you have a friend or relative that could help you, than have them move in. This will do one of two things, it will either make her find a new place asap, believe me if she needed a place to stay she would be able to find something.
She will feel threatened due to the fact that she would be vulnerable and you would be protected, she will not like that feeling, trust me. The second thing she may try is getting violent she will first try and act like she wants to get back with you because she will feel vulnerable with a third party witness living with you and when that doesn't work, she will become violent, thats when you would be able to get her out. I believe one of the two things will happen, not sure which because I don't know her but chances are she will react in one of these ways, which will be to your benefit.
 

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