Motion to modify Order of Protection for Domestic Violence: DENIED. What to do?

[mechita]

Florida

About six month ago I filed for a temporary Protection Order against Domestic Violence that was made permanent 4 month ago.
I feel that my husband has learned his lesson and we want to try to work out our problems and since he still has criminal charges that will be addressed next month, he will most likely go to a batterers intervention course since this was his first offense.
I filed a Motion to modify the Protection Order not only because I want to give my husband a second chance, but also because my mother in law who is the designated person to pick up our toddler for time sharing has been uncooperative, never in time, comes with an antagonizing behavior hard-knocking on my door and yelling outside, making my daughter nervous and has even put my child in danger by not buckling up and just sitting him on the car seat because "she doesn't know how to do it".
I explained my mother in law's behavior to the Judge, since we don't have anybody else to pick up our child and asked her to Modify the Order removing the "no contact" part so my husband and I can freely arrange the visitation schedule and not being so limited in case of an emergency, etc. I also asked to drop the order "not to remove the child from the Jurisdiction" and to keep the "no violence" and the "emergency child support"

However, the Judge denied my request implying that I might be "under pressure" and now I don't know what to do since there are still 8 months to go until it expires. What are our options? Can I file again? Can he file? Is it better to wait until after his hearing about the criminal charges?
What to do in order to be able to reunite my family back together?

 

[justalayman]

there is really nothing you can do here. The judge is the judge and it is within their discretion to deny your request.

What to do in order to be able to reunite my family back together?

and that right there is exactly why it was denied. At first you want parts of it dropped but then you go and say you want to reunite your family. Huge difference between the two.

 

[mechita]

there is really nothing you can do here. The judge is the judge and it is within their discretion to deny your request.


and that right there is exactly why it was denied. At first you want parts of it dropped but then you go and say you want to reunite your family. Huge difference between the two.

I did not mention to her I want to reunite my family because I am not suppose to have contact with him and I didn't want her to think we violated the order.
I tried to make it about the issues I am having with his mother who is not only being disrespectful and irresponsible when picking up my child, but also putting him in danger.

I thought that if I asked for the order to be dismissed, it wouldn't it have been denied because since the child support is stipulated there she was going to guess that there is something going on between us and that we had violated the no contact order...

Do I have the right to appeal? Is there a time frame that I have to respect to do it?
What would you say is the best way to try to dismiss the order or the no contact or whatever the Judge would accept...?

 

[Silverplum]

Florida

About six month ago I filed for a temporary Protection Order against Domestic Violence that was made permanent 4 month ago.
I feel that my husband has learned his lesson and we want to try to work out our problems and since he still has criminal charges that will be addressed next month, he will most likely go to a batterers intervention course since this was his first offense.
I filed a Motion to modify the Protection Order not only because I want to give my husband a second chance, but also because my mother in law who is the designated person to pick up our toddler for time sharing has been uncooperative, never in time, comes with an antagonizing behavior hard-knocking on my door and yelling outside, making my daughter nervous and has even put my child in danger by not buckling up and just sitting him on the car seat because "she doesn't know how to do it".
I explained my mother in law's behavior to the Judge, since we don't have anybody else to pick up our child and asked her to Modify the Order removing the "no contact" part so my husband and I can freely arrange the visitation schedule and not being so limited in case of an emergency, etc. I also asked to drop the order "not to remove the child from the Jurisdiction" and to keep the "no violence" and the "emergency child support"

However, the Judge denied my request implying that I might be "under pressure" and now I don't know what to do since there are still 8 months to go until it expires. What are our options? Can I file again? Can he file? Is it better to wait until after his hearing about the criminal charges?
What to do in order to be able to reunite my family back together?

Your actions, like your husband's, cannot easily be undone. You chose to use the legal system to teach him "his lesson," and now you have the legal system involved in your personal life. A=A.

 

[Silverplum]

I did not mention to her I want to reunite my family because I am not suppose to have contact with him and I didn't want her to think we violated the order.
I tried to make it about the issues I am having with his mother who is not only being disrespectful and irresponsible when picking up my child, but also putting him in danger.

I thought that if I asked for the order to be dismissed, it wouldn't it have been denied because since the child support is stipulated there she was going to guess that there is something going on between us and that we had violated the no contact order...

Do I have the right to appeal? Is there a time frame that I have to respect to do it?
What would you say is the best way to try to dismiss the order or the no contact or whatever the Judge would accept...?

"“Final judgments” for protection against violence, commonly known as “permanent injunctions,” remain in effect until modified or dissolved by the court. Therefore, at the court’s discretion, the injunction may be indefinite or expire on a date certain. Petitioners should request the duration of the injunction they are seeking at the time of final hearing."
https://www.floridabar.org/divcom/jn/jnjournal01.nsf/Author/E113E62B111CA2E585256DF300631EE7

"(10) The petitioner or the respondent may move the court to modify or dissolve an injunction at any time."
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0700-0799/0741/Sections/0741.30.html

 

[Eekamouse]

I did not mention to her I want to reunite my family because I am not suppose to have contact with him and I didn't want her to think we violated the order.
I tried to make it about the issues I am having with his mother who is not only being disrespectful and irresponsible when picking up my child, but also putting him in danger.

I thought that if I asked for the order to be dismissed, it wouldn't it have been denied because since the child support is stipulated there she was going to guess that there is something going on between us and that we had violated the no contact order...

Do I have the right to appeal? Is there a time frame that I have to respect to do it?
What would you say is the best way to try to dismiss the order or the no contact or whatever the Judge would accept...?

It's obvious that you and your batterer HAVE violated the TRO and I suspect you two will continue to violate it until you're caught at it. Life is going to suck for him when you are.

 

[Proserpina]

Florida

About six month ago I filed for a temporary Protection Order against Domestic Violence that was made permanent 4 month ago.
I feel that my husband has learned his lesson and we want to try to work out our problems and since he still has criminal charges that will be addressed next month, he will most likely go to a batterers intervention course since this was his first offense.
I filed a Motion to modify the Protection Order not only because I want to give my husband a second chance, but also because my mother in law who is the designated person to pick up our toddler for time sharing has been uncooperative, never in time, comes with an antagonizing behavior hard-knocking on my door and yelling outside, making my daughter nervous and has even put my child in danger by not buckling up and just sitting him on the car seat because "she doesn't know how to do it".
I explained my mother in law's behavior to the Judge, since we don't have anybody else to pick up our child and asked her to Modify the Order removing the "no contact" part so my husband and I can freely arrange the visitation schedule and not being so limited in case of an emergency, etc. I also asked to drop the order "not to remove the child from the Jurisdiction" and to keep the "no violence" and the "emergency child support"

However, the Judge denied my request implying that I might be "under pressure" and now I don't know what to do since there are still 8 months to go until it expires. What are our options? Can I file again? Can he file? Is it better to wait until after his hearing about the criminal charges?
What to do in order to be able to reunite my family back together?

It's not just the protection order you should be concerned about. Even if the order was dropped, you may be faced with a choice - him, or your children? Are you ready to make that choice?

 

[mechita]

It's obvious that you and your batterer HAVE violated the TRO and I suspect you two will continue to violate it until you're caught at it. Life is going to suck for him when you are.

Ok, thanks for the advice... how about what I really want to know?

What are our options here? I was denied... could it be because of the pending criminal charges? Can I file for another Motion for Modification or do I have to "appeal" or which? I am asking because I don't know the procedure, this is my first time dealing with anything law related...

 

[mechita]

It's not just the protection order you should be concerned about. Even if the order was dropped, you may be faced with a choice - him, or your children? Are you ready to make that choice?

Why would I have to make that choice?
I chose my children first, that is why I filed for the Protection Order.
It has been 6 months, it was his first time. He is scared, he has learned his lesson and even though I am willing to give him a second chance, I will end our marriage if it doesn't work out the second time around.

I just need to know how to proceed after the denial of the Motion to Modify and what are my options to have a better chance the next time... like waiting for the outcome of his hearing for the criminal charges for domestic violence...
I also wonder if I would have had a better chance if I had just tried to dismiss it instead of modifying but like I said, I thought it would be a red flag to the Judge since it would also remove the child support.

 

[single317dad]

Ok, thanks for the advice... how about what I really want to know?

What are our options here? I was denied... could it be because of the pending criminal charges? Can I file for another Motion for Modification or do I have to "appeal" or which? I am asking because I don't know the procedure, this is my first time dealing with anything law related...

Only the judge knows why the judge denied your motion, but my guess is because there are some reasons for modifying or terminating a PPO, but convenience is not one of them.

Many, many times abusers will put pressure on their victims to drop their protective orders. Judges are aware of this and are not so easily swayed.

And this is just my opinion, but if you were going to forgive him after a short time of good behavior, then you went too far by getting a protective order in the first place. PPOs aren't toys to be used to teach a lesson; they're tools for the State to use in preventing abuse.

 

[Just Blue]

Why would I have to make that choice?
I chose my children first, that is why I filed for the Protection Order.
It has been 6 months, it was his first time. He is scared, he has learned his lesson and even though I am willing to give him a second chance, I will end our marriage if it doesn't work out the second time around.

I just need to know how to proceed after the denial of the Motion to Modify and what are my options to have a better chance the next time... like waiting for the outcome of his hearing for the criminal charges for domestic violence...
I also wonder if I would have had a better chance if I had just tried to dismiss it instead of modifying but like I said, I thought it would be a red flag to the Judge since it would also remove the child support.

Was your child/ren there when your husband assaulted you? What EXACTLY was he charged with?

 

[not2cleverRed]

...

However, the Judge denied my request implying that I might be "under pressure" and now I don't know what to do since there are still 8 months to go until it expires. What are our options? Can I file again? Can he file? Is it better to wait until after his hearing about the criminal charges?
What to do in order to be able to reunite my family back together?

Um.. the judge is correct: you *are* under pressure. Your mother-in-law is being antagonistic because you have charges against her baby boy. She wants you to drop the charges and stop saying bad things about her little boy.

Here's a suggestion: motion to have pu/drop off at a PUBLIC place - not your home. Given the situation, a police station would work.

Just STICK to whatever visitation orders are in hand and stop this "but what about an emergency" excuse - because it is that.

For what your husband did to rise to the level of criminal charges... Well, it just might not be possible to reunite your family. Or, let me put it this way: your husband has NOT learned his lesson and your in-laws think this behavior acceptable. A real man who had just "made a mistake" would say something along the line of, "Mom, I got myself into this, but what you are doing is not helping - be nicer than nice to my wife, because I really wronged her, and she is the mother of your grandbaby." And HE would find someone else to transport her, even if it required paying them.

Get counseling. VOE, it helps.

 

[stealth2]

Here's what you may not understand... LE and the courts have seen way too many women file for POs and then come and say "just wanted to teach him a lesson", "he's learned his lesson", "he didn't mean it"... So they dismiss the order and the woman (and often the kids) ends up dead.

Victims of domestic violence and their advocates have spent way too many years to have domestic violence taken seriously (and it still isn't, in many cases) - thanks to women like you.

It was important enough for you to involve the cops and the courts - now you (and the kids, your husband and extended families) get to deal with the consequences. That's life. Suck it up, buttercup.

 

[mechita]

Only the judge knows why the judge denied your motion, but my guess is because there are some reasons for modifying or terminating a PPO, but convenience is not one of them.

Many, many times abusers will put pressure on their victims to drop their protective orders. Judges are aware of this and are not so easily swayed.

And this is just my opinion, but if you were going to forgive him after a short time of good behavior, then you went too far by getting a protective order in the first place. PPOs aren't toys to be used to teach a lesson; they're tools for the State to use in preventing abuse.

I thought this was a lesson needed to be taught. I felt there was no other way.
With that being said, I know nothing about this type of things, never have had any issues or never had to deal with the police for anything, this was my first encounter with "the law"
I talked to a police deputy about my situation and the police pretty much guided me through this... I never even knew there were going to be criminal charges. I knew nothing... that's the truth.

 

[Eekamouse]

I thought this was a lesson needed to be taught. I felt there was no other way.
With that being said, I know nothing about this type of things, never have had any issues or never had to deal with the police for anything, this was my first encounter with "the law"
I talked to a police deputy about my situation and the police pretty much guided me through this... I never even knew there were going to be criminal charges. I knew nothing... that's the truth.

What did you think was going to happen when you called the police? That they'd come slap him on the hand and tell him to keep his paws off you because they "had your back"?