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military domestic abuse...what will happen to him?

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twisted_tink

Guest
What is the name of your state? oklahoma
I have been married for 5 months to a member of the air force. as soon as we got married he started grabbing my wrists when i didnt do something right or i tried to walk away to calm down during a verbal disagreement. after doing this 3 times a week on average i started having carpal tunnel syndrome symptoms, he's shoved me into walls, doors, pushed me down...and yesterday he grabbed my forearm and twisted it ...he sprained it and bruised it pretty good. i went on base and was honest (finally) with the doctors, talked to family advocacy about it...and filed a police report with the local civil authorities. I'm pretty sure what's going to happen in civilian court..but what will the military do to him, if anything? he's on his mid-tour right now and leaves for korea on oct 24th...i need a general idea of what will happen so i can be prepared. can anyone help me with this? I'm done with him and i'm filing for divorce...so there won't be any ging back and giving him one more chance..i can't take that risk. i genuinely need to know what my options through the military are with me being just a dependant.:confused:
 


usmcfamily

Senior Member
With it being the first time you reported it and with the injuries being relatively minor and with the fact that he will be away from you for the next 6 months (thereby eliminating the risk of repeat offense for that period of time) he will likely be given an NJP (Non-Judicial Punishment) that would be anger management and counseling REQUIRED, possible reduction in pay-grade (though unlikley on a first offense), possible restriction to quarters when he reports back to duty, possible suspension of leave priveleges to see you or suspension of visitor privileges (meaning you woudln't be able to fly over there to see him........)
At this level they would prefer to approach it from a "fixing" him angle than a "punish" him angle -- meaing that their ultimate goal is to give him and the two of you tools to make your marriage work WITHOUT any violence. The military does NOT look kindly upon this (despite the image recently painted by Oprah and the media coverage of the incidents at Ft Bragg)......it will be addressed.
You need to be sure that his command is made aware of the situation - did family advocacy say whether or not the reports you filed would be channeled to them? You need to find out from them what the protocol is - whether they will channel the info or if you need to get copies and see to it yourself........
 
T

twisted_tink

Guest
thank you

i emailed his first shirt the day after the incident to explain why i wouldn't be needing my space-a letter to return to korea with him (i have a visa there until his tour is done). i was honest with his master sgt because he's listened to me explain away bruises before and the look on his face told me he was a bit sceptical, but he never questioned me. ( i am well known within the sqaudron seeing as how i'm one of the few spouses that decided to acompany) So, his higher ups are now aware of the situation. I'll be sure to contact family advocacy again though and see what they're going to do. I appreciate your candidness and your reply.
 
M

m1998

Guest
did FA have an FMCMT?

Was the case reviewed by the committee? Do you know if it was substantiated/unsubed/didn't occur? The outcome of that meeting will determine what your husband will have to do. More than likely the anger mgmt classes, possibly counseling for him and both of you.
 
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twisted_tink

Guest
reply

He's still on his mid-tour and goes back to Korea on the 24th..I don't think they've even discussed it with him..and I haven't heard from anyone yet. So I don't know what's going on as of right now.
 
N

need_some_info

Guest
Turnout

I am currently going through a situation where my husband and I had an argument and I called the police. I feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I wish that I had never called and got the police involved. I am the military member and so far (after 5 days) I have not been reprimanded in any way and we have not really been told anything by anyone as to what may or may not happen to my husband. I was wondering what happened with your husband? Did he have to eventually see a committee? Did he have to appear in court? Did you seek any legal advice on base or would you not advise in doing so? I am in desperate need of some answers in order to help get my family back and I would appreciate any info you could give me regarding your situation that may give us insight to our situation..
 
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K

KittsHarley

Guest
slap on the wrist for federal government worker

I was involved with a man 15 years older than me..(duh)i was 29 he was 44..what a mistake that was...he worked for the federal government... and was quite possesive..controlling and wouldn't allow me to walk away from an argument without grabbibng my wrists, throwing me against walls and down stairs... STUPID ME stayed waiting for get him back at his own game..the whole relationship was basically a mental mind F%#^.. i'm sure a lot of woman know this game...it's no fun..fear kept me there..
and he use to twist and turn anythign and everythign i said to be bad against him...at no fault of his own..he obviously had major issues..was married 2 times befor i even met him...can't even hold a conversation with any of them...makes ya think....faught for custody of his 17 year old son and won...that's how powerful this man is..adn to think i was attracted to his smarts...(wanted..stupid man.LOL)
well we ended up in court..he called the cops on himself...when i wouldn't leave without my belongings...was afraid of what he woudl do to them..one being a harley i just bought..i being new to it all ..wasn't sure what he was capable of...so i didn't leave...he said he woudl call the cops...i said go ahead...so i waited outsde for them to come...haveing bruised wrists and marks around my neck from where he tried to choke me..and bruises on my back from being thrown down the steps...he has a few marks on him as well beign as though i wasn't traveling down the stairs alone...was taken him with me...sitting out waiting for the police to arrive..i took pictures of my bruises...(digital camera's are great) and also had a tape recorder of us fighting...(i grew smart like him in our dating)
I didn't even press charges...just wanted my stuff...but hte cops after seeing me all banged up did it instead..went up to arrest him..he slams the door in their faces...so they didn't get him that night...they called me asking if i knew when he was home..come on already...court comes along..and i gotta go...noone talks to me..no prosocuter, nothing...he's there with his 17 year old son..decked out in there sunday best with some big shot lawyer.
we approach the bench...500 for beating me..walked away from..resisting arrest..3 month jail time...walked away from...i looked at the judge like WTF...i said excuse me your honor...i believe he needs some sort of anger management...then my ex says i think you need some counceling as well...damned if htat judge ordered me to go to counceling and for him to go to anger management...i was livid...he still won...
i asked the court for a number to call...i called and went to counceling...they basically told me to leave him..and not botering to come back to counceling , they even sent a letter to the court stating it was basically ridiculouse for them to even suggest somethign like that..giving him that power...now have it be known ..i was still basically with him off and on at this point...(don't ask) when i had the guts to ask about how his anger management counceling was going...get this..he said" Great..once i finish my classes..i'm gonna take the counceling test and be the leader" which i dobt he ever did..but hwat does that tell ya..or me..that he's majorly a control freak, adn wroking for the federal government..walked away from it with not even a slap on the wrist...now i'm in counceling to help me understand why i was even with such a person..LOL
UGGGG..good luck to you.
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
Yes but federal workers and military members live under separate "rules"......the military is much more strict than a judge presiding in a civillian case when it comes to these things (especially now)
 
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hmmbrdzz

Guest
To Kitzharley: Hi Kitz. I read your reply, and I'm sitting here thinking to myself "what an *** that judge was". Sounds like a horrible ordeal. I was replying to a case this morning and wanted to get the point across that -- if one thinks that taking something to the court room will protect their domestic rights -- they are not exactly right. A lot of times it will turn on you and bite you more than once. Good luck to you, anyhow. I just wanted to say "hi" after reading your ordeal and say "ain't it pathetic sometimes!"

hmmbrdzz
 
K

KittsHarley

Guest
Thanks for your reply to that ugly time in my life.

i was simply amazed that i didn't even press charges..was gonna walk away from it and not look back..i'm the bigger person, but when court came along and i was told i HAD to go...sit there watching him and his son all decked out with some big shot lawyer. me scared, nieve, and all alone, only to have it all brought up to remind me what a jerk he really was, how controlling and then have him there with his son, teaching him..that YES you can beat your girlfriend and get away with it, you can slam a door in police officers faces and get away with it...Nice example to set for your kid huh...wish people would see that, and judge accordingly.
i am bitter over that whole ordeal,VERY bitter, and remained that way for my next boyfriend...me having to be in control...But trust and communication smoothes things over to a comfortable place in my life now...
although i still wouldn't mind someone slamming his face into the pavement saying "that's for Kitt" while i stand there ...pointing and laughing...horrible person i am huh LOL
 

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