mental abuse

[raw]

I have been married for 17 years and have 4 children ranging in age from 16 down to 6. My husband has mentally abused me from the beginning and now I have anxiety and panic disorder which requires me to take medication everyday. My children have been effected by his abuse and my oldest had to go to therapy about two years ago. Our house is constantly filled with tension. My husband and I no longer sleep in the same bed and he is never in the same room as me. He hibernates in the rec room downstairs and only comes out to eat or go to bed. The only time he has contact with the kids is when they go into the rec room. He tells me he will not leave because we are his family and he is not deserting us. At one point I went and saw a lawyer about how to get him out of the house, I was told I would have to sleep somewhere else but could be at the house during the day, I then filed separation papers on him and had him served, but my older children get very upset because I wasn't there at night. They weren't sleeping and my youngest would get up in the middle of the night looking for me, so I talked to my lawyer about how to handle this and was told if I wanted him out, I had to stay out. My kids are my world because I basically have raised them alone, so I told the lawyer I couldn't do that. I was then told I didn't have a case. I want to know if I could get a temporary restraining order for mental abuse? I need to do something or I will never get over my anxiety and panic, and I know his verbal abuse to me over the years has effected my two oldest children already, I don't want my two youngest to fall into the same waters. What can I do? My husband said that the only way I would be able to get rid of him would be the TRO because otherwise he said he would stalk me. Please reply asap, I'm going nuts!

[Edited by raw on 11-29-2000 at 04:11 AM]

 

[LegalBeagle]

I have been married for 17 years and have 4 children ranging in age from 16 down to 6. My husband has mentally abused me from the beginning and now I have anxiety and panic disorder which requires me to take medication everyday. My children have been effected by his abuse and my oldest had to go to therapy about two years ago. Our house is constantly filled with tension. My husband and I no longer sleep in the same bed and he is never in the same room as me. He hibernates in the rec room downstairs and only comes out to eat or go to bed. The only time he has contact with the kids is when they go into the rec room. He tells me he will not leave because we are his family and he is not deserting us. At one point I went and saw a lawyer about how to get him out of the house, I was told I would have to sleep somewhere else but could be at the house during the day, I then filed separation papers on him and had him served, but my older children get very upset because I wasn't there at night. They weren't sleeping and my youngest would get up in the middle of the night looking for me, so I talked to my lawyer about how to handle this and was told if I wanted him out, I had to stay out. My kids are my world because I basically have raised them alone, so I told the lawyer I couldn't do that. I was then told I didn't have a case. I want to know if I could get a temporary restraining order for mental abuse? I need to do something or I will never get over my anxiety and panic, and I know his verbal abuse to me over the years has effected my two oldest children already, I don't want my two youngest to fall into the same waters. What can I do? My husband said that the only way I would be able to get rid of him would be the TRO because otherwise he said he would stalk me. Please reply asap, I'm going nuts!

[Edited by raw on 11-29-2000 at 04:11 AM]

First, I would get another attorney.. I do not agree with them telling YOU to leave the home and the kids behind. Second, do you have any prove of any abuse ?

 

[raw]

What do you mean proof? It's mental abuse, how do you prove that?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What do you mean proof? It's mental abuse, how do you prove that?

My response:

By psychiatric reports and testimony. By reports to police. By neighbors, and friends.

IAAL

 

[raw]

I see a psychiatrist for my medicine management for my anxiety and panic disorder. I have been to therapists since I was first diagnosed with this disease and am currently seeing a therapist now who has also met my husband. I have no police reports and I believe it would be totally unfair to involve our friends in this situation. I do still have the separation agreement that was served to my husband and the lawyer that did it was very harsh in it, I don't know if this is proof enough to get a temporary restraining order. With a TRO only you go before a judge requesting this. What proof would I have to show him?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Psychiatric reports and testimony. Reports to police. Testimony by neighbors, and friends.

IAAL

 

[raw]

If I had my psychiatrist give me a copy of my medical records and I got copies of my therapists notes and a copy of the separation papers that were served on him, would that be proof enough to get the TRO? Do you know exactly how the TRO works, you sound very intelligent about this subject, if you could enlighten me, it would be great.
Thanks!

 

[freedom54]

From a woman that has been there. Get a restraining order that gives you custody of the children and the home based upon his mental abuse and physical threats using your psychiatrist and therapist reports as evidence of your fear of him. First step.

 

[valk]

I am not a lawyer but GOSH, i am going thru the same thing as you are! Reading your situation was almost identical to mine, If you would like to talk, you can e-mail me at [email protected]

 

[cczeun]

I was with a man that abused me mentally (when I walked out late one night without my belonggings) and tried when I left him to destroy me financially also. I went to a lawyer that I thought understood what I was going through and after a year I finally fired her for we had not gone to court. I found out per a letter from her that two days later we were to go to court (settlement conference). When I contacted the grievence committee she sent a 13 paragraph letter suggesting I had mental problems. Two things in writing she was corrected on and the rest was her word against mine. I said she did not notify me of the court/settlement conference and her defense was that she remembered telling me to put it on my calendar and the committee took her side.
I was devastated by what was done to me but I was not mentally incompetant. The neighbor made comment that the noises scared her at the house and told me once she thought I had gotten hurt. Other ex-friends of his were there to hear him play mind tricks on me. My ex even lied on the interogories and I have proof in his own hand writing of that. I believe he is a sociopath, yet the courts don't look at it, even with witnesses.

I ended up getting in touch with the domestic violence organization which gave me one-on-one and group counseling as well as an advocate to go to court with me.

I believe the laws need to change to protect thoses that have proof and maybe it would deter those that are not that fortunate.

 

[Dan2002]

LETS CHAT

I am 16 and going through the same thing. I probably cannot help but if you want to chat i need someone to talk to. EMail= [email protected] Aol Instant Messanger= TheLt2002

 

[cczeun]

abuse-the hidden scars that damage from within

why this site?

[Edited by cczeun on 01-22-2001 at 06:45 AM]

 

[berksbound]

i can relate

I can relate to what your going through I am a 33 yr old mother of 4 girls in pa I just got a protection from abuse against my husband and believe it or not I got the screws... I went through legal aid due to being a stay home momn mand he hired a lawyer so remember what ever you do you get what oyu pay for.... I was awarded the PFA but I was awarded 30 days to remain in our home after 30 days me and my kids have to be moved out I couldnt believe it but that is what the courts gave me so beware it dont always work out the way you may think it does... The police had been out here 3 times before this last time and told me that they couldnt do anything till he left marks well this last time he left marks from chocking me and they came out and made him leave for the night and fined him $300 for harrassment saying yes there were marks but they were not significant enuff to arrest him. I dont get it I really dont hey there is a book out called "WHOSE FACE IS IN THE MIRROR" read it it has helped me soo much it is awespome if you ever want to talk feel free to mail me at [email protected]

 

[cczeun]

abuse

It has been an eye opener since this has happened to me. I have been doing a lot of Internet searches on "antisocial". There needs to be a education for most antisocials are within our society yet the law just hides it head in the sand. Since it is apparently getting worse something must change. I have been trying to check into how I can set up a website, but the problem is, a lot of jokers might take advantage of it. I also believe a group should be organized, such as Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. But this group try to be involved with education and changing the law. I know that is sticky. But I believe if there if proof. An I think in my case when a neighbor and 3 of his ex-friends can paint that picture as well as some things in his own hand writing. Must start somewhere.
I also had a raw deal with a bad lawyer. I learned much. I am also thankful that a court clerk gave me a pamplet for abused women. I learned the word antisocial and learned I was in PTSD (Post Tramatic Stress). I still have legal issues that must be settled and a lawyer will have to use part of the character of this person--that is hard to find a lawyer to do. I have been trying to find similar cases and only 1 I have found and that was on 48 hours (Mr. Wonderful).

 

[doxiy]

I can Relate

man i now what you mean too i am in a marriage for 5 1/2 years and my husband has physically abused me but its been awhile but he does very bad verbale abuse on me so bad that i just cant take it anymore and i told him tonight i want him out and he wont leave eaither and i have no one to help me get him out i am scared too like u i am trying to find some one to give me advice on what to do looking for a leagal advicer in town but i have no money in my name and cant find any help from anyone hear i have went to the local domestic violance help line and they told me not to leave hear and come see them but the police wont help because its not been physical im scared i have no family to help me and no money so i now what it feels like too i think there needs to be more help out there for us because vebal and emotional abuse can be hareder to fight because it leaves inside scares not out side ones so u cant prove it as easy, and it can be somewhat more damaging because it scares u inside emotionally and pshycologically we need more help for people like this out there.