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Is this Mom's Behavior Criminal?

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ConcernedDad101

Junior Member
I am in NJ. My daughter is 14. Her boyfriend is the same age. The boyfriend's Mom is very permissive in terms of rules and supervision. For instance, despite her reassuring me she would fully supervise them, she let them sleep together in the same bed, over night on a trip to the city! Of course she denies it, but I do have some texts/notes and that's how I found out. Also, there are other similar type incidents that have happened but this is the one I have proof for.

Of course, though we haven't banned the boyfriend fearing it would drive them together, my daughter is not allowed at his house any longer and is only allowed to see him with supervision (which I thought she had when she visited him).

To me, this woman's behavior is criminal and I am seriously considering reporting her. Is there a law that covers this?

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
These teen years are shaving years off of my life.
Thanks.
 
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antrc170

Member
Being a bad parent isn't a crime.

IF you can show that your daughter and her boyfriend engage in sexual activity (or other deliquent behavior) AND IF you can show that this women knew about it or encouraged it, you could file a criminal complaint.

I highly doubt you have that information, so I applaud your efforts to limit your child's exposure to the unsupervised situations. That's about all you can do at this point.
 

ConcernedDad101

Junior Member
Yes, the kids did have sex there while she was home and there are more things, but right now I don't have proof in hand. I will start documenting everything, but at this point I am limiting my daughter's contact with this unfit mother, so I don't think I'll be able to get much else in terms of proof. My daughter does know more but refuses to talk and protects her because she's a "cool" parent. Thanks for your feedback; it was very helpful.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Yes, the kids did have sex there while she was home and there are more things, but right now I don't have proof in hand. I will start documenting everything, but at this point I am limiting my daughter's contact with this unfit mother, so I don't think I'll be able to get much else in terms of proof. My daughter does know more but refuses to talk and protects her because she's a "cool" parent. Thanks for your feedback; it was very helpful.
Maybe the issue isn't the other mother but you and how you are parenting your daughter. You know your daughter had sex while at the woman's home and you let your daughter go on an overnight trip to the city with her and your daughter's boyfriend? You know your daughter has had sex and yet she still has a relationship with a boy? When did you find out about the sex? How old is the boy? Have you provided your daughter with condoms or birth control?

If the boy is her age, no crime was committed:
2C:14-1. Definitions
2C:14-1. Definitions. The following definitions apply to this chapter:
a. "Actor" means a person accused of an offense proscribed under this act;
b. "Victim" means a person alleging to have been subjected to offenses proscribed by this act;
c. "Sexual penetration" means vaginal intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio or anal intercourse between persons or insertion of the hand, finger or object into the anus or vagina either by the actor or upon the actor's instruction. The depth of insertion shall not be relevant as to the question of commission of the crime;
d. "Sexual contact" means an intentional touching by the victim or actor, either directly or through clothing, of the victim's or actor's intimate parts for the purpose of degrading or humiliating the victim or sexually arousing or sexually gratifying the actor. Sexual contact of the actor with himself must be in view of the victim whom the actor knows to be present;
e. "Intimate parts" means the following body parts: sexual organs, genital area, anal area, inner thigh, groin, buttock or breast of a person;
f. "Severe personal injury" means severe bodily injury, disfigurement, disease, incapacitating mental anguish or chronic pain;
g. "Physically helpless" means that condition in which a person is unconscious or is physically unable to flee or is physically unable to communicate unwillingness to act;
h. "Mentally defective" means that condition in which a person suffers from a mental disease or defect which renders that person temporarily or permanently incapable of understanding the nature of his conduct, including, but not limited to, being incapable of providing consent;
i. "Mentally incapacitated" means that condition in which a person is rendered temporarily incapable of understanding or controlling his conduct due to the influence of a narcotic, anesthetic, intoxicant, or other substance administered to that person without his prior knowledge or consent, or due to any other act committed upon that person which rendered that person incapable of appraising or controlling his conduct;
j. "Coercion" as used in this chapter shall refer to those acts which are defined as criminal coercion in section 2C:13-5(1), (2), (3), (4), (6) and (7).

Amended 1983, c.249, s.1; 1989,c.228,s.2.

2C:14-2 Sexual assault

2C:14-2. Sexual assault. a. An actor is guilty of aggravated sexual assault if he commits an act of sexual penetration with another person under any one of the following circumstances:

(1) The victim is less than 13 years old;

(2) The victim is at least 13 but less than 16 years old; and

(a) The actor is related to the victim by blood or affinity to the third degree, or

(b) The actor has supervisory or disciplinary power over the victim by virtue of the actor's legal, professional, or occupational status, or

(c) The actor is a foster parent, a guardian, or stands in loco parentis within the household;

(3) The act is committed during the commission, or attempted commission, whether alone or with one or more other persons, of robbery, kidnapping, homicide, aggravated assault on another, burglary, arson or criminal escape;

(4) The actor is armed with a weapon or any object fashioned in such a manner as to lead the victim to reasonably believe it to be a weapon and threatens by word or gesture to use the weapon or object;

(5) The actor is aided or abetted by one or more other persons and the actor uses physical force or coercion;

(6) The actor uses physical force or coercion and severe personal injury is sustained by the victim;

(7) The victim is one whom the actor knew or should have known was physically helpless, mentally defective or mentally incapacitated.

Aggravated sexual assault is a crime of the first degree.

b. An actor is guilty of sexual assault if he commits an act of sexual contact with a victim who is less than 13 years old and the actor is at least four years older than the victim.

c. An actor is guilty of sexual assault if he commits an act of sexual penetration with another person under any one of the following circumstances:

(1) The actor uses physical force or coercion, but the victim does not sustain severe personal injury;

(2) The victim is on probation or parole, or is detained in a hospital, prison or other institution and the actor has supervisory or disciplinary power over the victim by virtue of the actor's legal, professional or occupational status;

(3) The victim is at least 16 but less than 18 years old and:

(a) The actor is related to the victim by blood or affinity to the third degree; or

(b) The actor has supervisory or disciplinary power over the victim; or

(c) The actor is a foster parent, a guardian, or stands in loco parentis within the household;

(4) The victim is at least 13 but less than 16 years old and the actor is at least four years older than the victim.

Sexual assault is a crime of the second degree.

Amended amended 1979, c.178, s.26; 1983, c.249, s.2; 1989, c.228, s.3; 1997, c.194, s.1.



2C:14-3 Aggravated criminal sexual contact; criminal sexual contact

a. An actor is guilty of aggravated criminal sexual contact if he commits an act of sexual contact with the victim under any of the circumstances set forth in 2C:14-2a. (2) through(7).

Aggravated criminal sexual contact is a crime of the third degree.

b. An actor is guilty of criminal sexual contact if he commits an act of sexual contact with the victim under any of the circumstances set forth in section 2C:14-2c. (1) through(4).

Criminal sexual contact is a crime of the fourth degree.

Amended 1979, c.178, s.27; 1997, c.194, s.2.



2C:14-4. Lewdness

2C:14-4. Lewdness.

a. A person commits a disorderly persons offense if he does any flagrantly lewd and offensive act which he knows or reasonably expects is likely to be observed by other nonconsenting persons who would be affronted or alarmed.

b. A person commits a crime of the fourth degree if:



(1) He exposes his intimate parts for the purpose of arousing or gratifying the sexual desire of the actor or of any other person under circumstances where the actor knows or reasonably expects he is likely to be observed by a child who is less than 13 years of age where the actor is at least four years older than the child.

(2) He exposes his intimate parts for the purpose of arousing or gratifying the sexual desire of the actor or of any other person under circumstances where the actor knows or reasonably expects he is likely to be observed by a person who because of mental disease or defect is unable to understand the sexual nature of the actor's conduct.

c. As used in this section:



"lewd acts" shall include the exposing of the genitals for the purpose of arousing or gratifying the sexual desire of the actor or of any other person.

Amended 1992,c.8,s.1.



2C:14-5. Provisions generally applicable to Chapter 14

a. The prosecutor shall not be required to offer proof that the victim resisted, or resisted to the utmost, or reasonably resisted the sexual assault in any offense proscribed by this chapter.

b. No actor shall be presumed to be incapable of committing a crime under this chapter because of age or impotency or marriage to the victim.

c. It shall be no defense to a prosecution for a crime under this chapter that the actor believed the victim to be above the age stated for the offense, even if such a mistaken belief was reasonable.
 
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ConcernedDad101

Junior Member
Maybe the issue isn't the other mother but you and how you are parenting your daughter. You know your daughter had sex while at the woman's home and you let your daughter go on an overnight trip to the city with her and your daughter's boyfriend? You know your daughter has had sex and yet she still has a relationship with a boy? When did you find out about the sex? How old is the boy? Have you provided your daughter with condoms or birth control?
You are judging my parenting without knowing the full story so let me clarify. My daughter went on a trip with assurances from the boyfriend's mother...at this point we thought the relationship was innocent. As mentioned in the original post, they are both 14. Before she went I spoke with the mother to lay down the rules and she assured me that she would watch them and that there would be separate rooms. I did not learn they were in the same bed on that trip until recently, when I learned everything else as well. All along, the mother has been lying to me about her supervision. In fact, we spoke several times and I clearly laid out the rules and my concerns.....she always assured me she was watching them. My bad for trusting her. Once I found out what was going on, no contact was allowed that was not supervised by me. And I confronted the mother and she denied everything. Again, it was decided not to ban the boyfriend because the therapist said it would drive them together. Yes we are now in family therapy and yes we have spoken many times about sex and birth control and made our views on abstinence abundantly clear. Did I leave anything out?

I was only seeking legal advice and not expecting my parenting to be judged so did not feel the need to spell everything out. Next time I will go elsewhere for advice. Thanks anyway for your info.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
You are judging my parenting without knowing the full story so let me clarify. My daughter went on a trip with assurances from the boyfriend's mother...at this point we thought the relationship was innocent. As mentioned in the original post, they are both 14. Before she went I spoke with the mother to lay down the rules and she assured me that she would watch them and that there would be separate rooms. I did not learn they were in the same bed on that trip until recently, when I learned everything else as well. All along, the mother has been lying to me about her supervision. In fact, we spoke several times and I clearly laid out the rules and my concerns.....she always assured me she was watching them. My bad for trusting her. Once I found out what was going on, no contact was allowed that was not supervised by me. And I confronted the mother and she denied everything. Again, it was decided not to ban the boyfriend because the therapist said it would drive them together. Yes we are now in family therapy and yes we have spoken many times about sex and birth control and made our views on abstinence abundantly clear. Did I leave anything out?

I was only seeking legal advice and not expecting my parenting to be judged so did not feel the need to spell everything out. Next time I will go elsewhere for advice. Thanks anyway for your info.
When you file a criminal complaint the DA will question your parenting. Fact.

To allow a 14 year old girl to go to the "City" with her BF is ...a poor decision.

ETA. That you continue to allow the sexual relationship? Another poor parenting decision. :(
 
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ConcernedDad101

Junior Member
Just to clarify, I did not let my daughter go on a trip to the city with just her boyfriend. The trip to the city was a group trip sponsored by the Mom's company as a holiday outing. The boyfriends Mom was there as the supervising adult. Before my daughter was allowed to go, I spoke with the mother and she assured me they would be under full supervision. I do kick myself for trusting her. She flat out lied to me. If a DA wants to question my parenting, I am fine with that. I think this mother's actions are criminal.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Just to clarify, I did not let my daughter go on a trip to the city with just her boyfriend. The trip to the city was a group trip sponsored by the Mom's company as a holiday outing. The boyfriends Mom was there as the supervising adult. Before my daughter was allowed to go, I spoke with the mother and she assured me they would be under full supervision. I do kick myself for trusting her. She flat out lied to me. If a DA wants to question my parenting, I am fine with that. I think this mother's actions are criminal.
They aren't criminal actions though.
 

ConcernedDad101

Junior Member
Okay....thank you for spelling it out. I thought there might be some law such as contributing to the delinquency of a minor or maybe child endangerment or something. It's just wrong and I don't want another parent to have to go through this with her.

And sorry for leaving out details....I purposely tried to speak in general terms to remain 100% anonymous.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Okay....thank you for spelling it out. I thought there might be some law such as contributing to the delinquency of a minor or maybe child endangerment or something. It's just wrong and I don't want another parent to have to go through this with her.

And sorry for leaving out details....I purposely tried to speak in general terms to remain 100% anonymous.
You allowed her to go so therefore you contributed just as much to your daughter's delinquency if there was any. Which there wasn't. It is NOT illegal for your daughter to have sex with her boyfriend. Sleeping in a bed with her boyfriend is NOT illegal either. You said they slept together that last night. Was boyfriend's mom in the room? If so, then are you sure they had sex that night? Or did they have it when neither you nor other parent were at home?

It is wrong in your opinion and as a parenting choice. But it is not illegal.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Thanks again. I can see that under the law I have no real options.
Boy I hate some laws!
And yet you are currently allowing your CHILD to see her BF. I see you posting in the child custody forum, as a GP, within 12 months unless you stop your poor parenting choices.

Boy I hate dumb people.;)
 

ConcernedDad101

Junior Member
And yet you are currently allowing your CHILD to see her BF. I see you posting in the child custody forum, as a GP, within 12 months unless you stop your poor parenting choices.

Boy I hate dumb people.;)
As I mentioned, this decision was made with her therapist. There other factors in this decision which I won't get into, but suffice to say the concern is that forbidding her to see him would only drive them together. And again, all contact is supervised by either me or my wife. There is more here than I will get into, especially since this forum is so hostile and I can see that people don't read the full posts anyway.

Sorry to see you're so hateful.
No need to respond....I am outta here.
 
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Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
As I mentioned, this decision was made with her therapist. There other factors in this decision which I won't get into, but suffice to say the concern is that forbidding her to see him would only drive them together. And again, all contact is supervised by either me or my wife. There is more here than I will get into, especially since this forum is so hostile and I can see that people don't read the full posts anyway.

Sorry to see you're so hateful.
No need to respond....I am outta here.
The child is 14. You certainly CAN restrict her from seeing the other CHILD.

I don't agree that you did anything wrong in letting your 14 year old child go on a co-ed trip when assurance were given that the children would be segregated when sleeping.

Have you contacted the police about this?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
The child is 14. You certainly CAN restrict her from seeing the other CHILD.

I don't agree that you did anything wrong in letting your 14 year old child go on a co-ed trip when assurance were given that the children would be segregated when sleeping.

Have you contacted the police about this?
Z, I am finding nothing in the law that says ANYTHING about this was illegal.
 

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